End Program.

Watch your futures end….

So, we saw the last installment of Star Trek for the foreseeable future… you’d think I’d be more depressed. I guess I should thank the producers of Enterprise for giving us such a shitty send-off. At this point, I also guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

First of all, didn’t it seem that this episode wasn’t intended to be the series finale? I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was a “save our show” season-ender stunt that the producers went back to and tinkered with in a desperate attempt to add some kind of emotional resonance. To wit: why did Trip have to die?

You could lift out the scenes of Trip’s “heroic” death, and nothing would change in the episode’s plot or message… whatever that was. No one ever really mourned his loss; no one learned anything from his sacrifice. No one explained what the hell that little manic episode he had in the corridor was all about either. Dude just lost it when the ship was boarded… wuss. I admit I haven’t seen many episodes of Enterprise, but I know enough to know this: Trip was a favorite character, and he deserved much better than a cheap, pandering death scene.

And while we're discussing it, wouldn't it have been a better death scene if T'Pol had been there? Her abscence just proved that all the producers ever wanted her character to do was to strip down and grease up in the decontamination chamber.

Oh, and what the hell? They build up to Archer's historic speech for an hour... and then we don't get to hear it?

And this isn't "These are the voyages..."-specfic, but it has to be said: that Enterprise theme song sucks hard. I swear to God: you change that theme song? You've got seven seasons easy.

Okay... I did like the little montage at the end... the Captains proudly-uttering the Star Trek credo while generations of Enterprise flew majestically across the screen. I'll give 'em that. But two points against it:
1. It was clearly tacked-on at the last minute, and meant to evoke the ending of Star Trek VI.
2. The Enterprise-D model was "built" by the dreaded Gabe of Trekkies. Hate that kid.

And, yeah, I liked the little bit of foreshadowing when Riker commented that the Enterprise-D's brig was bigger than Archer's cabin. Good news Bill, since you're gonna' be spending a lot of time there soon....

I also have to say I didn’t have a problem with the whole Next Generation tie-in… of course, the producers were counting on that. They knew that even if the fans complained that Enterprise was being disrespected, they’d be thrilled to see those pastel corridors of the Enterprise-D again… and I was. I did, however, have a problem with the conceit: what in the Great Bird of the Galaxy’s name was Riker doing on the holodeck in the first place?

Now before you get your Underoos in a bunch, lemme tell you, I know the Riker/Troi scenes took place during the events of “The Pegasus” (Season 7; episode 12 of ST:TNG), alright? But am I the only one who actually remembers that episode? Evidently… or at least I’m the only one who might have bothered to watch it before writing a tie-in for national television.

Here’s a recap:

Picard and Riker are joined by Admiral Pressman, who was Riker's first commanding officer, for a secret assignment. Riker is shocked to hear that debris from their ship, the U.S.S. Pegasus, which was lost with most of its crew 12 years ago, has been located in an asteroid, in the Devolin system by the Romulans. Pressman explains that the Federation must find it first to prevent sensitive technologies (what the less-educated might call a "cloaking device") from falling into the wrong hands.

The search begins, and the U.S.S. Enterprise is soon confronted by a Romulan warbird that is obviously on a similar mission. Later, Riker and Pressman discuss what happened to the Pegasus, and Riker is clearly disturbed when Pressman reveals that he wants to find the ship in order to try the secret experiment that caused the disaster 12 years earlier. He tells Riker that the Chief of Starfleet Security is behind the mission, and orders Riker to keep the mission's true nature secret from Picard.

Later, Riker meets with Picard, who has learned, with some difficulty, that there was a mutiny aboard the Pegasus just prior to its disappearance. He suspects a Starfleet cover-up, and asks Riker for his version of the story. Riker tells him that the crew mutinied because they felt Pressman was jeopardizing the ship, and that he supported his captain out of duty. But when Picard presses Riker for more information, he refuses to comply. Soon afterward, the Enterprise arrives back at the asteroid, and Pressman orders Picard to take the ship inside the fissure. Picard objects to the risky procedure, but the admiral outranks him, so Picard is forced to carry out the orders.

Blahblahblah… they get inside; they get out… they reveal the cloaked ship to the Romulans. Afterwards, Picard places Pressman under arrest for violating Federation law, and when Riker reminds him that he, too, is guilty, Picard grimly arrests his first officer as well.

Now, if you didn’t remember "The Pegasus," it’d have been impossible for you to understand what Riker was up to. Sure, he explained briefly to Troi (which completely contradicted the premise of “The Pegasus:” that he carried this secret alone for years ‘till he reluctantly told Picard), but out of context, Riker just sounded whiney. We’ve seen him deal with much worse crises without looking to imaginary friends for advice. And where did he find the time to do that, anyway? As I recall, he was pretty busy lying to Picard and arguing with the Admiral… how’d he find the time to pussyfoot around in the holodeck with Troi?

My theory? The caretakers of Star Trek are really pissed at Ronald D. Moore. He did a great job on Star Trek… right up to the day he left to helm Battlestar Galactica. He actually wrote “The Pegasus,” and I think this was a chance not only for Brannon & Berman to cash-in on the glory days of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but to spit on Ronald’s work. B & B effectively neutered Riker here… which I guess is a metaphor for what they've done to the franchise as a whole.

It’s a weird time to be an aging sci-fi geek. To paraphrase a certain dark Lord: “This will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of Star Trek; it will soon see the end of Star Wars.”

My two most beloved franchises are ending -unbelievably- at the very same time. I always kinda’ thought that Star Trek would just be there in some form or another… nothing seemed capable of killing it, no matter how bad it got. So while I knew the Star Wars saga was reaching an end, I was certain that there’d still be some sort of ethnically-balanced crew flying around in some sort of low-budget CGI spaceship spreading allegory and finding God (and discovering that he’s a child, or a machine, or both) and never, ever interfering with anyone’s society unless it suited them. But, alas, that was not to be… sometimes… too often… our dreams just don’t come true, do they? Sometimes there’s nothing we can do… and again we have to wonder: who mourns for Adonais?

So, like I said, I guess I have to thank the Enterprise producers for pissing all over the show, and the franchise. Under normal circumstances, I don’t think I could handle losing both Star Trek and Star Wars in the very same month….

Instead? Instead, well it is the end of the world as I know it… and so far? I feel fine.

Ask me again next weekend though….