Thursday, September 29, 2016

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Best Thing I Said Today.

"Look, it's like how you can't simply compare a tornado and a breeze. Sure, both are weather systems that can knock leaves off of trees, but only one of them is capable of pulling your house into the sky and forcing you to live with hundreds of little people."

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Monday, September 19, 2016

What You Need To Know About False Equivalence.

Now, make sure you're registered to vote... this is not a choice between "the lesser of two evils."

Friday, September 16, 2016

Thursday, September 15, 2016

The Best Thing I Said Today.

"It's like that frustration you feel when you're trying to reload a Pez dispenser... except you don't get any Pez."

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Monday, September 12, 2016

While You Were Creeping.

Your 2016 NFL cheerleader squads:

Arizona Cardinals Cheerleaders
Atlanta Falcons Cheerleaders
Baltimore Ravens Cheerleaders
Buffalo Jills
Carolina Topcats
Chicago Honey Bears
Cincinnati Ben–Gals
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
Denver Broncos Cheerleaders
Detroit Lions Cheerleaders
Green Bay Packers Cheerleaders
Houston Texans Cheerleaders
Indianapolis Colts Cheerleaders
Jacksonville ROAR
Kansas City Chiefs Cheerleaders
Los Angeles Rams Cheerleaders
Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders
Minnesota Vikings Cheerleaders
New England Patriots Cheerleaders
New Orleans Saintsations
New York Jets Flight Crew
Oakland Raiderettes
Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders
Pittsburgh Steelerettes
San Diego Charger Girls
San Francisco Gold Rush
Seattle Sea Gals
Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cheerleaders
Tennessee Titans Cheerleaders
Washington Redskins Cheerleaders

Thursday, September 08, 2016

Tuesday, September 06, 2016

Monday, September 05, 2016

Quien Es, Este Nino?

Look, we all know the matter/anti-matter drill: when two identical particles of each meet, everything goes. Instantly, violently, loudly... though no one would be left to hear.

So, look: this guy isn't me, but if he looked up? If we approached each other? The end of everything.

We didn't.

You're welcome.

And now, like Captain Kirk, I do believe the universe owes me one.

Sunday, September 04, 2016

Stolen By Rebel Spies.

How did we never wonder about this story? #whocaresaboutfirstsentencesanyway

Saturday, September 03, 2016

Friday, September 02, 2016