Let A Smile Be Your Umbrella

Remember when Britney attacked a car with an umbrella and scared the crap out of half of the paparazzi and all of the neighbors in Los Angeles in the process? Well, she's sorry.

What the hell is this? If it's a joke I don't get it. And if it's serious, well, then I weep for her DNA. I know she's trying to explain her bizarre behavior, but the only thing this letter makes clear is that Britney Spears would fail a third grade spelling exam.

But wait! There's more! She went on to post a similar message on her website!

You'd think her second time around she'd catch her spelling mistakes or at least make sense, but you'd be wrong. My god, would you be wrong. Is she actually proud of her letter? If I was her I'd be denying I even wrote it, not posting it again on my official website. How are her managers letting this shit slide through? If you walked into their office right now I'm sure you'd see a monkey in a suit, jumping up and down on a desk and waving a banana around, and screaming at a puppy while it tries to answer the phone.