Fantasy Recap Week 3: Time Won't Let Me

Three weeks down. These football seasons... they grow up so fast, don't they? Not so long ago, this season was so young... so full of promise... now it's staring down the barrel of two crappy fantasy starts. Do I feel lucky? No, mostly just annoyed... who says that the running back is the meat in our fantasy football sandwich, anyway? You sure couldn't prove it by me in those two 0-3 leagues. I've been Maroneyed!

So, in my NFL.COM league? I lost. As projected. Dammit.

Catchers in the Rye
Projected: Loss
Actual: Loss 51-69

The standings:

East

Eau Claire Vandals 2-1-0
LacesOu 2-1-0
Textboo 1-2-0
Catchers in the Rye 1-2-0

Central

Tiny Adorable Hedgehogs 2-1-0
Goregor 2-1-0
Death by Haiku 2 2-1-0
RumseyB 0-3-0

West

DredPir 3-0-0
HolyHan 2-1-0
Mothers 1-2-0
Underdo 0-3-0

The saddest part is I lost to Matt (a co-worker and fellow traveller in the lands of multiplayer fragfests) who hasn't looked at his line-up since... since... you know, I don't think he's ever looked at his line-up. Me? I spend hours... days.. adjusting my players ("fellers" is the technical term in our household, actually)... and I lose ingloriously. Matt? Doesn't spend a moment, and wins without knowing. I'm pretty sure that makes me the bonehead in this scenario.

In one of the anonymous solo leagues... I didn't lose... but I didn't win either. I actually tied. It's one of those things in life that you know is possible... but you never imagined it was possible... you know? Like winning the lottery, or not having to sit next to the drunk homeless guy on the 38 Geary.

Sith Lords of the Gridiron
Projected: Loss
Actual: Tie 111-111

Behold, standings!

Central
Clemson 2-0-1
UsualSu 2-1-0
LofasLa 1-2-0
Sith Lords of the Gridiron 0-2-1

East

BBbadbo 3-0-0
Knights 2-1-0
FBomber 1-2-0
royals1 0-3-0

West

YounGGu 3-0-0
Lynchbe 2-1-0
TeamAlp 1-2-0
FifeFan 0-3-0

I guess the good news is I'm not 0-3. Sigh.

In the other solo league? I won! 3-0, baby! I have to say I owe it all mostly to Tom Brady, but I still don't buy the argument that he's this generation's Joe Montana. You know who's this generation's Joe Montana? Joe Montana, that's who, motherf**cker.

The Powerful Mach 5!
Projected: Loss
Actual: Win 103-46

Hey! Standings!

Central

Powerful Mach Five 3-0-0
Provide 2-1-0
JediMas 1-2-0
Bigbron 0-3-0

East

NEPats 2-1-0
Skeleto 2-1-0
baldeag 2-1-0
ItaliHe 0-3-0

West

Provide 3-0-0
xchucki 2-1-0
KNIGHTS 1-2-0
Breakin 0-3-0

Needless to say I'm pretty pleased with how things are going here so far. I'm taking a page from Han Solo's book though, and not getting cocky. Last year, you'll recall, I went 8-0 in a league, only to miss the playoffs by one win. Yeah, I'm not getting a bust molded for Canton just yet.

In my Yahoo! league? I won!

Blue Blazer Regulars
Projected: Loss
Actual: Win 310-295

It was a nail-biter, and happy as I am to get a win, I feel bad that Rick had to fall... but maybe I'm teaching him a valuable life lesson. A lesson about hubris, and that thing that comes before a fall... what's that again? Awkward flailing? I can never remember. I walk away with the win, but it could just as easily been a loss... and at least Rick would've appreciated the win in that case, unlike some people (coughMATTcough) I know....

Whatchootalkinabout, standings?

1. Night Train 3-0-0
2. Extreme Hummingbird 2-1-0
3. Purple Crap Stains 2-1-0
4. De chier des bulles 2-1-0
5. Blue Blazer Regulars 2-1-0
6. MightyPurpleHelmets 1-2-0
7. Snooze Alarm 1-2-0
8. Purple People Eaters 1-2-0
9. LiL Man 1-2-0
10. Intercepticons 0-3-0

One of the cool things about a Yahoo! league is how quickly your fortunes can change for the better. In a week I went from almsot last to not-so-far-from-first... or maybe that was just in my mind. Anyway, I suck less this week, which is always nice... and never Christmas.

Finally, the office Yahoo! league. Yet another big, fat loss. My only 0-3 team.

Live Free; Rhyme Hard
Projected: Win
Actual: Loss 245.52-263.17

This is the league, remember, where I drafted Ladanian Tomlinson. He's the guy who's supposed to make a fantasy football team, not break one. Does he even listen to Madden's color commentary during the games? Could someone send him a tape? You're supposed to "get past that last man" and "have a nose for the endzone" because in the end "you want to get points on the board." Oh, and "Boom!" Sweet jebus, Ladanian... why have you foresaken the "Boom!"?

Standings? We don't need no steeeenkin' standings!

1. Death by Haiku 3-0-0
2. BALCO 3-0-0
3. The Pastry Ducks 2-1-0
4. The Flying Frenchman 2-1-0
5. Arsenal 2-1-0
6. LightsOut 2-1-0
7. San Diego Zoo 1-2-0
8. Baby Bashers 1-2-0
9. Bliss's Blitzers 1-2-0
10. Alabama Hot Pockets 1-2-0
11. Livefree; Rhymehard 0-3-0
12. ativan stat 0-3-0

Yup, that's me waaaay down near the bottom. My worst start to a fantasy football season ever. My mother would be so proud. No, really. She only ever wanted me to have friends, and what better way to make friends than to let them walk all over you in fantasy football? It beats being the lookout for late-night bank robberies, or buying Scoutorama tickets. At least, um... that's what I hear.

So, there you go. Week 3 is in the bag. It's a mixed bag, sure, but what else could you reasonably expect with 5 fantasy teams in the running? I suppose there's a lot of games left, and plenty of time to get points on the board. It ain't over 'till it's over, right John? Boom!