I Am Jack's Humble Pie

Remember last week? When I went 4-0? Those were good times.

This week? I went 3-1. I almost won every game... except for that one... that one I lost. "Gee, Chris!" you ask. "Who'd you lose to, you fantasy football stud, you?" Why, funny you should ask! I lost to my beloved, fantasy football savant wife, Nancy! Could you believe cocktails?

Let's start with a league I didn't lose in, shall we? The office Yahoo league. Take a looksee.

Yahoo League

1. AllStar Chuck Norris 3-0-0
2. Go Frenchy!! 3-0-0
3. San Diego Zoo 3-0-0
4. Arsenal 3-0-0
5. Tropical Depressions 3-0-0
6. Cincinnati Steamers 3-0-0
7. Chuck A Ducks 2-1-0
8. Ninerjunky08 2-1-0
9. san jose 49ers 2-1-0
10. Owens R Us 1-2-0
11. Rusty Trombones 1-2-0
12. MB Blitz 1-2-0
13. Hot Pipin Carl 1-2-0
14. Anal Tongue Darts 1-2-0
15. DEM HOODSTARZ 1-2-0
16. mmmmmm..beer 0-3-0
17. Jumers Junkies 0-3-0
18. Blitzburgh 0-3-0
19. I Miss Baseball 0-3-0
20. Pig Skins & Beer 0-3-0

That's right, sports fans! I won! 3-0 in that league! I scratched my way up to fourth! It was a big game, 'cause like I said last week, if I lost (to Tony), Tony was gonna' shoot right past me in the rankings, and the odds of me catching him were... what's the word... "slim." Luckily (for me, anyway) I won. The bad news is I'm facing another tough opponent this week who, unfortunately, just noticed his QB is on a bye this week, and started his only other QB option who -until this week- had never started a game. Dammit. So I lost that edge. Dammit. So now... well, it doesn't look good for going 4-0 there... dammit.

While you were sleeping, over in that league I'm soldiering on all on my own? I won! I'm in first place in my division. That, my friends, does not suck.

Slobber Knockers 2

Central Division
Team
Mos Eisley Marauders 2 1 0
Steel Curtain 2 1 0
Cowboys from Hell 2 1 0
Florida Dolphins 0 3 0

East Division
Team
James Gang 2 1 0
Ash Kickers 2 1 0
Fightin' Squid 1 2 0
Second Stringers 1 2 0

West Division
Team
from bittercreek 3 0 0
Denton County Saints 2 1 0
packers 1 2 0
TPDG 0 3 0

This week I'm playing the #2 guy in my division, so yeah... that matters.

In case you were wondering, in the league Nancy and I share alone? I won!

Idiots Legue

East Division
Team
Blue Meanies 3 0 0
NJ MAaTHiyAZ 1 2 0
The Steamrollers 1 2 0
goldminers 1 2 0

Central Division
Team
Pigs 2 1 0
Viagracide 2 1 0
Customs Cavity Searchers 1 2 0
Mighty Hamsters 1 2 0

West Division
Team
San Diego THUNDER 2 1 0
FesturingTaserWound 2 1 0
WARLORDS 1 2 0
Mrs. The Lunatic 1 2 0

I didn't play Nancy this week in this league, so I managed to squeak out the win. Once again, I'm leading my division (at 3-0), and by some miracle I'm the only 3-0 team in the entire league. I'm not sure what to say about that but "Cool."

Finally... here's where Nancy spanked me silly:

Wealth & Beauty

West Division
Team
cannon ball 3 0 0
The Punctuation 2 1 0
Omegahedrons 1 2 0
Charlatans EC 0 3 0

Central Division
Team
The Mighty Bosh 3 0 0
Nadia's Team 2 1 0
CBS Sportsline.com sucks 1 2 0
Candy Cave Dwellers 0 3 0

East Division
Team
Potato 2 1 0
Carl 2 1 0
Minny's Meanies 1 2 0
Arsenal 1 2 0

She not only had twice my score, but she finished with the highest score of the week. She dominated. She ruled. She, quite simply, kicked my ass. I couldn't be prouder of her... or in less of a hurry to play her again....

"Last week I tapped a guy and he and I got on the list for a fight. This guy must've had a bad week, got both my arms behind my head in a full nelson and rammed my face into the concrete floor until my teeth bit open the inside of my cheek and my eye was swollen shut and was bleeding, and after I said, stop, I could look down and there was a print of half my face in blood on the floor.

I shake the guy's hand and say, good fight.

This guy, he says, "How about next week?"

I try to smile against all the swelling, and I say, look at me, How about next month?"

~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club