Wednesday, January 31, 2007



The format war sees its first casualty.

HD DVD
has a data layer that is as deep as DVD, so it’s reasonably well protected by the physical structure of the disc. When the Blu-Ray Disc was first proposed, it was in a carrier to protect its extremely shallow data layer. Some form of protective coating had to be developed to market the disc in naked form. Such a coating was developed and a clever spin technique was created for production. Apparently, BD’s potential physical vulnerability piqued the curiosity of a new PS3 owner....

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Laughing All The Way From The Skank



K-fed's Nationwide Insurance commercial has been released and it's actually pretty good. Not the rapping. Oh, no, not the rapping... but the commercial itself made me chuckle, and you gotta give K-Fed props for being able to laugh at himself. It's gotta be a pretty nice break from his usual sobbing.

Monday, January 29, 2007

That's So Vader!

A new day, and this question: why didn't anyone send me this?

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Hands Up!

Countless people sent me this link. I just can't imagine why.



Saturday, January 27, 2007

Gopher It

Everything old is, well, older. But remember when it was new?

NOTE: It's come to my attention that I haven't brought it to anyone's attention that the titles of these daily missives are often links to other stories. Since, in fact, these stories are usually what made me bother to blog that day in the first place, it's really quite a shame when they sit there unattended and unloved. Going forward I'll stop using that link (on my old template those links actually looked different, and invited clicking. On this one? Not so much.), but if you're so inclined, you really should go back and click those titles... who knows what you'll find? I'm pretty sure one of them is a link to a map to Eldorado... and another is a scan of K-Fed's jock strap. Go!

Sing Of Today

Later that same century:

"A Bay Area-based Web site is letting users search by singing a song, NBC11's Scott Budman reported. The new search engine, Midomi, lets users search for songs by singing them into a microphone.

Midomi's technology not only tracks down the song a user want, but it also links to other songs that may match the user's tastes.

"Sing 5, 10, even 30 seconds of that song, as much as you can remember, and we search the database and bring up the song for you," said Midomi CEO Keyvan Mohajer." ~KNTV

Friday, January 26, 2007

Burnin' Love

While typing random ambitions of mine into my browser address bar and discovering that there is no Armrrestlejesus.com, I found that there is a BecomeGhostRider.com. The site is an ill-conceived promotional tool for Ghost Rider wherein those with webcams can make it look like they used a Photoshop tutorial to add flames to themselves. I didn't do it myself, but I did appreciate the efforts of others, such as the man above, who felt it necessary and acceptable to take his shirt off.

Honorary mentions go out to guy who bothered putting on a rubber skull mask and clearly-stoned-guy who's mellow but still kinda' freaking out about being on fire.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Chad's Hangin'


Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hatred leads to power.
Power leads to victory.
Let your anger flow through you.
Your hate will make you strong.
True power is only achieved through
testing the limits of one's anger,
passing through unscathed.
Rage channeled through anger is unstoppable.
The dark side of the Force
offers unimaginable power.
The dark side is stronger than the light.
The weak deserve their fate.
~Tenets of Sith philosophy
Note: Click the title of this post! It's a link to the first of two parts of this video! The funniest video EVER! EVER!
Post-Note Note: Turns out there are even more episodes of Chad Vader! Check e'm out!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Enemy Of The State



From Wonkette:

"Before we start with this year’s greatest-ever Official Wonkette SOTU Drinking Game, let’s all remember to play fair and play mean. Here are the Rules:

A “hit” (or “sip” for girls) is the basic unit of drinking of no offense to anybody.

A “shot” is the standard 1.5-ounce serving of hard liquor; If your shot glass has a line midway around it, this is the 1-ounce level. Go ahead and add another half ounce.

A “chug” is the act of consuming your entire beverage — usually beer — in a single terrible gulp.

“Valium” is the trademarked name for the now-generic prescription benzodiazepine derivative.

Substitute any Rx downer in your medicine cabinet if Diazepam is not available.

A “rail” is two 1.5-inch-long lines of cocaine or methamphetamine. Get it, like a little railroad!

But in these more innocent days, most people mean a single line when they say “rail.” We mean two lines.

If you don’t have a gun, keep a heavy cast-iron skillet and a box of rat poison near your television.

Let the games begin!

Take a hit when:
News anchor mumbles incoherently about “the speech of this president’s mmm bbl mmmm.”


“Political analyst” brings up any SOTU before Eisenhower.


Fat congressman bumps into camera, causing discernible wobble.

Fox cuts to Jim Webb looking crazy.

One booze hit, one bong hit if Bush:
Says “freedom loving people” and “Iraq” in same sentence.


Repeats same bullshit about oil dependence from last year.

Makes first malapropism.

Starts frantically blinking.

Do a shot when:
CNN cuts to Nancy Pelosi frowning or wagging her finger.


Fox anchor calls Obama “Osama.”

Abandoned CSPAN camera stays on closed door for 60 seconds or more.

Cheney gives his first curled-lip scowl.

Chug your beer or down your wine or do two shots when:
Audible boos regarding Iraq.


Audible boos regarding taxes on health care benefits.

Audible “fuck you!” from House side.

Fox cuts to Harry Reid playing pocket pool.

Pop two valiums and punch your roommate when:
Cheney clutches his chest and sags forward.


Do a rail and put on a Sabbath CD when:
Bush falsely claims God favors America in anything.


Demand heroin from your coke dealer and throw butcher knife at the cat:
Pelosi laughs when Bush talks about dead troops.


Three shots, two rails, shoot your TV and drive through neighbor’s living room:
Bush says state of the union is “wrong.”


Hooray for Democracy!"

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Timeout From Time Out

No surprise to anyone, Lindsay Lohan was spotted taking a break from rehab and entering the lobby of her apartment building yesterday. Residents of the Wonderland Center are allowed to leave to attend AA meetings and medical appointments, but I'm willing to bet Lindsay won't find either of those when she gets upstairs and opens her door.

Notice her clever disguise to avoid attention. You want to avoid attention? Wear your jacket over your head as you rush through the glass doors of your apartment building, trailed by photographers and the buzzards slowly circling your career. We're lucky she's not a spy for a rival nation, because I doubt the CIA would ever catch her. She'd just sneak into the White House by putting on a giant panda suit and pretending to read a newspaper as she sauntered past the guards. Thank god she's on our side.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Shape Shifter Saves Smallville Soon

Everybody's favorite Oreo-munching martian appears on this week's Smallville! Be there or be a LOSER!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

The 5th Horseman


Rating (out of 4)

3.30
Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.

3.29
Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

3.29
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

3.27
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

3.26
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

3.22
The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

3.20
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

3.19
There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.

3.18
They say you can't go a day without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.

3.15
Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.

3.12
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

3.09
When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin' hates lemonade.

3.08
As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.

3.07
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

3.07
After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

3.05
Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?"

3.03
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jack Bauer is going to find out why....

3.01
Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.

3.01
Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interrogated and killed.

3.01
Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.

3.01
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

3.00
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

3.00
On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.

Thanks Matt!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Just A Little Nervous From The Fall


In case you were wondering what on Earth could finally push Lindsay Lohan through the doors of a rehab center, well... okay. It was James Franco.

He reportedly rejected Lindsay Lohan multiple times at Prince's Golden Globes afterparty which reduced her to tears and may have been what pushed her over the edge and into rehab. A guest says:


"She came with her manager, Jason Weinberg, and a girlfriend, but she was mostly
solo for the whole night," says our source. "Most people were in a good mood -
except for her. She seemed lost. She was trying to get James' attention, and he
wouldn't give her anything. She was smoking a lot, not drinking in front of him,
and then she went into a bedroom. From there, she went back to trying to get
James' attention again, and he was ignoring her. She ran out crying, with the
girlfriend following her." This was about 3:30 a.m.; Lohan was reportedly found
passed out in a hotel hallway about 6am."


How could anybody resist Lindsay Lohan's charms? Found passed out in a hotel hallway? I'm assuming this was after she took off her panties and playfully threw them at James Franco as he huddled in a corner pretending to be locked in conversation with a potted plant.

Friday, January 19, 2007

James Brown Was Wrong

It's not a man's world.

Forbes
has compiled a confusing list of the Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment. To put together the list they ruled out "non-working celebs who essentially live off royalties (Barbra Streisand, for example), and we also excluded 'Old Hollywood' types like Elizabeth Taylor."

So basically it's the 20 richest women in entertainment that you'd be familiar with, and not your mom. Here's their list in order from richest to poorest:

1. Oprah Winfrey
2. J.K. Rowling
3. Martha Stewart
4. Madonna
5. Celine Dion
6. Mariah Carey
7. Janet Jackson
8. Julia Roberts
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Jennifer Aniston
11. The Olsen Twins
12. Britney Spears
13. Judge Judy
14. Sandra Bullock
15. Cameron Diaz
16. Gisele Bundchen
17. Ellen DeGeneres
18. Nicole Kidman
19. Christina Aguilera
20. Renee Zellweger

There's a lot of names on there I just don't understand. Why is Jennifer Aniston number 10? And how did Renee Zellweger make the list? And by now, doesn't Julia Roberts qualify for "Old Holllywood?" How can a list generate so many questions? What we need is another list.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Ball Room

1:02

I want to be a grown-up about this, I really do... but... heh... heh-heh....

"Rise" of the Silver Surfer. Get it?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Diamonds And Pearls Before Swine

The geniuses who brought you football, the Super Bowl and whistling at women as you drive past in your Matador are trying to get together celebrities for an all-star NFL Network promo to air during the game, but a source says Britney Spears' people "were turned down flat-out when they asked about participating."

"She's too much of a train wreck," says the insider. "Besides, we already have Paris Hilton. Janet Reno and David Beckham are also on the wish list," says the source. "Larry David said he might do it. Also, we're trying to get Predator, from the movie."

Paris Hilton is less of a train wreck than Britney Spears? And, seriously? They're actually proud that they've got Paris Hilton in their promo? It's like bragging that you've got Tara Reid on your chess team. And what the hell kind of promo is this? Paris Hilton, Janet Reno, and the damn Predator? Apparently they've confused football with The Surreal Life: Fame Games.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Action Not Words

As excited as I am about this:


"20th Century Fox Licensing & Merchandising and McFarlane Toys announce a licensing agreement to produce action figures based on Fox's multiple Emmy®-and-Golden Globe award-winning program 24. McFarlane Toys' 24 action figures are expected to hit store shelves in August and December 2007."

I'm sickened by this:

"Listen To Her Preach, Teach & Nag!
23 different phrases that the highly anticipated Dr. Laura action figure will say when you press her button. Batteries Included, $29.95 plus S&H"

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Where Imagination Ends



The Great Hall in Logan's Run is one of the most iconic images in Science Fiction.


Never mind that this was the introduction to one of the first SciFi films I ever saw, it was the beginning of my understanding that the future may be bright and shiny, but it's dark too.

It also taught me not to run in a mall.


That's right, the Great Hall? It was just a shopping mall in Texas. See?

"Was" being the operative word. They just tore it down. Bastards.

I hate last day.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Two Steps Back



Paula Abdul appeared on Fox's Seattle affiliate to promote American Idol recently, but instead she reminded us of the dangers of substance abuse. Just curious, but is she ever not drunk?

I dunno, but if I'm a producer of American Idol, I'd want to promote my show, not send out cautionary tales in pancake makeup to fall off stools and speak like they're in the middle of having a stroke.

Paula Abdul, man... if you x-rayed her head you'd find a bunch of cobwebs and an IOU from god that reads "One brain."

Friday, January 12, 2007

One Singular Sensation

Blahblahblah, Transformers movie. Blahblahblah, Optimus Prime.

Whatever.

Here's your first look at the evil Megatron

Two words: Jazz hands!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

It's Hard Out Here For A Disc

Here's the thing: I have a lot of DVDs. I have a lot of DVDs and I am not in a hurry to commit to HD DVD or Blu-Ray just yet... so did my choice just get harder, or easier?

If you -like me- are still waivering between HD DVD and Blu-Ray (and, honestly, who isn’t?) then you’ll either be very pleased or very angry that Warner Home Video have announced a third format: the Total Hi Def disc, a hybrid choice containing both formats.

The title they were showing off at CES 2007 was Superman Returns, which apparently played on a Pioneer Blu-ray player, a Toshiba HD-DVD player and an LG Super Multi player (which plays both formats anyway) looking exactly the same on all three.

A nice technological achievement for sure. But is adding what’s essentially a third format really the right way to win the format war I'm already sick of? Even though it’s a great compromise between the two, Warner will still have to market the hell out of the Total Hi Def disc and beat out the Toshiba and Pioneer products, effectively making themselves just another competitor. But the boxes are red and blue.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Roadkilled



You wanna' know what the lowest-grossing film of the year was?

Zyzzyx Road cost approximately $2 million to make, but took just $30 at the box office.

$30.

Devin Faraci over at CHUD.com first spotted this box office disaster, so he gets the credit for tracking down the following information:

"It was in just one theater for just one week. The lucky theater in question was the Highland Village Park Theater in Dallas ,Texas. It opened on February 25th 2006, and closed six days later."

Directed by John Penney, the unpronounceable (oh, like you can hear that word in your head) film starred Katherine Heigl of Grey’s Anatomy fame, Tom Sizemore of, well, Tom Sizemore fame and Leo Grillo, of, well... nothing. Coincidentally, Zyzzyx Road was made by Leo Grillo Productions. Just try to figure the odds on that.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut

Sometimes you don't.

While it's interesting to me that in this post-Janet era of television somehow Prince is considered "family safe" programming, I have to say -though I am a huge prince fan- Bob Goulet is gonna' kick his scrawny ass this super Sunday. Mark my words. Use a purple Sharpie if it makes you feel better.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Snakes Take

Our blessed lady of no panties, Britney Spears, was spotted coming out of Dolce in West Hollywood last Wednesday and as she walked out she was overheard repeating, "I love myself, I love myself." Then someone shouted, "You look beautiful!" to which she replied, "I love you for saying that!" And now on her official site she put up a posting saying the media is misrepresenting her. She writes:

"Dear Fans,

It has been a while since I've addressed you personally here on my official website. The last couple of years have been quite a ride for me, the media has criticized my every move and printed a skewed perception of who I really am as a human being. Behind every decision I have made in my public life there always seems to be an apparent contradiction. I have come to terms with that which is why I usually don't pay much attention to it.

The last couple of years have been very enlightening for me and now that I've had the time to be "me," I've been able to sit down and think about where I want to go with myself as an entertainer with absolutely no strings attached. I am now more mature and feel like I am finally "free." I've been working so hard on this new album and I can't wait for you all to hear it and to go on tour again! I would like to exclusively tell you that I am working hard to release the new album sometime later this year, but the date is of course not certain yet. I look forward to coming back this year bigger and better than ever, and to also reaching out to my fans on a more personal level. I noticed today that one of my biggest fansites is shutting down soon and I want you all to know that I do understand all the reasons that went behind making that decision, and I am sad to see it closing. If I were you I'd be unhappy too if I had to read what I've been reading every day. But trust me, I get it. I know I've been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Love, Britney"

I guess she has the right to say the media has her all wrong. She also has the right to say she's a magical fairy trilobite from the land of Robitussin choco-dreams but it doesn't make it so.

Actions speak louder than words, so when you're photographed going out every night with your genitals hanging out and kids nowhere to be seen it's just a matter of time before people start putting the pieces together. How was she expecting this to play out? Hmm, well she's never seen with her kids. And she's partying every night. And she doesn't wear underwear anymore. By my powers of deduction she must be a caring mother of incredible character and dignity!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Pure Sanctuary

The day after she "passed out" or "fell asleep" or whatever the hell happened on New Year's Eve, Britney Spears reportedly checked into Sanctuary, a super posh resort and spa in Arizona, citing "exhaustion," which is usually code for rehab. What? I'm the only one who knows this?
"With these celebrities, 'exhaustion' sometimes means something else and a little rest at a spa sometimes actually translates into something a little more serious," says a source. Spears' rep couldn't be reached for comment, but L&S reports that the singer's parents are urging their daughter to go into therapy. "It's just been heartbreaking for her parents to watch Britney on this downward spiral," an "insider" told the mag. "It's so sad."

It's hard to believe Britney Spears has been over working herself considering the only work she's done in the past year is lifting bags of Cheetos and/or bottles of alcohol. Although she did manage to forget to wear panties a few times. So yeah, I guess exhaustion sounds about right.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Dink-A-Dink-A-Dink

So long, Kid Chino... we hardly knew ye.

We've watched them, we've loved them, we've edited group photos of them so it looks like we're best friends forever with them, but now it's all coming to a close: The OC has been canceled, my friends. Following drastic drops in ratings, Fox has decided to end our involvement in the lives of troubled Ryan, awkward -yet brilliant- Seth, socialite -yet, really, kinda' mean- Summer, popular Taylor, recovering-alcoholic Kirsten, and Peter Gallagher's eyebrows.

Though they weren't family, it had grown to feel like it over the last four seasons. When company would come over, I'd first introduce them to my regular family, then my young, attractive OC family. Sometimes, if the person I was introducing my two families to was young and attractive, I'd just skip my normal family altogether.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Lohan Of The Lost

Happy New Year! Just when you thought he couldn't get any more pathetic, Us Weekly reports Kevin Federline hit on Lindsay Lohan on December 22, texting "We should hang out" to her only to get rejected.

"She was totally grossed out," a Lohan pal tells Us. Says another, "She thought it was hilarious." However, Federline, didn't appreciate Lohan's "Why would I hang out with you?" reply. He fired back, calling her a "firecrotch." Says the source, "She couldn't believe he was so pathetic. She doesn't want him using her to make Britney jealous."


I thought K-Fed peaked on the pathetic-o-meter months ago but he's really going for the gold here. Maybe next week he can be caught rummaging through garbage for aluminum cans or taking his cousin to someone else's high school prom. The only people who get rejected by Lindsay Lohan for sex aren't even people. They're usually just furniture, or lawn gnomes... and even then it's not always a rejection.

Monday, January 01, 2007

So We're Told This Is The Golden Age

As you'll recall, I recently posted our fantasy football season recap... but I know you've been wondering about the playoffs, so here's the news:

Well, now that they're over, it's safe to tell you: they're over.

Nancy, sadly, was eliminated in the first round of our NFL.COM playoffs. The only silver lining? She lost to the league leader, who wound up winning the whole shebang the next week.

Meanwhile, in the office Yahoo league? I made it to the championship game, only to lose by 5 points. I blame my loss on Champ Bailey's interception and subsequent return for a touchdown. You can blame it on whatever you like. Bottom line: I finished 2nd overall... my best finish ever, so I can't so much complain... though I doubt that'll stop me.

The countdown to August has begun....

UPDATE: So, the Yahoo league? Every week it'll post stat corrections (if any corrections are to be made), right? Like a tackle that wasn't credited will be credited, or a player's total yards will be adjusted. This happens toward the end of the week; these changes are posted just before the next week's games begin. When I posted this, I'd lost by 5 points. After the weekly stat corrections? I lost by one. Ow.