Starshipshape

I know there's a group that insists the best ways to illustrate motion are skirts blowing up and dog ears waving in the wind... but I think this is at least a close third.

Empty NES

Here's a question: want a NES Joystick Test Cartridge? Pfft, who doesn't, right? Well now you can have one, thanks to a $1,050 eBay auction. Best. Game. Ever!

"This is a Joystick Test Cartridge for the Nintendo Entertainment System. These carts were given to game stores to test their Nintendo Entertainment Systems and were suppose to be returned to the company that provided the carts. These are very hard to find since they were never sold on the market. Any NES Collector could appreciate the value of such an item. There is wear on the label as can be seen in the picture."

Here's a tip, eBayers: just because something is "very hard to find", doesn't mean it's worth $1,050. Just ask Dubya's dignity.

Mayer Of Simpleton

We're back safe and sound, but we have pals who are still enjoying a mysterious Cabo cruise. Now, what made me think of that?

Lookee! Here's John Mayer hosting a cruise on "The Mayercraft Carrier"!

Ummmmm, there really isn't much I can say that this pic isn't already communicating - so time for a nap! Thanks, John Mayer!

And We're Back

Fun Facts-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!

In the 1660s New York City's “skyline” was dominated by a two-story-high windmill.

When the Dutch still controlled the region, Wall Street was the city limit and there was actually a wall there.

Why are New York Yellow Cabs yellow? Because John Hertz, the company's founder, read a study that concluded yellow was the easiest color for the eye to spot.

The Verrazano-Narrows Bridge is so long, 4,260 feet to be exact, that the towers on either end were built a few inches out of parallel to accommodate for the curvature of the earth.

The Bayonne Bridge is almost identical to the world-famous Sydney Harbour Bridge, but it is actually two feet longer. Completed a few months beforehand, the Bayonne Bridge was the world's longest steel arch bridge. Rumor has it that the only reason for those two extra feet was to beat the Australians.

The Outerbridge Crossing, connecting Staten Island and New Jersey, is actually named in honor of Eugenius Harvey Outerbridge.

Manhattan's Chinatown is the largest Chinese enclave in the Western Hemisphere.

The vaults 80 feet beneath the Federal Reserve Bank on Wall Street store more than 25% of the world's gold bullion (and you thought it was all in Fort Knox!).

Cleopatra's Needle, a 3,000-year-old Egyptian ruin, can actually be found in New York's Central Park. In 1879 it was given to the city as a gift by the Khedive of Egypt. The 220-ton, 66-foot-high monument took a decade to be fully transported.

The Manhattan grid pattern produces an effect known as “Manhattanhenge” (like Stonehenge) as, on two days - around May 28th and around July 12th - sunset is directly aligned with the street grid pattern. This means the sun can be seen setting exactly over the centerline of every Manhattan street. A similar effect occurs during sunrise on two winter days, understandably less popular.

The Dutch traded New Amsterdam (a.k.a., New York City) to the British in the 1667 Treaty of Breda in exchange for Pulau Run, an obscure tiny Indonesian island once known for its nutmeg.
For decades, the title of “tallest building in the world” switched hands almost 10 times, all the while remaining in Manhattan, before settling on the Empire State Building, which retained the title for decades to come. It was finally overtaken by One World Trade Center in 1970.

The Fashion Institute of Technology in Manhattan is the only school in the world offering a Bachelor of Science Degree with a Major in Cosmetics and Fragrance Marketing.

Sam Schapiro began the Kosher wine industry on New York's Lower East side with their famous extra heavy original concord wine in 1899.

New York City has 722 miles of subway track.

The first daily Yiddish newspaper appeared in 1885 in New York City.

The "New York Post" established in 1803 by Alexander Hamilton is the oldest running newspaper in the United States.

The first capital of the United States was New York City. In 1789 George Washington took his oath as president on the balcony at Federal Hall.

In November for Boy Scouts and in March for Girl Scouts the annual Urban Camp-Outs are hosted at the Empire State Building.

The Catskills are the home of the legend of Rip Van Winkle, brown trout and flycasting.

The first presentation of 3D films before a paying audience took place at Manhattan's Astor Theater on June 10, 1915.

Gennaro Lombardi opened the first United States pizzeria in 1895 in New York City.

The first Boy's Club was established in New York City in 1876.

Joseph C. Gayetty of New York City invented toilet paper in 1857.

The first public brewery in America was established by Peter Minuit at the Market (Marckvelt) field in lower Manhattan.

"The Big Apple" is a term coined by musicians meaning to play the big time.

Do you want to know more?

In The New York Groove

Bunny Kong

Raaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrr! Click the pic! Or here!

The Only Show That Gives Away Free Meat!

It's That State Of Mind

You Know, They Named It Twice

Baaaaaaah? Not Humbug!

So... some guys strapped LED-covered vests on a bunch of sheep, and then had the dogs herd them in specific patterns to create ridiculous art on a hillside in Wales. They even play a game of Pong and recreate the Mona Lisa using different colored LEDs on sheep trapped in a pen. You just have to watch it to understand.



Or maybe there's no understanding it. Didn't mean to get your hopes up there, chief.

And So It Goes....

Boldly gone. So said we all. Tonight.

Crispin! No!

I Never Should Have Doubted You, Nic Cage!

Gather 'round, kids!

Apparently a watchmaker who was repairing President Lincoln's watch on the day gunfire broke out at Fort Sumter, SC (sparking the civil war, for those of you who don't get the History Channel), secretly immortalized the day by engraving a note inside Lincoln's pocketwatch.

"The engraving, by watchmaker Jonathan Dillon, is dated April 13, 1861,
and reads in part: "Fort Sumpter was attacked by the rebels" and "thank God we
have a government."

"Forty-five years later, Dillon the watchmaker told The New York Times
that he was repairing Lincoln's watch when he heard that the first shots of the
Civil War had been fired.

"Dillon said he unscrewed the dial of the watch and used a sharp
instrument to mark the historic day on the president's watch. He told the
newspaper that, as far as he knew, no one had ever seen the
inscription."

The National Museum of American History agreed to open the watch to see if the inscription was there after being contacted by Dillon's grandson. And lo and behold! There it was!

Apparently Lincoln never knew about it... I assume because he was too busy chopping down cherry trees. Wait? What? What do you mean, "That was Washington?" Carver? I thought he was the peanut guy. Isn't he busy building houses for Habitat for Humanity these days?

With A Deck of 51

There are three phrases I wish I could work into my daily conversation more often:

1) "Bob's your uncle!"
2) "That's Hitleriffic!"
3) "Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo."



PS: If you're looking for some lame St. Patrick's Day tie-in, well this is your lucky blog post!

Bob's your uncle!

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, WOW!

Okay, so for many years, a TV series commonly and simply referred to as JAPANESE SPIDER-MAN could chiefly be found on the interwebs for download, and in the dusty DVD rack in the back of your local comic book shop. You know, next to the animated porn.

Now Marvel is hosting subtitled, streaming feeds of JAPANESE SPIDER-MAN on its website!

These'll get you started:

No Room On The Short Bus

I ride a downtown shuttle every day. Twice. So, what's that? Twice a day.

This is a service I appreciate, of course. Thank you, county taxpayers! Huzzah!

So, yesterday afternoon, I was alone on the shuttle with four mentally-retarded adults. Okay, three mentally-retarded* adults, and one mentally-retarded teenager-bordering-on-adult**. Embrace the hyphens; buckle up, it's gonna' be a bumpy ride.

The group was completely silent when I boarded. You'd think that wouldn't make an impression, but I've grown so used to over-hearing strangers yammering on their cell phones that this utter silence was kinda' startling. The other thing worth mentioning? Though I came to learn they were together, there was no indication of that at first. They sat as far apart as the tiny shuttle allowed. No two shared a seat or even a row. I did manage to find my own seat, though. I sat down and stared at anything but them... pretty much standard commuting behavior.

The shuttle rounded the corner; passed the "Jeff Garcia Memorial Jack-in-the-Box", when the man (in a dirty Giants cap and wearing one glove) blurted out "He's in a coma, you know."

Woman: Who? Jack? You see him?
Man: You know I mean Jack. He's in a coma, you know. No, I don't... I can't... well, on TV.
Girl: Jack? Still?
Man: You know... yeah. Jack. Still?
Woman: You still mean Jack?
Girl: Still on TV?
Man: Well, yeah, he's -- hey, tacos!
Girl: Tacos? But Jack's--
Woman: I like jacks. Don't have any. Not now, anyway.
Girl: Jack's in a coma? But what about--
Man: That guy says he'll run things, but you know he can't do it, I mean--
Girl: The food?
Woman: The tacos are good, right?
Man: He can't--
Girl: Jack?
Man: No, Jack can, but he can't--
Woman: He? That's not nice, saying that about Jack. He's hurt.
Man: That man... he says Jack is dead, but he's not dead--
Girl: Well, he's talking...
Man: No, Jack--
Girl: The man is talking.
Driver: Excuse me...
Woman: Jack talks--tacos!
Man: No, tacos--Jack says--
Girl: The food is real good!
Woman: But Jack--
Man: I heard he was in a coma.
Driver: Was that your stop?

Now, here's the thing: I've spent a lot of hours in a lot of meetings, and for the life of me, I can't tell the difference between their discussion today on the shuttle, and most of our discussions in those conference rooms only slightly less cramped and unpleasant... but at least they were much less mobile.

And I'm not even sure our meetings were any more productive. At least I got the feeling on the shuttle that these four would be enjoying tacos before too long.

*Before you email me, it's a clinical term. Dust off your DSM and read for yourself.
**And I know that it's classified as "mental retardation" if the onset is before 18 years, and "dementia" if the onset is at 18+. Let's just assume a pre-18 diagnosis for the shuttle-load, shall we?

Twin Peaks

What'd the man say? "Fire walk with me."

Click. And learn... and be at least a little afraid.

Hamm It Up

"Lex Luthor Bailout" with Jon Hamm - watch more funny videos

Slow Down, Why Dontcha'?

I still haven't seen Watchmen... but now I've seen the opening credits!

The Watchmen opening credits sequence -notable for its innovative use of the same 3d-text-in-the-environment style as Fringe, Panic Room, the Pandorum trailer, and that one car commercial where the car keeps bumping into its reviews- is online at the Dave and Thomas blog. I have to say, the sequence does a great job setting up the film's basic premise of being set in a world of slow motion.

There's A Monster Near My Pants

What's a belt sword, you ask? The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt!

It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard... which science tells us may serve no useful purpose whatsoever.

The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Wanna' see it in action? Or, do you want to see a topless girl? Good news! Click here for both!

Oedipal Wrecks

Hey. Hey you. Weirdo. Getting a nice look at those pics on the interwebs of Britney Spears' concert in Atlanta from the other night? Good. So did her kids.

Because she has the parenting skills of a wounded wombat, Britney issued an official statement on her blog making it clear her children are watching her perform despite reports that Kevin -best dad ever!- Federline wanted them kept away from the shows:

"Contrary to rumors linked to false articles, Britney Spears' sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, will be joining her on the entire Circus tour and will be attending shows as planned. Britney's family is a huge inspiration and she loves having them on the road with her."

And that's how you turn your kids into serial killers. The End.

Fire Everything!

When Rockers Attack!

And All That Jazz

Knowing that I heart horror movies, someone just asked me what my "favorite" horror movie scenes are. I tried re-enacting them with finger puppets... but when my pinkies grew tired, I decided to resort to posting video. Another body blow to the fine arts.









(Oh, and yes, I consider Fargo a horror film. What? You weren't horrified when they were forced to get that clearcoat?)

This is What Happens....

So, this is the scene from The Big Lebowski when Walter is beating the hell out of "Larry's" car with a crowbar. Except it was edited for television, making it perfectly SFW... and so, perfectly not The Big Lebowski.



Do you see what happens, Larry? This is what happens, Larry!

PS: Stay out of the Alps, Larry. Seriously, man.

Shine All The Buttons On Your Red Shirt

What's that you say? Star Trek-inspired scents are beaming our way?


Created by Genki Wear, there will be three different scents to choose from:

Tiberius
The Tiberius cologne, named in honor of the Mirror Universe James T. Kirk's challenges users to "Boldly Go" with a perfume described as being spiked with "notes of freshness and sensuality.

Red Shirt
Genki's "Red Shirt" cologne (whose tag line "Because Tomorrow May Never Come" is priceless) celebrates the sacrifices of those often nameless crew of the USS Enterprise. Described appropriately as a cologne for those with a "devotion to living each day as it could be your last" the cologne has top notes of green mandarin, bergamot, and lavender, with base notes of leather and grey musk.

Pon Farr
The most risqué titled of the new Star Trek fragrances is "Ponn Farr" which is a perfume designed to "drive him wild." It should only be used once every seven years (okay, that isn't true). Named for the Vulcan mating ritual first introduced in the episode "Amok Time," this perfume is one of the newly designed products meant to appeal to female fans.

I'm not crazy about any of them. No, I think I'll be saving my fragrance dollar for Eau de KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Who's That Guy Who Swallowed K-Fed?

I know, everyone else wants to talk about Britney's Circus tour... but dammit! I can't ignore her big ex-lug!

Per an arrangement with Britney Spears, Kevin Federline is being paid an extra five grand a week to watch the kids and being provided with a free rental house in whatever town she's set up base while on tour. So how does TMZ report he spent yesterday? Gambling at Harrahs Casino.

Father of the year, folks.

Public Enemies, Private Parts

Subtle.
Why not just an arrow pointing at his crotch, with the caption "I'm with stupid"?

No Wonder You Wear Them At Night

Face it (see what I did there? Wheeee!): we all sit on our expensive sunglasses. Or lose them. Or sit on them, then lose them. Enter disposable tape sunglasses by designers Azumi & David! They come on a big roll like packing tape, and are perforated for easy detachment. You just rip off a pair, slap them on your face, and PRESTO, everybody feels bad for you.

The Rainbow Connection

This is the end of a rainbow as captured by Jason Erdkamp on his iPhone while traveling down Highway 241 in Orange County, California:

Are the leprechauns in the back of that SUV? By now they have to have designated a driver, don't you think? Drunken little bastards.