I Am Jack's .500 Record

The hardest thing about football season? The balancing act.

Me? I don't care much about the games, just about my players. I watch the games to see how my players do... but I watch the games, y'understand. So Sundays become a TV wasteland for us. I do chores, and putter about, so it's not a total loss... but what we don't do is leave the house. Nancy couldn't be sweeter about it, but that doesn't change the fact that even I know that going outside is kinda' okay, and that it's even advisable on one of the two days off we get to share. So some days we stay in, and others? We go out. Last Sunday? We stayed in, and I went 2-2. Lookee.

First, the office Yahoo league. I won. Yay.

For some reason I always seem to ride the middle of the league, no matter the size. Maybe it's a metaphor. Maybe it's a coincidence. But there I am. In the middle.

1. AllStar Chuck Norris 1-0-0
2. Go Frenchy!! 1-0-0
3. Chuck A Ducks 1-0-0
4. San Diego Zoo 1-0-0
5. Cincinnati Steamers 1-0-0
6. Arsenal 1-0-0
7. MB Blitz 1-0-0
8. Tropical Depressions 1-0-0
9. Hot Pipin Carl 1-0-0
10. DEM HOODSTARZ 1-0-0
11. Owens R Us 0-1-0
12. Rusty Trombones 0-1-0
13. Jumers Junkies 0-1-0
14. san jose 49ers 0-1-0
15. Anal Tongue Darts 0-1-0
16. Ninerjunky08 0-1-0
17. mmmmmm..beer 0-1-0
18. Blitzburgh 0-1-0
19. Pig Skins & Beer 0-1-0
20. I Miss Baseball 0-1-0

Tony, it should be noted, had the third highest score in the league, and still lost. I don't know what to say about that but "That sucks." It does, too.

Meanwhile, in the only league all of us are in... take a look:

Wealth & Beauty

West Division
cannon ball 1 0
The Punctuation 1 0
Omegahedrons 0 1
Charlatans EC 0 1

Central Division
The Mighty Bosh 1 0
CBS Sportsline.com sucks 1 0
Nadia's Team 0 1
Candy Cave Dwellers 0 1

East Division
Carl 1 0
Potato 1 0
Minny's Meanies 0 1
Arsenal 0 1

First of all, amazingly, Robert lost. I'm speechless. I am without speech. In other league news, Joe, Nancy and I are in the same division, so pretty much no matter what that won't end well. This week though, Nancy was the only one who won of the three of us. Next week? I'm playing Joe... brother against brother. Maybe next Saturday's blog will be delivered on the back of an envelope.

Over in another league (the only league in which I'm going solo):

Slobber Knockers 2

Central Division
Steel Curtain 1 0
Cowboys from Hell 1 0
Mos Eisley Marauders 0 1
Florida Dolphins 0 1

East Division
Fightin' Squid 1 0
James Gang 1 0
Ash Kickers 0 1
Second Stringers 0 1

West Division
packers 1 0
from bittercreek 1 0
Denton County Saints 0 1
TPDG 0 1

Yup. I lost. I'm sure I have an excuse.

Finally, in the league Nancy and I share:

Idiots Legue

East Division
The Steamrollers 1 0
Blue Meanies 1 0
goldminers 0 1
NJ MAaTHiyAZ 0 1

Central Division
Pigs 1 0
Viagracide 1 0
Customs Cavity Searchers 0 1
Mighty Hamsters 0 1

West Division
San Diego THUNDER 1 0
FesturingTaserWound 1 0
WARLORDS 0 1
Mrs. The Lunatic 0 1

I won. Nancy lost. There you go.

So we're off to week 2! My star wide receiver? Out with a sore heel or some such nonsense. The good news is that this season none of my players tackled a bench and are already out for the season. Yes, that happened to me once. Quit laughing. You try planning for bench tackles. Let me know how that works out for you. See, it's all true, and it's all a metaphor.

Watch out for benches.

"By this time next week, each guy on the Assault Committee has to pick a fight where he won't come out a hero. And not in fight club. This is harder than it sounds. A man on the street will do anything not to fight. The idea is to take some Joe on the street who's never been in a fight and recruit him. Let him experience winning for the first time in his life. Get him to explode. Give him permission to beat the crap out of you. You can take it. If you win, you screwed up. "What we have to do, people," Tyler told the committee, "is remind these guys what kind of power they still have." "
~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club