Whipped

So I saw Speed Racer and Indiana Jones and No Surprises Whatsoever this weekend. Suffice to say, Speed Racer was better... and if you don't believe me, just ask any of the couple dozen ittybitty Asian kids who sat all around me. And by "sat" I mean "hopped up and down on their seats, sucking down Cokes through Twizzler straws."

If you're keeping score this summer, here's how the weekend's box office shaped up:

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - A dutiful sense of responsibility combined with the subconscious desire to kill your idols brought Indiana Jones to $126 million, nestling it at #2, between Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and X-Men: The Last Stand, on the chart of Horribly Disappointing Memorial Day Weekend Sequels.

2. The Chronciles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The substantial drop to $28.6 million is widely thought to be related to Prince Caspian's running theme of not being Indiana Jones.

3. Iron Man - $25.7 million, which is still a ton when you consider that this is its fourth week, and that the film frequently digresses into quoting Swingers.

4. What Happens in Vegas... - $11.1 million, making it the most profitable marketing slogan-based movie since Where's the Beef? 2.

5. Speed Racer - $5.2 million, which isn't that bad if you disregard that it cost $120 million to cover Earth in a pupil-wrecking CGI lacquer.