Half-Baked

So those crazy fonadanters on the Food Network's Ace of Cakes recently made a Star Trek cake and posted pictures of it on Trekmovie.com. But some Trekkies* weren't happy with the result:

6. sean - May 25, 2008

THIS IS A DISASTER I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY PUT SCOTTY IN THE NAVIGATOR'S POSITION I CAN'T BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE ARE SO CLUELESS ABOUT THE BASICS OF STAR TREK THIS IS A DISASTER

12. Sean - May 25, 2008

lol #6 has a point. Scotty and Uhura are not in the right spots and Chekov is nowhere to be found. Even before Chekov came onto the show Scotty didn't sit there.

18. Navigator NCC 2120 USS Entente - May 25, 2008

Actually Sean, Scotty DID sit at the Navigator's Station on the bridge at the end of the second pilot "Where No Man Has Gone Before" because Navigator Gary Mitchel was dead. There is a picture of it at http://www.trekcore.com. I tried to post the link to the picture but it did not work.

Finally, the voice of reason stepped in:

38. Gary Seven of Nine - May 26, 2008
Sean:
"Have you ever kissed a girl??!?!?!?!?!"
It's an F-in cake. Turn-off your caps lock and and stop making trekkers look like such OCD losers.

Good burn with your lightsaber there, Gary Seven of Nine. Oh shit, lightsabers are from Star Wars and not Star Trek aren't they? How embarrassing. Seriously though, I've always loved Star Trek -- especially the spaceship, Discovery One.**

*I know, I know... "Trekkers." jesus, just stop already.

**Riiiight, that's the ship from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Proud of yourself? Go outside.

Hedley No More

Harvey Korman died today at 81, and I'm just not happy about it... which makes sense when you know how much I dug Harvey... yet is still hard to reconcile since until today "happy" and "Harvey" have been synonymous in my life.

I remember watching The Carol Burnett Show with my parents, and I'd wait and wait for any Tim Conway/Harvey Korman sketch if just to bask in how much they enjoyed trying to crack each other up. They never failed to fall apart, which never failed to make me a teary-eyed, fitfully-shaking lump of giggling boy every Sunday night. Harvey made me look forward to Sunday nights. That's real power, my friends.

The best thing about Blazing Saddles? Not the played-out campfire scene. Not even Madeline Kahn's musical number. Two words: Hedley Lamarr.

Oh, and if you havn't seen Harvey's, um... "transformation" into a werewolf in the sadly underrated High Anxiety then I just don't know why you're still sitting here. Get out and rent the film! Watch it... watch Harvey... and simply enjoy how much he clearly enjoyed making us laugh.

You'll be missed, Harvey... you'll be missed.

Arachnophilia!

Catch It!

Whipped

So I saw Speed Racer and Indiana Jones and No Surprises Whatsoever this weekend. Suffice to say, Speed Racer was better... and if you don't believe me, just ask any of the couple dozen ittybitty Asian kids who sat all around me. And by "sat" I mean "hopped up and down on their seats, sucking down Cokes through Twizzler straws."

If you're keeping score this summer, here's how the weekend's box office shaped up:

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - A dutiful sense of responsibility combined with the subconscious desire to kill your idols brought Indiana Jones to $126 million, nestling it at #2, between Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and X-Men: The Last Stand, on the chart of Horribly Disappointing Memorial Day Weekend Sequels.

2. The Chronciles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The substantial drop to $28.6 million is widely thought to be related to Prince Caspian's running theme of not being Indiana Jones.

3. Iron Man - $25.7 million, which is still a ton when you consider that this is its fourth week, and that the film frequently digresses into quoting Swingers.

4. What Happens in Vegas... - $11.1 million, making it the most profitable marketing slogan-based movie since Where's the Beef? 2.

5. Speed Racer - $5.2 million, which isn't that bad if you disregard that it cost $120 million to cover Earth in a pupil-wrecking CGI lacquer.

Somebody Get The Music Out Of Him!

Behold the car stereo salesman at Best Buy doing his best to pawn a new car stereo off on some hapless girls:



Okay, so there's no real sale going on. The girls just start dancing to some song on one of the radios, and dude decides to show them what he's made of (spoiler: he's made entirely out of boogie fever).

Flame On!

I didn't think anything could be cooler than that 6-foot tall, bright orange safety flag my dad bolted to my 10-speed, but then I caught sight of this!

What could possibly be cooler than shooting flames out the exhaust of your car? Well now, thanks to the Autoloc Flame Thrower you can toast the hell out of tailgaters like you know you've always wanted.

The $125 kit clips on to your exhaust pipe and ignites any unburnt fuel from the engine. Unfortunately, it only works on vehicles with carburetors, so if you want to use it on a fuel-injected model you're gonna have to run an extra gas line to your tailpipe. Heck, with today's rock-bottom gas prices, you'd be stupid to NOT jump on the flame-throwing exhaust bandwagon!

Dress Up; Dressed Down

I'm sure there's some practical reason for this site.


It isn't just kid-tested, almost-porn for the puberty-stricken... right?

Indy 500?

The weekend's hardly over, but the writing's on the wall: Indy -sigh- 4 won at the box office. Almost as not surprising, recently renowned trilogy-diluter George Lucas mentioned plans to see if he can stretch the straining whip of Indiana Jones just a little bit further. Straight from the mouth of the bearded tube protruding from flannel:

"I haven't even told Steven [Spielberg] or Harrison this, but I have an idea to make Shia [LaBeouf] the lead character next time and have Harrison come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out."

You "can see it working out," eh? What gives you that impression? The tepid reception Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is getting? The fact that having a non-Indiana Jones lead in an Indiana Jones movie would remove the single expectation fans foolishly assumed you could consistently meet? The gust you felt across your beard as Earth sighed? I'm going to let this go for now, and hope this is Lucas's idea of a joke. Unfortunately, having seen all the Star Wars films, I know it's impossible that he could be that funny. Zing!

Pork & (Has) Beens

Weezer's "Pork and Beans" music video is freaking awesome. Awesome! It's got a bunch of Youtube stars in it who they got together to shoot the video. Just watch it. Like right now, at work.

Three Chords... And The Truth

Where Everyone Has Gone Before

I'm A Doctor, Not A Blooper!

Get Out Of My Dreams And Into My Car

Oh, look: Britney Spears seems to have started a new tradition! Whenever her latest cameo in How I Met Your Mother airs, Britney goes out and rear-ends random people with her Mercedes. Good for her! Of course, some might say Britney is actually honoring an even older tradition: Anytime she gets behind the wheel - SHE AIMS TO KILL! TMZ reports:

"Brit hit a red Ford Explorer, driven by a lady. No injuries, as far as we
know -- Britney didn't even get out of the car. Her bodyguard got out and talked
to the other woman.The red Explorer Brit hit is now following her back to
Britney's home.Britney was stopped at a light and, for some reason, accelerated
when the light was still red, hitting the Explorer stopped in front of her,
causing minor damage."

Let's stop beating around the bush, and just give Britney a bumper car to drive on the freeway. That way people can see the little pole zipping at them and take evasive action. Like diving out the sun roof or using their kid as an airbag. You know, safety stuff.

Scarlett Letter

Oh, I think an "F" about sums it up.

Go, Speed! Go Insane!

I Want To Believe

Save Ferris!

First of all, I'm not even sure why she reappeared... but for reasons beyond all understanding, she did. And here she is:

Sarah -gag- Jessica -blech- Parker attended the London premiere of Sex and the City: The Movie yesterday. It would appear that, earlier in the day, Sarah Jessica decided to pay somebody real money for the ten-foot tall vegetation jutting out of her head. Because there's nothing like showing up for the most relevant thing you've done in the past five years looking like Carmen Miranda's retarded step-sister... who's also a zombie.

Incense, Peppermint, Pimple Cream, Gummy Bears

"There's Nothing You Can Do"

"Leave it to the tone deaf GOP to find a way of attaching themselves to this election cycle's 'change' mandate that simultaneously reinforces the fact that their failed policies have messed up the world to such an inhuman extent that many Americans now live their daily lives in a state of free-floating panic and paralyzing anxiety." ~ The Huffington Post, 5/12/08

So according to today's New York Times' Caucus blog, House Republicans have got themselves a brand-new slogan: "The change you deserve."

What the GOP boneheads don't seem realize is that "the change you deserve" is the registered advertising slogan of Effexor XR, an antidepressant. An antidepressant that one has to assume is flying off the shelves these days.

The best part of this story? When the Food And Drug Administration reviewed the ad copy that included the tagline, "The change you deserve," it took issue with Wyeth Pharmaceuticals, which manufactures Effexor, saying that the company made "unsubstantiated superiority claims." Yeah... that doesn't sound like something the GOP would do....

Voodoo Economics

It's harder than it looks.

Stained; Crass.

This is an unbelievable Spider-Man-inspired tattoo that somebody got. It was made to look like the guy's skin is ripped open and look! He's really Spider-Man underneath!

It's cool and all... but me? I would have gone for the full-body suit myself, but that's because I'm what's known in the (call center customer service) biz as "a hardcore emmer effer" (I once told an elderly caller to "put that in your donut cushion and sit on it"). Just kidding, I tried to get a tattoo once, but passed out. It wasn't wetting my arm that got to me, it was the "press firmly for 30 seconds" part.

Wanna' see more? Click!

Go!

That's Who I Am

How To Sell Girl Scout Cookies

You Can Smell The Purple, Can't You?

Can't Hardly Waits

Dina? Sure....

Jumpin' jesus on a pogo stick... this news is legit.

Dina Lohan will be recognized as a "mother of the year" by an organization whose charter undoubtedly requires a commitment to smoking crack rocks the size of Buicks. TMZ reports:

"Mingling Moms, a social networking organization for mothers, is naming
LiLo's mommie dearest one of its Top 20 Long Island Mothers of Celebrities at a
ceremony on Tuesday."

It should be noted that Dina earned a spot after a woman who drowned her kids in a tub filled with gasoline and Wheat Thins couldn't attend. Dina did have to agree to sign over legal custody of her youngest child, Cody. To which Dina replied: "Who? Oh, right, 'Boy-Lindsay'. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Is that drink yours?"

There's Your Boyfriend!

And Now I'm Obsessed

Here There Be Monsters

Is there seriously a documentary about live-action role playing people? That's amazing. How has this not done before? Someone documents the strangeness of spelling bee kids but somehow no one has looked at the far more patent oddballs running around the woods with medieval weaponry. If Monster Camp captures any of the magic at all of the below clip, I can already tell you it's a success.

Also, is the guy on the left holding a doll or his submissive catgirl girlfriend? Either works; I'm just curious.

Just Before The Robot Uprising

Years -not so many- from now, when your grandkids ask you "Grampy? When did the robots take over?" you'll be able to look down at them, and with a shiver tell them the tale of the day you saw this video. Then remind them never, ever to leave the basement. They. Might. Hear!

It Figures