Threw The Looking Glass

The moment we've all been waiting for came and went with a lip-synched whimper on Sunday night. Britney Spears gave her “comeback” performance at the MTV Video Music Awards!

MTV had threatened to pull the plug if Britney didn’t behave over the weekend in Las Vegas. Obviously MTV chose not to cancel because they love ratings and hate music so much. NY Daily News reports:

“Britney knows she's on thin ice. When they agreed to the performance, they
sat her down and told her she should not be going out, and instead focus on
rehearsing and resting,” an insider said. “She seemed to be thankful and
appreciative for the chance, but who knows with her? MTV made it clear that her
usual behavior will not be tolerated.”

Britney clearly heeded the warning - and spent the entire weekend partying.

"The pop tart was spotted sipping a frozen margarita before her VMA
rehearsal Friday. Then Spears showed up at Snoop Dogg's bash at Body English in
the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino about 1 a.m. yesterday in a cute, black
strapless dress. She had her people immediately call man-of-the-moment Criss
Angel to meet her, sources said. Spears has denied the two are dating. One
source said, “She's totally phoning this in. She doesn't seem to care how this
goes. She's been drinking a bunch and not putting her all into rehearsing.”

Supposedly Criss Angel was consulted about adding magic to the performance. What magic was that? The off-rhythm dancing? The fishnet stockings whose seemingly-boundless strength suggests a Kryptonian origin? Or maybe it was a dark magic that struck fear into those who looked too closely. I mean, 50 Cent has been shot nine times and he was scared shitless sitting there in the front row. He’s probably been up all night, clutching his blanket in fear that she'll sloppily dance out of the closet at any second. God knows I was.