Suri With The (Lunatic) Fringe On Top

You know, it's been three months since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' gave birth to Suri and she still hasn't been seen, even by their closest friends. A source tells Us Weekly that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to even show her to fellow Scientologists John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley! Even their good friends Will and Jada Pinkett Smith haven't met her, despite repeated calls to Cruise.

“Every time, it’s a different excuse: He’s busy or Kate’s not feeling well,” says a source. ‘[The Smiths] think it’s so weird.”

I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why society as a whole still believes this baby exists, but it's becoming more and more evident we've all been the victim of a huge scam. The purpose of which has yet to be determined, but I figure it's all leading up to Tom Cruise appearing on a late night infomercial and telling me how I can make big bucks from home. And all he needs is my credit card number!