Johnny? Be Good.

How the "Never-all-that-mighty-but-briefly-ubiquitous" have fallen. Or at least slouched.

John Travolta is getting senile in his old age and says he's as big a star as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe, but didn't die like them because of his values and religion. He says:

"I have fame on the level of a Marilyn Monroe or an Elvis, but part of the reason I didn't go the way they did was because of my beliefs. People make judgments about it [Scientology], but often they don't know what they're talking about. I would advise anyone who wants to know about it to read up on it. We [the Church of Scientology] are only getting bigger and we help people all over the world, from disaster zones to drug rehabilitation. We were having a problem in Germany [where some critics called Scientology a money-making entity rather than a religion]. I talked to [former president Bill] Clinton who talked to Chancellor Kohl and things have improved since then."

John Travolta believing in anything is the exact reason why I don't. On my list of most horrifying things, becoming John Travolta is number one. I wear a bracelet that reads WWJTD, and whenever I'm about to do something I think, "Would John Travolta do this?" And if he would, I do the exact opposite. Which works well for things like believing in Scientology, but I haven't had a cup of water in over eight years. I think it's worth it.