Thursday, April 30, 2009

Now With More Killer Robot!

I'm not shilling for Denny's, honest... but this commercial highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines, and you should really see it. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish!



The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

No Arigato! No!

Haven't I been sayin' it?

A stone-lifting robot attacked a factory worker in Sweden, nearly killing him. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be.

Per Google translation:

"When the man went into the building he thought that he broke the power of the machine but he had not. Instead, the robot in time and brought formidable force while in the man's head. He managed to defend itself, but received serious injuries on the body.

"The man had big turn. He had four broken ribs and was close to delete with, "says Leif Johansson"

"Close to delete." That's Google translation talk for mostly dead. NOW can we just all agree to lift our own rocks?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Proof Of Pork

Yes, it's bacon-flavored vodka.

Yes, it's real.

No, you aren't limited to pouring it on syrup-flavored strippers.

Oooooo! Recipes!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Red Rover

Yeah, so while you were sleeping....
"A team led by Byeong-Chun Lee of Seoul National University in South Korea created the dogs by cloning fibroblast cells that express a red fluorescent gene produced by sea anemones.

"Greg Barsh, a geneticist at Stanford University who studies dogs as models of human disease, says creating a transgenic dog is "an important accomplishment", showing that cloning and transgenesis can be applied to a wide range of mammals.

"I do not know of specific situations where the ability to produce transgenic dogs represents an immediate experimental opportunity," Barsh adds. But transgenic dogs will give researchers another potential tool to understand disease."

Huh. I just thought it was so burglars wouldn't trip over them.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Temple Of Logan

Okay, so look: I don't actually give a shit about the new Wolverine: Dress Patterns film opening soon, alright? Quit asking me about it.

But just look how X-treme this highly-sweetened cappuccino is at your local 7-11! It's probably the most X-treme "French vanilla energy boost" on the market. Way more X-treme than Candy Cane Cocoa, that's for sure. You hand one of these to Wolverine and, why, he can't even wait for it to cool! Luckily, his mutant healing factor quickly soothes his burnt tongue.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Bug. Zapper.

What? "Why?" I don't know why. Why do people build any kind of robot? Exactly, because they're assholes. And stupid. Both.
"Designed and built by an Ibaraki man in his garage over the course of
eleven years, the "Kabutom MX-03″ looks like a prop from a Power Rangers
spin-off but is an actual working vehicle.


"Shaped like a kabuto-mushi (rhinocerous beetle, a favorite design of
Japanese toymakers and, uh, candymakers), it can be remote controlled or piloted
from the cockpit (visible on the left side), and is capable of carrying
passengers inside its shell."


First of all, eleven years? Some poor bastard pissed away more than a decade building what I'm going to destroy in an alcohol-fueled afternoon? Sucks. Sorta'.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Enter Scary Girl

It's huge. It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's fun to play.

Check it out! Scary Girl!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Head-Bobbin'-Up-Skirtin'-Perversion-Therapy

Japanese erotic game maker Teatime's latest perversion comes in the form of Tech48, a platform which allows players to look at the in-game characters using head-tracking technology via webcam. What does this mean to the lay-pervert? More realistic upskirt action!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Taxing

Look, before you start huffing and puffing and crowing about not filing, read this.

Then rush to the Post Office like everyone else.

Happy compulsory compliance!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Braaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnssssssss

Speaking of the dead rising, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer this weekend, and blamed it on the fact he thought the guy was a zombie. There's really nothing more I can say.

"Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

"With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said."

Friday, April 10, 2009

Smoked Out

So, the story goes that due to excess smoke and poor ventilation, Britney Spears was forced to leave the stage for 30 minutes during her concert in Vancouver the other night. She eventually returned to finish up her set (blessing or curse? YOU make the call!). That's right, kids! "Don't smoke weed. Rock out with your cocks out. Peace, motherfuckers!"



So, for those of you keeping score at home, Britney Spears no longer thinks it's cool to do all those drugs she did, but still supports genital flashing... and cursing at pre-teens. I guess a tiger really doesn't change its stripes. Or start wearing underwear.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

A Dish Best Served Unexpectedly

All I can say? If I'd been there? I'd still be unconscious.

Set phasers on CLICK!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Negative Creep

Our lady of great agony, Courtney Love, is reporting that the Cobain estate has been "looted" for over $30 million in cash and $500 in real estate.

Maybe next time she'll think twice before having her gifted and prolific husband killed. Naaaah, probably not.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Friends Like These

Okay, so I have to admit I started reading this NY Daily News item about her moving on from John Mayer fully-prepared to mock the both of them (though, truth be told, that's pretty much how I start each day anymore)... but then, well... I couldn't help but notice the most asinine and ridiculous thing I've ever read. Ever.

"Jen checked out a cute guy walking in. She looked him up and down...
twice!" our source said. "She flashed him a beaming smile but got pulled back
into a conversation with her girlfriends."Aniston giggled with two gal pals, and
appeared excited to be at the charity concert, which raised more than $3
million to teach children how to meditate
."
$3 million dollars to teach kids how to meditate? Are you fucking kidding me?

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Inside All Of Us...



Did they do it? Did they really make the Where the Wild Things Are film we were all waiting for?

Holy shit... I think they did.

Gonna' watch again now. Bye.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Look At Me!

That's. Just. Swell.

Demi Moore's Twitter addiction thwarted a suicide attempt after receiving a disturbing tweet last night. E! News reports:
"I'm just wondering if anyone cares that I'm gonna kill myself now," she wrote to the star. Serious or not, her previous messages that hour--not directed at any one particular person--showed the Silicon Valley girl contemplating suicide and wavering on the decision.

"Shortly thereafter, the girl messaged the Ghost star again. "Getting a knife, a big one that is sharp. Going to cut my arm down the whole arm so it doesn't waste time," she wrote.

"Moore immediately replied, "Hope you are joking," sharing the scenario with her nearly 400,000 followers.

"The brief exchange spurred many people to action, and the San Jose Police Department was flooded with calls on the matter."

Like any good Twit (that's what they call themselves, right?), Demi updated her followers on the situation. And so did Ashton because they do everything together. Insert sigh and read along:

"Everyone I was very torn about responding or retweeting that woman's post but felt uncomfortable just letting it go," Moore told her followers an hour later. In another post, she wrote, "Thanks everyone for reaching out to the San Jose PD I am told they are aware and no need to call anymore. I do not know this woman."

"A few hours later, the celebrity tweeted a confirmation of the events' validity. "It is my understanding that the situation was not a joke and that through the collective efforts here, action was taken to provide help."

"Or, as husband Ashton Kutcher wrote on his own feed: "wifey reported a suicide attempt based on a at reply tweet she got and saved someones life. the woman is in the hospital now."
Great. So Demi Moore just validated the entire Twitter community which apparently consists of suicidal maniacs, her asshat of a husband ("wifey"?) and Heidi Montag. Narcissism: It saves lives!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Robobaby Uprising!

"Sculptor Kenji Yanobe's Giant Torayan robot, a 7.2-meter (24-ft) tall
mechanical baby that sings, dances and spits fire, was sighted in Tokyo's
Roppongi district last night. The fire-breathing robot spent the night on center
stage at "Roppongi Art Night," an all-night event featuring installations and
performances by dozens of artists at various venues in the area."

Well folks, it's been fun.