Fantasy Recap, Week 1: Welcome To The Jungle

It's hard to believe, but week 1 of the fantasy football season? It's in the books!

Now let's stuff those books in a bag, and dump the bag in a half-frozen river, shall we? Yes, that's a thinly-veiled metaphor for what small-minded people do with unwanted kittens. Week 1? Week 1 is my unwanted kitten. I'd be happy if it was sent to a farm to romp... it doesn't necessarily have to be drowned in a half-frozen river... but you get the idea. It was a bad, bad week.

This year I'm adding a li'l somethin' to the weekly fantasy football recaps! I'll track what my projected outcome was for each game (based on the league's fantasy gurus), and what the actual outcome was! That way you can play along, and watch as my dreams are crushed on weeks when the fantasy gurus swear that I'll go 5-0, or swoon right along with me as I defy the gurus who insisted that I'd lose every last game, only to pull out the improbable win or two despite the odds and the fates!

Oh, and for your color-coded good times? Me, Nancy, Joe & Tony.

Let's start with the NFL.COM league I run, Life is a Game, Boy:

Catchers in the Rye
Projected: Loss
Actual: Loss 30.00-87.00

I lost! I lost huge! 30 points? Who knew a score that low was even possible? The only bright side was... hell, there was no bright side. Who am I kidding?

The standings:

East
EauClaire Vandals 1-0-0
LacesOu 1-0-0
Textboo 0-1-0
Catchers in the Rye 0-1-0

Central
TinyAdorable Hedgehogs 1-0-0
Goregor 1-0-0
DeathbyHaiku2 0-1-0
RumseyB 0-1-0

West
DredPir 1-0-0
Mothers 1-0-0
HolyHan 0-1-0
Underdo 0-1-0

As crappy as I feel getting 30 points (did I mention that I only got 30 points?), I have to say it's pretty cool that the newbies all did pretty well for the most part. At least, they did better than thier commissioner. It's a league of first-timers for the most part, and they did themselves proud... and, y'know, got more than 30 points.

In another NFL.COM league -No. 1 Seahawks- I fared slightly better... but with the same sad, sad outcome.

Sith Lords of the Gridiron
Projected: Loss
Actual: Loss 91.00-127.00

Oh. Boy. Another loss. I was winning this game 'till Monday night, dammit.

Central
UsualSu 1-0-0
Clemson 1-0-0
LofasLa 0-1-0
SithLords of the Gridiron 0-1-0

East
FBomber 1-0-0
BBbadbo 1-0-0
royals1 0-1-0
Knights 0-1-0

West
YounGGu 1-0-0
Lynchbe 1-0-0
TeamAlp 0-1-0
FifeFan 0-1-0

So, so far? That's two leagues that I'm in last place in my division, and one where I find myself last place overall. I was never good at PE, but as I recall, last place is bad. I shoulda' paid more attention.

In the last NFL.COM league, Die Hard Fantasy Football 2007:

The Powerful Mach 5!
Projected: Win
Actual: Win 123.00-108.00

WOOHOO! A win!

Central
Powerful Mach Five! 1-0-0
Provide 1-0-0
Bigbron 0-1-0
JediMas 0-1-0

East
NEPats 1-0-0
baldeag 1-0-0
Skeleto 0-1-0
ItaliHe 0-1-0

West
Provide 1-0-0
xchucki 1-0-0
Breakin 0-1-0
KNIGHTS 0-1-0

A win! And that's me in first place in my division! What do the kids say... "YIPPEE!"

Meanwhile, in the Yahoo! league I run, Pigskin Pajama Party? Guess. Go on. Guess how I did.

Blue Blazer Regulars
Projected: Win
Actual: Loss 223.00-259.00

1. Purple Crap Stains 1-0-0
2. Extreme Hummingbird 1-0-0
3. Night Train 1-0-0
4. Snooze Alarm 1-0-0
5. De chier des bulles 1-0-0
6. MightyPurpleHelmets 0-1-0 .
7. Intercepticons 0-1-0
8. Purple People Eaters 0-1-0
9. Blue Blazer Regulars 0-1-0
10. LiL Man 0-1-0

Yup. A big, fat loss. I played Joe in this league. If I have to lose to someone, Joe's a better choice than most... but the thing is? It still sucks. Especially watching the win get snatched away on Monday evening by his QB... a QB I started in another league. See, the irony here is I needed that QB to do crappy here so I could win... but I also needed him to do well in the other league so I could win there. What he did instead? He was as mediocre as possible, and as a result robbed me in both leagues. That's right, I'm talkin' to you, Carson Palmer!

Nancy, by the way, is not only in 5th here, but you may have noticed she's in first in her NFL.COM division AND that she won both games this week! I'd like to say that's all due to my fine instruction and inspiration... but sadly, all available evidence contradicts that statement. I did send her a link to the fantasy football sign-up pages though... that counts for something, right?

Oh look! That "other league" I was just mentioning? This is it! Al Bundy Football League! And lookee there! It's another loss! This time to Tony! Carson Palmer may have let me down, but Tony's defense was stellar, so I'm not sure it woulda' made a difference if Carson was firing footballs out of his butt at eagerly-awaiting wide receivers... though it woulda' made for damn good TV.

Live Free; Rhyme Hard
Projected: Win
Actual: Loss 249.44-275.09

1. LightsOut 1-0-0
2. The Flying Frenchman 1-0-0
3. Death by Haiku 1-0-0
4. Arsenal 1-0-0
5. BALCO 1-0-0
6. Bliss's Blitzers 1-0-0
7. San Diego Zoo 0-1-0
8. Livefree; Rhymehard 0-1-0
9. The Pastry Ducks 0-1-0
10. Baby Bashers 0-1-0
11. Alabama Hot Pockets 0-1-0
12. ativan stat 0-1-0

In 8th for now. I'm okay with that... for this week, anyway.

So that's a wrap for Week 1, my friends. Me? I'm learning from it, and moving on. At least I hope so... I don't want a repeat of what happened when I designed and built those waffle-powered submersibles. Then? Then I just moved on... turns out the learning is the most important part of that statement. Now I know.