Sunday, July 20, 2008

There Is No Sanity Clause

We saw The Dark Knight this weekend. While we waited in line, we noticed that the fans leaving the theater were surprisingly subdued. Not the boisterous movie-goers you expect to see filing out of the summer's biggest blockbuster. It didn't make sense to us until the lights came up almost three hours later, and we found ourselves shuffling out of the theater as stunned as everyone else.

Here's the thing you must understand: Heath Ledger doesn't play The Joker. He plays the Devil. He weaves truth and lies; every scheme is designed to wreak havoc on multiple layers, including ones that aren't always evident at first; he can also make you feel downright sorry for the guy as he weaves one of many autobiographies spins during the course of the film. He's a master manipulator, and wherever he is, he's the smartest guy in the room. Yes, he's insane, but he's going to let you think that crazy equals reckless and unintelligent. He is neither.

Of course, a lot of that is as much a testament to the writers of The Dark Knight as Ledger. What Ledger adds to the mix is something he's clearly picked up from this version of The Joker, but what he adds... watching him move like a rabid animal or subtly flick his tongue like an angry serpent is to behold something you have never seen on screen before and probably will not again in your lifetime.

Look, I don't need to sell you on how good The Dark Knight is. By now, you've probably read dozens of such reviews, or have seen it at least once this weekend already. What's important to distinguish is that director and co-writer Christopher Nolan's epic telling of the Batman vs. Joker saga is more than just the greatest superhero movie ever made (and that it certainly is), but it's the year's finest crime drama, greatest character study, and Heath Ledger delivers the year's greatest acting performance. He earned an Academy Award nomination… and in my book, barring a Javier Bardem-caliber performance late in the year that at best could only match Heath Ledger's Joker, the Oscar is his.

Of course, there is a Batman in this film. I still think Michael Keaton was a great Batman, but Christian Bale has such great pent-up (and sometimes not so pent-up) rage in him this time that no one can hold a candle to the dimensions he's adding to either side of his identity. Bruce Wayne gets as much time on screen as his costumed alter ego (maybe even more), and I never felt short changed (as I did during Batman Returns, as good a Batman movie as you can watch that hardly has any Batman in it) probably because when Wayne is in the foreground, it usually means that Michael Caine or Morgan Freeman or Gary Oldman is on screen with him. Each of these characters gets more screen time and far more to do than in Batman Begins. They are not simply background characters kept around for the vibe; they are vital pieces to the goings on here.

Maggie Gyllenhaal's Rachel comes the closest to having a purpose of all of Batman's movie love interests. Rachel is torn between her true love and her new love, the "White Knight" district attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart, in easily the finest performance he has ever given). The film's recurring theme of man's duality obviously comes to a head when Dent's face is severely burned thanks to a booby trap set by The Joker, but it's also driven home by The Joker himself, who makes the interesting observation that he and Batman are just different kinds of crazy. Batman doesn't argue the point.

Aaron Eckhart, by the way, is outstanding. If this was any other film, we'd all be talking about the pathos he brings to the rise and fall of Harvey Dent. Hope dies when Two-Face is born, and thanks to Eckhart's portrayal of the white knight, I sympathized with Harvey, and I almost don't blame him for the darker times that are sure to come in Gotham.

While Ledger's performance is the highlight of the film, the production's not-so secret weapon is its screenplay (co-written by the director and his brother Jonathan Nolan). There are some points in the writing that are absolute poetry. At other points, the humor is worthy of absolute fits of laughter. And the ending is staggering and unexpected, but the writers don't reserve all of the film's surprises for its final 15 minutes. What the brothers Nolan understand is that the Joker doesn't have to kill thousands of people to scare the shit out of Gotham, he only needs to kill certain people, the right people, to bring the city to its knees. The Joker is a far more effective terrorist than Scarecrow or Ra's Al Ghul… but it's just as fun to watch how The Joker fights face to face: he hides behind his cronies, pushing them between himself and whoever is about to pummel him. He rarely goes after an opponent unless their back is turned or they're half out cold on the ground. And he never misses an opportunity to talk his way out of physical violence, which is not to say he doesn't relish a little knife play.

In the end, I don't know if it's good or bad that we'll never get to see The Joker and Batman go head to head again in the current franchise. Of course it's terrible that Ledger is gone, but in a sentiment I'm sure The Joker could appreciate, he has left us wanting more. Even if Ledger were still alive, I'm not sure I'd want him to reprise this character. That would almost be too much of a good thing. What he gave us is more than we deserve or could have anticipated, and for that I'm overwhelmingly grateful. You have no idea what's in store for you when you sit down to watch The Dark Knight.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Friday, July 18, 2008

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Button-Mash Pipe

Misty water-colored memories....

Ahhhhhh, it seems like only yesterday I was a college freshman in the dorm puffing on a tinfoil pipe and blowing the smoke through a dryer-sheet filled 20oz bottle. Good times. Which could have been better if I had a wicked N64 pipe at the time. But I didn't. What I did have was a dorm custodian that would occasionally drop off a rubber glove stuffed with a NASCAR lighter and partially smoked pipe for me to finish off. I'd give anything to be 18 again.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Iran So Far Away

So evidently Iran Photoshopped a picture of some recently-launched missiles to make it appear as if they have the capability to launch four missiles instead of admitting they can only launch three... and leave a dud.

A bunch of newspapers printed the photo before new things came to light...

only later to reveal it had been 'shopped. Uhhhhhh... doctoring a picture to show off four missiles instead of three firing successfully? What the hell's the purpose? If you're gonna' doctor a picture, doctor a picture, dammit!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

OK Computer!

"In Radiohead's new video for "House of Cards", no cameras or lights were used. Instead, 3D plotting technologies collected information about the shapes and relative distances of objects. The video was created entirely with visualizations of that data."

Directed by James Frost



I dunno... I miss the giant white flags waving in slow motion... in the rain... on a rooftop.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Where The Wild Things Are Available

After months of speculation on the fate of Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are, Warner Brothers' Alan Horn has come forward to speak about the reportedly doomed project. Speaking to the LA Times, Horn clarified that Jonze has not been taken off the project, adding that Warner Brothers is not trying to make the dark children's book into a "bland, sanitized studio movie." They simply want it cut in such a vapid, watered-down way that it will appeal to everyone:
"We've given him more money and, even more importantly, more time for him to work on the film," Horn said. "We'd like to find a common ground that represents Spike's vision but still offers a film that really delivers for a broad-based audience. We obviously still have a challenge on our hands. But I wouldn't call it a problem, simply a challenge. No one wants to turn this into a bland, sanitized studio movie. This is a very special piece of material and we're just trying to get it right."
Horn then added that the title will be changed from Where the Wild Things Are to Where Those Lovable, Cuddly Things--Think Sort of a Live-Action "Monster's Inc." Vibe--Are. Such as Toy Stores, Where You Can Buy Plush Versions of These Wonderfully Charming Characters.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Temple Of Lohan

I mean... really?



Saturday, July 12, 2008

Friday, July 11, 2008

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hi-Def

In word news, "fanboy" has officially been added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary. That's the entry there in the picture. Weird they didn't mention anything about Apple or video games. Oh, and as you can see they claim the word dates back to 1919. Which I find a little hard to believe. In 1919 a fanboy was a kid you paid to wave a palm frond in your direction to stay cool, not somebody sitting outside an Apple store right now waiting for an iPhone.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Relatively Obedient Being Of Thought

Does this make you feel better about our angry offspring? No? That's too bad. Really.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Drums Along The Hudson

Bongo-player extraordinaire Matthew McConaughey astounds me yet again by typing people words and claiming to have knowledge of the Bible. Here's his latest blog entry explaining how he chose "Levi Alves McConaughey" for his newborn son's name. I'm going to assume somebody ate a handful of mescaline then watched 6-8 hours of TBN:
" 'Levi' was another name for the apostle "Matthew" in the bible.... they
were, in fact, two names for the same person... our son was born at 6:22 pm, and
this particular "time" represents my favorite verse in the book of Matthew in
the bible: "if thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light."

So, is Matthew "McConaughey" trying to tell us his kid "only" has one eye? Because I didn't "understand" a friggin' thing that guy just said. I do know that Levi's going to be the only preschooler to talk non-stop on the spiritual lessons of Cookie Monster: "Man, I'm telling you, man. That sumbitch knows shit. It's like he's in my noggin', man, diggin' around. Telling me, yeah, I love cookies, but do I even know why there's a C in 'cookie,' man? KER-PSHH! Fries your freakin' Play-Doh, doesn't it?" Levi will later drop out of kindergarten after he realizes he's Jesus and just really likes nachos.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Wall-Inebriated

Lookee! Mr. Asahi was made by Japanese based Asahi Breweries, and serves beer before stealing your girlfriend and making out with her in the walk-in cooler. It took over 200 man-hours to build Mr. Robobeer and he's pretty much limited to opening bottles and pouring draft beer. Did I mention he talks? He talks. Now I'm torn here because for one, well he's a robot, and we all know that robots are evil and will soon enough inherit the Earth. On the other hand, well, he serves beer.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Thunder#@*# Is Right!

You know what I love? I love Golden Grahams! And I love it when when reality shows are reported as if the shit happening on them is actually real. In this case, Kristy Morgan who "won" this season's A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila but turned down Tila on the finale. People caught up with Kristy to find out why she chose not to date a fake bisexual. It's called a script, folks:
" “I really went with what my heart said,” Morgan said. “Sometimes you date people, and then it’s not always the happy ending.” Morgan, who is bisexual, said she was “emotionally unstable” living away from friends and family and in a house full of lesbians and straight men. “It helped me learn what type of woman I want to be, [but] I started to emotionally break down,” she said."

Meanwhile, Tila Tequila is feigning rage on her website and unleashed some angry leprechaun poetry while telling MTV where to dump the pile of cash for a third season:

Thunderfuck my mouth is shut. Been a while, feel like a cunt.
Can't wait for this drama to pass.
Oh the joy.....fuck you. My ass.
Live a lie.
Tell my mind.
Over soon. I can't deny.
You will all soon see, the truth in my eyes.
Smile on my face, the loving embrace....but instead I'll punch you in the face.
For a long time coming....I let you touch me....now that it's over bitch....You better start running.
Pent up inside....telling these lies....this has gone too far.....the world will soon die.
Only 1 more day. To feel this way. Tomorrow I smile....brings another day!
Back to myself. Nobody else. Fuck all this bullshit. I'm back to myself. Yes. Thank the fuck God.

Wow. That's quite a verbose entry for someone who has to hop from key to key.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Particle Fan

That's right folks, The Particle Zoo is now selling all your favorite particles. They're $9 apiece and can be purchased separately or in sets (that's not even all of them in the picture there). Each is packed with a material appropriate for their mass (lighter ones filled with foam, heavier ones with gravel). Whee! I love soft things! But be warned: the last time I thought I was bringing a charm quark home she turned out to be strange. I did get to see her photons though.