The Smoking Gun got their hands on a copy of Kevin Federline's backstage demands, my friends!

Included are a bottle of Jack Daniel's, a bottle of Grey Goose, six bottles of specifically non-Evian water, a tray of gourmet cheeses, and a bunch of other crap he has no right to ask for. He had to give away tickets to his last concert, meaning he's got about as much star power as the assistant manager of an IHOP. The only thing that should be on this list is "Nobody hiding in my room to beat me up" and maybe - maybe - "A place to sit that isn't covered with shards of lemon-soaked glass."