The Customer Is Always Late

So not long ago, I went to lunch.

I go to lunch -if not "most" days, many days- like most worker bees. Usually later in the afternoon. Like between 2:00 and 3:00. It just works out that way.

It also works out that, during the summer, my local eatery options are unceremoniously shuttered at 3:00. It's not my place to debate their profound wisdom. Me? I go with the flow. I roll like that. Yo.

Anyway, this happened just recently. I'm not making it up. If I were, you'd know because in my recounting I'd be feeding a unicorn tulips with one hand while fighting off reptilian bounty hunters with a half-charged light saber in the other. No, this happened... and all I wanted was some soup. Truth be told, I didn't want soup. I was getting soup for someone less fortunate... or at least, less mobile.

Me: "Yeah, may I get some soup?"
Girl: "Soup?"
Me: "Yes, soup. I'd like some. Chicken noodle. It was out there earlier."
Girl: "Oh, soup. I broke the soup down."
Me: "Good for you. I want some. I'll wait."
Girl: "I broke it down."
Me: "When do you close?"
Girl: "3:00"
Me: "Isn't it just after 2:00 now?"
Girl: "Yes."
Me: "So you're still serving food, right?"
Girl: "Yes."
Me: "And soup is considered food, right?"
Girl: "Ye-es."
Me: "Is there still soup? I mean, was it all consumed? Is the soup gone?"
Girl: "Oh no; I just broke it down."
Me: "So there is soup here in the building I could have?"
Girl: "Yes... but I broke it down."
Me: "Good. I want some soup. I'll wait."

So she goes and gets the tub o' soup, and plops it down on a counter for me. The ladle had fallen into the soup. Luckily, she let me reach in and get it... I was afraid she'd use tongs or, I don't know... get another ladle, but nope! I was afforded the opportunity to fish around in the tub for the soup-slickened ladle. I was obligingly gracious, even as I poked at the ladle with a plastic knife.

Me: "Thank you!"
Girl: "Uh-huh."
Me (after extricating the ladle): "You think I could have a cup?"
Girl: "I broke them down."
Me: "Yeah, I saw that. I need a cup."
Girl: "I'll go get one?"
Me: "Is that really a question?"
Girl: "No?"
Me: "No."
Girl: "I'll go get a cup."
Me: "Yes, I'd appreciate that."
Girl: "Do you need a lid?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Girl: "I'll bring lids."
Me: "Thank you!"

Honestly, why even bother posting hours if you're just going to ignore them? "Sure, we're open 'till 3:00, but we toss the food out and clean the fixtures at 2:00 because we don't want to have to stay past 3:05. Oprah's on." I'd actually respect that argument more than their averted gazes and the way they scurry about like guilt-ridden cockroaches every day when I go to get a sandwich and the only thing still available is a bag of Fritos and yesterday's sushi. Is cleaning the toaster oven early really worth the slings and arrows those of us who just want to eat during the posted hours inevitably throw when we can't get a hot dog at 2:45?

I'm sorry. I haven't eaten in three days. I'm pissy.