Monday, December 19, 2005

Genius of Love

Tom Cruise recently appeared at a fundraiser for a controversial Scientology program that claims to heal firefighters and rescue workers who breathed toxic smoke on 9/11. Doctors, however, say Cruise's "purification rundown" is nothing but worthless quackery consisting of sauna sweating, ingestion of cooking oil and large doses of niacin. The program could actually be harmful, because Cruise and company advise everyone to stop taking their prescription medications or using inhalers, just as he criticized Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants to relieve her postpartum depression.

When the words "Tom Cruise," "sauna sweating" and "cooking oil" come together in a story, I also fully expect to see some combination of the words "publicist rigorously denies" and "drunken ass-pirates." My mistake (this time). Sadly, it now seems only a matter of time before Tom Cruise's quasi-medicine indirectly kills someone. Hopefully that someone will be Tom Cruise.

He's so deep.

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