That Monkey? Not So Funky.

You know me, and you know that if there's one thing I hate in the world it's robots. And that hate is only trumped by my my hatred of cute little monkeys caged in laboratories controlling robots with their brains.

So yeah, a bunch of scientists who deserve to have their diplomas and lab jackets revoked have taught some monkeys to feed themselves using only their brains to operate robotic arms. Because this is supposed to help us in one way or another. Fools.

"The animals were able to feed themselves using prosthetic arms, which
were controlled by brain activity. Small probes, the width of a human hair, were
inserted into the monkeys' primary motor cortex - the region of the brain that
controls movement.

"'The more we understand about the brain, the better we'll be able
to treat a wide range of brain disorders, everything from Parkinson's disease
and paralysis to, eventually, Alzheimer's disease and perhaps even mental
illness.' "

I call shenanigans on this. These scientists don't give two flying monkey shits about curing disease. The sick bastards are building a primate-controlled robot army to kill us all. Now let's go smash up their lab and free those poor little monkeys. Who's with me? Come on, it'll be fun. We'll get drunk on the ride back and make the monkeys drive.