In case you missed it, here's the entire Larry King interview with Paris Hilton. It's pretty hilarious how seriously she takes herself, and really, not at all surprising. If you've got 40 minutes to kill I totally recommend watching it. Although you'll definitely want to kill yourself afterwards, so watch out for that.
Apple Announces Newton SubsidiaryNew Company to Focus on Computing & Communications
For Mobile Users
CUPERTINO, Calif.--May 22, 1997--
Apple Computer, Inc.
today announced the formation of a subsidiary that will
focus on meeting the computing and communications needs of
today's corporate mobile users. The new company, to be
named at a later date, will provide customers with
market-driven products and technologies, based on the
award-winning Newton operating system, in conjunction
with its licensees, value-added resellers,
and systems integrators.
"Over the past year, we have seen the Newton Systems Group
launch compelling products based on the Newton operating
system," said Dr. Gilbert F. Amelio, Chairman and CEO of
Apple Computer, Inc. "We believe that the time is right to
establish the group as a focused entity. This decision
allows the new subsidiary to pursue its business
and create the marketing and operating strategies
it needs to succeed."
The new company will be led by a CEO to be named and
newly appointed Chief Operating Officer Sandy Benett.
Benett was previously vice president of the
Newton Systems Group and has been responsible for
managing the group for the past few years. A search is
currently underway to find an experienced CEO to lead
the organization and complement the existing management team.
The new company will focus on developing products as well as
licensable technologies targeted at meeting the needs of
mobile users in corporate markets--initially concentrating
on healthcare, sales force automation, and field service
industries. The new company will provide platform
technologies, including the Newton operating system,
development tools, APIs, and documentation to enable the
development of products for such markets.
"We have a solid business plan and a strong management team
in place to optimize the value of Newton technology for
corporate users and take Newton technology into a new era,"
said Benett.
Products built on the Newton operating system include the
MessagePad 2000 handheld computer and the eMate 300
mobile computer for the education market.
The new company will continue to support, sell, and market
the current MessagePad 2000 in the retail channel.
The Company will also build on the success of prior
MessagePad products by continuing to deliver the
MessagePad 2000 and follow-on products to corporate markets.
It will be strengthening the organization to fully support
this sector.
The new company will serve the education market through
Apple. Apple Computer, Inc. will continue to support, sell,
and market the eMate family of portable computer products
into the education community based on technology delivered
by the new company.
"eMate 300 is part of Apple's long-term strategy and vision
for education technology, " said Mike Lorion, vice president
of Apple's Education Division. "We will continue to
aggressively market and support the product. We are looking
forward to working closely with the Newton team on future
versions of the eMate to continue to meet the unique
requirements of educators and students."
Current Newton licensees include Schlumberger, Sharp,
Digital Ocean, and Harris Corporation. Technology allies
include ARM Limited, Digital Equipment Corporation,
Paragraph International, and Cirrus Logic.
Apple expects the transition to be completed by June 30,
1997. The organization will remain based in Northern
California.
Apple Computer, Inc., a recognized innovator in the
information industry and leader in multimedia technologies,
creates powerful solutions based on easy-to-use personal
computers, servers, peripherals, software, handheld computers
and Internet content. Headquartered in Cupertino, California,
Apple develops, manufactures, licenses and markets solutions,
products, technologies and services for business, education,
consumer, entertainment, scientific and engineering and
government customers in more than 140 countries.
The Air Guitar Pro is a guitar designed for air guitarists that actually plays music. You hold the chord buttons on the fretboard and then strum the air. Infrared sensors in the neck detect the hand motions and it plays the note. If you're not into playing your own music it also comes with preloaded tracks. The final product will ship in July but importer HimeyaShop is taking pre-orders now for about $27.
As rad as it is, it does seem like actually playing music kind of defeats the purpose of an air guitar. It's like having an imaginary friend who's also a real person.
Paris Hilton was released from prison yesterday, just after midnight. Don't believe me? Ask these guys. Or these guys. Or that deaf, dumb, blind guy at the pinball machine. She served 23 days in jail and lost nearly 10 pounds during her stay.
And in other news, I found an old cake sitting on the sidewalk. Free dessert!
This guy could totally fit at least three more locks on there. Unless, you know, he's okay not having the most secure bicycle ever. Oh, and he should maybe think about gluing a shark to the seat.
25 years ago today, Blade Runner opened to mostly-empty theaters. I saw it the week it came out, mostly because I'd seen Ridley Scott's Alien, and because Cameron told me there was a naked girl in it. I didn't get the film then, but it left a lasting impression... and no, not just because of the scene Cameron told me to keep an eye out for.
I just watched it again (for the, ohhhh, bajillionth time) and the film’s nuance is so clear to me now that I can’t believe it ever eluded me to begin with. More than Cronenewth’s breathtaking photography or
Is that a downer? Can a 16-year old kid in the back of the Cinedome really get that message on a Saturday afternoon? I don't know for sure, but at 40 years old I can tell you this:
Blade Runner might best be seen as a call for self-empowerment, self-awareness, and self-appreciation. We can share many, many elements of our lives with others, but, in the end, each of us experiences uniquely, appreciates uniquely, and sees through unique eyes.
Blade Runner says that what we carry with us…and who we are inside…is more valuable than any of the trappings by which we define ourselves on a daily basis. Like nearly every character in the film, perhaps the greatest challenge most of us will ever face is a deceptively simple one: make every moment count.
Britney Spears was spotted at Petco recently buying herself a new pet parakeet. Which is a great idea, because if Britney Spears needs anything, it's more responsibility in her life. According to an imaginary witness I made up, Britney was spotted leaving Petco rubbing her hands together and saying, "This is going to be delicious!" (Didn't Britney used to have kids? I'm pretty sure they're in a cage somewhere, waving a sippy cup back and forth along the bars and singing the blues.)
Don't you get it, hon? God's going to murder all the sinners he created. The lord hates sinners! Or maybe he loves murdering. Anyway, bottom line, we need a boat to survive the drowning of humanity. Isn't life funny sometimes?
Paris Hilton has been responding to fan mail to keep busy in prison and E! obtained a copy of one of her letters. Paris scribbles:"I read your letter and just wanted to thank you for your kind words of love and support. The fact that you took time out of your day to write me truly means the world. Especially at such a difficult and scary time in my life. But I am being strong and trying to make the best out of the situation. And the letters I'm receiving really do put a smile on my face as I sit here in my cell, sad and alone. Again, thank you so much and may God bless you and your family.
Love always, Paris Hilton."
It's nice that she's responding to all her "fan" mail, but is that seriously how she signs her name? She's like a five year old. I keep expecting to see a drawing of a unicorn in the margin. If you asked a bunch of third graders to write the exact same message, Paris' version would be the second worst. And only because one of the kids took a dump on his paper instead of using a pencil. And even then it was a tough call.
NOTE: You know she concentrated so hard on this letter, brow furrowed, tongue hanging out the side of her mouth, trying so hard to make each line neat and straight, and yet she still somehow managed to misspell 'receiving.'
That being typed... come on... he rules, right?
If you don't want to fake sick to stay home and watch it at 11am like you usually do, CBS will re-air the episode at 8pm, most likely with fewer ads for life insurance and diabetes. At least that'll give you time to lay bets online on the day's rousing round of Plinko.
Though it's sad to see Bob leave after these 35 long years, the day will be celebrated nationally with a free spaying/neutering of your pet! No, really! Tell your vet I said so! What, does he hate animals or something? Jerk.
Representative Diane Watson (D-California) has introduced a bill that would provide funding to screen Hollywood classics in U.S. Embassies and Consulates worldwide, in the hopes that the flicks will convince people that the American way of life is not evil.
"My legislation is designed to stock libraries of U.S. embassies and consulates with films that promote the American way of life and then loosen current restrictions so that the public can have greater access," Watson said. "Many of us have forgotten that we didn't win the Cold War just because our military and economy were superior, but also because the Warsaw Pact countries bought into our ideals and beliefs in democracy, human rights, the rule of law and the free flow of information."
Hey, it worked in North Korea, right? Oh wait....
Don Herbert, the former children's TV science host better known as "Mr. Wizard" died yesterday after a long battle with an evil, more powerful wizard. Just kidding! As usual, it was disease that beat science once again. It's really a sad loss for the kid's science television show community, which will now have to hand over leadership to the slightly more obnoxious Bill Nye or the vastly more obnoxious Beakman. Either way, science will never be the same.
This USB stick comes in either 14 or 18 carat gold and is available with diamonds for $3,500 or without diamonds for a mere $2,800. The catalog doesn't even list the storage capacity because, well, who cares about that crap. The only goal when you buy something like this is to show off how rich you are. Personally, I just tape a bunch of cash to my USB stick. $100 bills, baby. That's how I roll.
I don't know if you've seen many of the nearly-ubiquitous "Lolcats", but trust me when I tell you they're about as annoying as a broken bag of soggy potato chips. Imagine Prince was swallowed by a really chatty 5-year old... then throw in a kitten for good measure.
But, to the point: does Tony get whacked?
Reporters say she was crying through the entire process and, when Judge Michael Sauer gave his decision, she let out a huge cry and said, "This isn't right!" She was then physically dragged out of the courtroom by a female deputy, in tears, screaming, "Mom! Mom! Mom!"
Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head, and tiny yellow birdies tied brightly-colored bows in my hair while they chirped merrily in my ears.
UPDATE: TMZ just posted the judge's court order to bring Paris back to court. Take a look.
TMZ reports Paris Hilton was released from jail early this morning after serving less than five days of her already reduced 23 day sentence (her original sentence was 45 days). She's been fitted with an ankle bracelet and put under house arrest for the next 40 days. She was apparently released from jail due to medical reasons, although the LA County Sheriff's department has refused to release details about the "medical issue" due to confidentiality. After the 40 days are up, the LA County Sheriff's department says she will have "fulfilled her debt to society.""Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day
before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff
that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk. The reason for
releasing her had nothing to do with a rash or other physical issues. It was
purely in her head."
Remember that video clip of Paris Hilton trying not to cry as Sarah Silverman made fun of her at the MTV Movie Awards? Well Paris was overheard backstage saying:
"She's a fucking bitch. I hate her."
Oh, my ears! My poor, poor innocent ears! Who knew our li'l Paris was capable of such petty anger? Not me. No sir! I once saw a man kill her parents, feed their bloody stumps to a mangy puppy, kill that and then make fun of the way Paris was dressed. And you know what she did? Do you know what Paris did? She bought him a Yoo-Hoo. Because that's just the kind of girl she is. A heart so warm it makes rainbows cry.
While her daughter Lindsay Lohan is off in rehab, mother of the year, Dina Lohan, is in talks with E! to get her own reality show called Mom-ager in which she'll "try to turn her youngest children, Ali, 14, and Cody, 11, into stars." An insider tells Page Six:"Can you believe that? She totally messed up Lindsay by making her a 'star' and living vicariously through her - and now she's going to do the same to the other two? How the [bleep] can E! do this? Those kids should be in school having normal lives, the life that Lindsay didn't get to have."
Well this is just a really really great idea. I mean, sliced bread? That was pretty good, but this makes that look like cow poo. Look how great Lindsay Lohan turned out. Why do other mothers even try? They should just give up now and let Dina Lohan raise their children. Or, you know, a wild badger. They'd probably turn out the same.
The saddest part? I totally woulda' bet on that horse.
Nathan Sawaya is an artist who creates pretty amazing sculptures out of LEGO bricks. And they're not just recreations of objects, like a car or a building, but actual sculptures. Although none of them compare to my LEGO masterpiece: a giant rectangle. Check out a gallery of Nathan Sawaya's work here.
They got the car right!
Words, they fail me.
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