God I hate Sarah Jessica Parker.
Joss Stone got Sarah's Gap gig. I'm sure Sarah's fan is beside himself, and whining about how she's "uncommonly beautiful" and crap. Well Scooter? You know what? She's not "uncommonly beautiful..." she's friggin' Margaret Hamilton with bleached skin and capped teeth. She doesn't care about you, Scooter, just like she doesn't return Jamie Gertz's calls, and pretends she wasn't that "Girl who isn't Lori Singer" in Footloose. She's horrible, Scooter... ask Matthew Broderick... man... he should have stuck with Mia Sara... idiot.
But don't take my word for it, here's what her people had to say just after The Gap dropped her as their spokespersonanongratis:
"Joss is not only a teenager, she's also a virtual unknown. Had her replacement been a big star, perhaps Sarah wouldn't have minded so much."
Now, I'm not entirely sure who Joss Stone is, but I am sure that even if Stone were, say, a quadruple-amputee tree sloth, who had a habit of spinning in frantic circles on my sunburned head while grunting out the theme to McCloud and dribbling gummed-up peanut butter Ritz Bits flotsam down on my face from between the gaps in her giant, brown, tree sloth teeth she would still be way less annoying than that sanctimonious, stuck-up Sarah Jessica Parker.
Man alive... of all the issues to get riled up about today, this is the one I find blog-worthy?
Just don't get me started on Basil Hoffman....
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