What Child Is This?

By now everybody knows that officials from the Miss USA pageant were rumoured to be planning to strip 20-year-old Tara Connor of her Miss USA crown because of inappropriate behavior like underage drinking, but the organization tells the AP that isn't true.

"I can't really talk about it now," Donald Trump told the AP. "But we have to make a decision. There is no question about that." After evaluating Conner, the organization and Trump will "see what we can do to work with her and what we will do about her reign going forward," the organization's president, Paula M. Shugart, said in a statement, adding: "Mr. Trump will make a determination and announcement within the coming week."

If mail order videos have taught me anything it's that when girls want to go wild you let them go wild. And Tae Bo. They've also taught me Tae Bo. Pretty much everything I know is learned from mail order videos. That and fortune cookies.

Well, the good news is that Donald Trump announced at a news conference that the Miss USA organization is going to let Tara Conner keep her crown, despite "behavioral and personal issues" which included going to bars even though she's underage (oh, apparently Tara's list of offenses included testing positive for cocaine, sneaking guys into her Trump Place apartment, and making out with Miss Teen USA in public. Let me repeat that last one: making out with Miss Teen USA in public). The Donald (Good lord, what a jackass) said he believed she made bad mistakes but deserves a second chance, and that she would undergo therapy for her problems. But the real moral of the story? You can do anything when you're pretty. Want to punch a fireman in the face? Go for it. Chop up kittens for fertilizer in your Opium fields? Feel free. Eat a bald eagle? Sure, why not. You've earned it.