Fickle Fantasy Football Fates. Figures.

Yeah, that went about as well as I expected.

Won one; lost three. What did I tell you about the fantasy football fates? That's right: they're fickle. And you want a little piece of advice? When you go head-to-head with your wife in fantasy football? Lose. Lose in a hurry... unless you like losing 75% of your games, that is.

At least I won in the office Yahoo league.


*1. San Diego Zoo 11-0-0
*2. The Dirty Jedi's 10-1-0
*3. Tropical Depressions 9-2-0
*4. Chuck A Ducks 9-2-0
5. Go Frenchy!! 8-3-0
6. HaikuNaziKillers 8-3-0
7. AllStar Chuck Norris 7-4-0
8. Anal Tongue Darts 6-5-0
9. The Greasy Pablos 5-6-0
10. Crabtree'sCrabapples 5-6-0
11. Hot Pipin Carl 5-6-0
12. Ninerjunky08 5-6-0
13. MB Blitz 5-6-0
14. DEM HOODSTARZ 4-7-0
15. mmmmmm..beer 4-7-0
16. san jose 49ers 4-7-0
17. I Miss Baseball 3-8-0
18. Jumers Junkies 2-9-0
19. Blitzburgh 0-11-0
20. Pig Skins & Beer 0-11-0

The other bit of good news here is that I clinched a playoff berth. I don't think that's ever happened before. Kinda' cool. I should also take this opportunity to explain the "no haiku" rule in the Yahoo league. See, I started submitting haiku to the league message board 'round about week two. Turns out there's only one other fan of haiku in the league (that'd be Robert, he of the "HaikuNaziKillers"), but nevertheless we've been posting haiku for weeks now, despite the slings and arrows we've suffered. I don't know if the others in the league are insecure in their masculinity, or too stupid to figure out the 5-7-5 rule, but what I do know is they're a buncha' haiku hating babies... which eventually lead to the commissioner's "no haiku" rule. More than a rule, he made it plain that anyone submitting haiku risked season-ending injury to their quarterback. I laughed. I pooh-poohed... until Sunday.

Did I mention I lost in the "everyone" league?

Wealth & Beauty

East Division
Team W L T
Minny's Meanies 6 5 0 0
Potato 6 5 0
Arsenal 5 6 0
Carl 3 8 0 0

Central Division
Team W L T
The Mighty Bosh 10 1 0
CBS Sportsline.com sucks 6 5 0
Nadia's Team 5 6 0
Candy Cave Dwellers 3 8 0

West Division
Team W L T
cannon ball 10 1 0
Omegahedrons 5 6 0
The Punctuation 4 7 0
Charlatans EC 3 8 0

Did I mention my quarterback got one measley point? Did I mention his name? Donovan McNabb. Donovan -"Torn ACL, out for the year"- McNabb. I'd write a haiku about it if I wasn't so busy scrambling for another quarterback. If there's a silver lining it's that I'm still in second place in the division... but my point total sucks, so the playoffs are likely out of reach. Dammit.

The solo league? Lost.

Slobber Knockers 2

Central Division
Team W L T
Cowboys from Hell 6 5 0
Mos Eisley Marauders 4 7 0
Steel Curtain 4 7 0
Florida Dolphins 1 10 0

East Division
Team W L T
Ash Kickers 8 3 0
Second Stringers 8 3 0
James Gang 7 3 1
Fightin' Squid 6 5 0

West Division
Team W L T
from bittercreek 7 4 0
packers 6 5 0
Denton County Saints 5 6 0
TPDG 3 7 1

I didn't lose a quarterback here... but I did lose a wide receiver for the day. Dammit. same story; stayed in second. At least I have a shot at the playoffs here, one way or another... he said humbly to the fantasy football fates.

Finally, in my league with Nancy. The league I scratched out the win over Nancy just last week?Yup. Lost. I'm told it serves me right. You make the call.

Idiots Legue

Central Division
Team W L T
Pigs 7 3 1
Customs Cavity Searchers 6 5 0
Viagracide 5 6 0
Mighty Hamsters 4 7 0

East Division
Team W L T
Blue Meanies 8 3 0
The Steamrollers 5 6 0
NJ MAaTHiyAZ 5 6 0
goldminers 3 7 1

West Division
Team W L T
WARLORDS 7 4 0
FesturingTaserWound 7 4 0
Mrs. The Lunatic 4 7 0
San Diego THUNDER 4 7 0

Still #1. That's cool. I did the math though, and if I do nothing but lose, and one or the other of the two teams closest to me in my division does nothing but win, I'll likely miss the playoffs. I'd be the Indianapolis Colts of the league. I'm hoping for better than that. Hoping, mind you, despite that Donovan McNabb was my quarterback here too... dammit.

Ironically, his name is five syllables long.