Wednesday, December 31, 2008

While The Old Year Plays Possum....

Why not a possum? The world would be a better place if we all asked this question a little more often, my friends.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Thorax Me, Axe Me, Axe Me

Someone has to say it; don't you just want to eat that up?

"The plan was for each organ to be made out of a different kind of cake and to secrete a different color of fluid when it was cut into. Previous heart cakes have bled fresh, homemade raspberry sauce. Sadly, the organs didn't bleed as well as I had hoped when I cut the cake, as each organ was relatively small and couldn't hold much sauce. Also all the moving around after filling the organs made it hard to keep the sauce contained in the little cavities I hollowed out. The heart bled pretty well, but the other organ fluids weren't very dramatic.

"Heart - orange cake with raspberry sauce
Lungs - apple spice cake with strawberry sauce
Kidneys - orange cake with blueberry sauce
Stomach - ginger cake with mango sauce
Liver - chocolate cake with kiwi sauce
Small Intestine - jelly roll with red currant jelly"

I mean, come on... that looks delicious! And I'm not even a big fan of purification organs. Now pipe organs -- that's another story.

Three! Count 'em THREE championships!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Wanna' Strip?

Hankerin' for a hunka' bacon? Just add “” to the beginning of any site’s URL and boom! BACON!

For example: wanna' baconify TIME’s website? Just type!

Mmmmmmmm... bacony....

Saturday, December 27, 2008


You know what kids love? Kids love gory macabre animals! And let's face it; gory macabre animals are the perfect way to let your kids know you love them right back. Just not enough to not scar them for life. Sleep tight little ones! No nightlight tonight... the goblins were complaining.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Bless You


I say again: WOW.

I hope you all enjoyed a very happy Xmas!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

The Gift Of The Magi Indian Giver

Carolyn wanted so much to give Roger something nice for Christmas, but they didn’t have much money, and they had to spend every last cent on candy for the baby. She walked down the icy streets and peered into shop windows. “Roger is so proud of his shinbones. If only I could find some way to get money to buy shinbone polish.”

Just then, a sign caught her eye. “Cuticles bought and sold.” Many people had told Carolyn of her beautiful cuticles, and Roger was especially proud of them, but she thought, “This is the way I could buy Roger the shinbone polish!” And she rushed into the store.

Later at home, she waited anxiously as Roger came up the steps of their flat. He opened the door and wobbled over to the fireplace, suspiciously holding one arm behind his back.

“Merry Christmas!” they both said, almost simultaneously.

Roger spoke. “Hey, Nutsy, I got you a little something for Christmas.” “Me too,” said Carolyn, and they exchanged packages.

Carolyn hurriedly opened her package staring in disbelief. “Cuticle Frames?! But Roger, I sold my cuticles so I could afford to buy you some shinbone polish!”

Shinbone polish!” said Roger, “I sold my shinbones to buy you the cuticle frames!” Roger wobbled over to her.

“Well, I’ll be hog-tied,” said Carolyn.

“You will? Oh, boy!” said Roger.

And it turned out to be a great Christmas after all.

~Steve Martin

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Is All About Tradition

4 finals... 1 championship so far! 2 games to go! God bless us, every one!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Not A Canon

A CANNON! A Christmas cannon! You just slather something in glue, pump up the cannon, and BAM -- you just Christmas'd the hell out of that shit!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Not Your Father's Gingerbread Men

Get ready for some serious gingerbread geekery, my friends! There's something for everyone!Take a look! Then get inspired and make your own! Then make me a sandwich! Ha-ha, and a drink. Don't forget the drink.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Silence Falls

Dammit Jim!

Rest in peace, Majel....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

All Others Must Pay Cash

1. Jack Nicholson was originally offered the role of the father in the movie, which eventually went to Darren McGavin.
2. The story's author, Jean Shepherd, has a cameo in the film as an irritable department store customer who tells Ralphie to head to the back of the line.
3. Even though the house, 3159 West 11th St., appears in the film, almost all the interiors were shot elsewhere on a soundstage.
4. Shepherd's Christmas stories originally appeared in Playboy magazines in 1965 and 1967.
5. Two years before directing a A Christmas Story, Bob Clark had a hit with Porky's. (On a sad note, Clark and his son Ariel were killed in a car accident in California in 2007.)
6. Brian Jones bought the A Christmas Story house for $150,000 in 2004 and spent $250,000 to fix it up.
7. In 1983, the movie made a respectable $19 million at the box office.
8. The annual A Christmas Story marathon on TBS attracts 40 million viewers.
9. The school where Flick gets his tongue stuck to a flagpole was filmed in Ontario, Canada.
10. More than 70,000 people have been through the house in Tremont. They have come from all 50 states and more than a dozen other countries.
11. Director Clark has a cameo as clueless neighbor Swede.
12. West 11th Street is also known as Cleveland Street in honor of the movie.
13. All the elves in the movie were Cleveland locals.
14. The filmmakers determined that the exact Red Ryder BB gun that Shepherd describes -- Ralphie's dream gift -- didn't exist. A model was created for the movie.
15. The A Christmas Story sequel, My Summer Story (released at the box office as "It Runs in the Family"), was also shot at the house on West 11th Street in 1994. It features an almost entirely different cast, including Charles Grodin as the Old Man, Mary Steenburgen as Ralphie's mother and Kieran Culkin as Ralphie.
16. The A Christmas Story House and its neighboring museum and gift shop employ 12 people seasonally.
17. Two marriage proposals were made in the house, and one couple was married there wearing 1941 period clothing in 2007.
18. An eBay auction awards the winning bidder the opportunity to spend a night in the house on Christmas Eve. Bidding is ongoing.
19. A 1938 Oldsmobile touring sedan that was seen in the parade scene in the movie sits in the garage behind the gift shop.
20. Is that really snow on the ground in the movie? No. It's firefighting foam. Actors and crew slipped and slid around on the stuff during filming.
21. After the scene in which Ralphie drops his f-bombs, his mom washes out his mouth with soap. Lifebuoy soap to be exact. And yes, they sell the soap imported from England in the gift shop.
22. After the movie was shot, the house became a rental, and many different people lived there until it was bought and restored by Brian Jones.
23. According to staff at the A Christmas Story House, before the shooting of the movie, the house's basement was home to many an illegal cockfight.
24. Author Shepherd is the movie's narrator.
25. Jim Moralevitz, who played the role of the delivery man who brings the leg lamp crate to the house, was a local extra who still lives on the street.

4/8 - Finals in four leagues!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Welcome To Stepford! Wipe Your Feet!

It's not enough to have to worry about madmen building robots... now we have to worry about madmen building robots then breeding with them. And I still have wrapping to do!
"Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate feature"
"In her 20's." Riiiiiiiiight. She's not a day over 13, I guarantee it.
"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."

"He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. 'Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point,' he said."

Sex. With. A. Robot. A coy robot. That's... just... peachy.

" 'Fem-bot' Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.

"Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology."

Lemme tell you a little something about scientific geniuses: scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. They blow it on faking moon landings.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Just Nuts. No Roasting.

Hey kids! Britney Spears recorded a holiday greeting for her website, and it also stars Jayden James and Sean Preston! Of course, half of Sean's face is hidden because market research shows he's not a successful driver in the fourth quarter. Kids & Christmas? They just don't go together.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Sunday, December 07, 2008

I Woke Up In Plak Tow This Morning

Okay, so this scene plays out in my mind most every day. What's your point? Like YOU don't hear this music all of the time.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Stripped Of All That Matters

Don't let them lull you into complacency with their pole-dancing antics!

Watch this. Oh, and if this arouses you, well then, the robots have already won. Live with that, pervert.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


Hey! Here's a thing!

Neatorama has put together an informative piece on several of the big Hollywood studio logos, the histories behind them, and their variations throughout the years, laying out the stories behind the MGM lion, the the Paramount mountain, and more. And no, they don't discuss the View Askew creepy clown. Would you? You would, wouldn't you? No wonder no one car pools with you.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Just Before The War With The Robots

Never. That's when we'll learn. Never.

Some idiot went and taught a robot how to play Pong. Next thing you know, the crazy bastard will teach the archangel of the apocalypse how to play Donkey Kong, and from there, well, I think you can imagine what happens next. Here's a hint: we all die.