You Don't Know Jack.

Happy Halloween!

Re-Possessed.

What a cut-up.

Great, Kid! Don't Get Cocky!

Optimism? Cautious.

I Still Haven't Fled What I'm Running From.

Terrorish.

But That's How It Goes.

Whoa.

Where There's Glenn, There's Hope.

The Fur Is With Him.

Wookie error!

YOU Make The Call!

Best love song written about someone the artist never met?

Allison

Susanne

Kate

What's The Worst That Could Happen?

It's time for a new feature!

Welcome to "What's The Worst That Could Happen?"

Seen on a barrier while waiting for the 38R:

What's the worst that could happen?

Good Morning, Sleepyhead!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaake Up!

Heavy!

Great Scott!

Miss You. Thank You. Love You.

Half-Mast.

Saw this on a men's room wall the other night:

"I lowered my standards and my pants for him."

Sooooo many questions....

Hi! Welcome To Wet Seal!

The Cops!

I Can See For Niles And Niles.

Boo.

The Pain That Never Dies.

Aw, dang.

Genetics 101.

Well, *That* Explains A Lot.

Jay Z Days And Sundays....

So what? I was possessed by Jay Z late last year, and it didn't help me get out of traffic school.

We Came, We Saw, We Shopped.

Start saving those pennies!

"Zombie Or Not A Zombie?" Returns!

Oh come on now, you deserve it!

Zombie... or not a zombie?

The Best Thing I Said Today!

"You know what's better than being sorry? Not being a dick."

(The) Envoy Encore.

You're Welcome.

Tweet Nothings.

Hey, look! I learned how to send the Twitter!

5:00 PM (two days ago)
I can Twitter on my phone! No idea why I would, but it’s cool. Gives me something to do in the new house.

1:00 AM
Found mysterious hole in new house today. In floor. No basement. Calling my realtor before neighbor comes over for some pie and noodles.

7:00 AM
Building plans show no basement. What’s the hole lead to? Totally checking it out after neighbor leaves. Put carpet over hole for now.

9:00 AM
Neighbor fell through carpet. Trying to play it like I didn’t know there was a hole.

9:20 AM
Man alive! Neighbor eaten by alligators! What are alligators doing under my house?

9:30 AM
They’re coming out of the hole. I’m stuck upstairs.

9:45 AM
911 operator thought I was joking. Hung up on me. At least alligators can’t climb stairs.

9:50 AM
They can climb stairs. Locking door.

10:00 AM
Alligators can’t open locks, can they? That’s just Raptors, right?

10:45 AM
Need to get out of here. Think I can climb out the window. Just two stories. Not bad, right? Just don’t look down.

11:00 AM
Looked down. More alligators. They’re coming through the ground down there. So many holes.

11:11 AM
Police! Cop car at my house right now! Regis bless those flashing red and blue lights.

11:26 AM
Tunneling lizards got him. Can hear him under my house now. Stupid holegators. Got back to bedroom, threw my TV at one of them.

11:40 AM
I miss my TV. CNN say anything about holegator invasion?

11:50 AM
Alligators dragged my TV into their holes. Could swear I hear them watching it. They have electricity?

12:00 PM, Noon
They shut off my power. Holegators can chew through power lines.

12:24 PM
Holegator tried to pick my lock. Opened door and whacked him in face, then shut it. Haha.

12:30 PM
House just sagged. Think they’re eating the foundation?

12:42 PM
House now diagonal. Living in a scalene triangle. They’re trying to climb up to the window. Got to escape.

1:00 PM
Climbed up side. Got to roof. Holegator followed me; hit him with an antenna.

1:10 PM
They got my antenna. Have to run for the cop car.

1:20 PM
Made it. Thing won’t start! How do you start a cop car?

1:30 PM
Holegators burrowed under and ate the transmission! Car can’t move! When did alligators start eating metal?

1:40 PM
They’re under me. Can hear my TV. Holegators watch PBS?

1:50 PM
They’re eating the tires. Where to go? Wish there was a spare gun.

1:55 PM
Jabbing an alligator in eye with nightstick is more fun than you think.

1:59 PM
They ate my nightstick.

2:15 PM
Can’t get back to house. Surrounded.

2:25 PM
Going to do something stupid.

2:35 PM
Jumped down their hole. They have disco lighting? So many disco balls.

2:50 PM
Disco stopped. They’re back. Going to eat me.

3:00 PM
Going to do something stupid.

3:10 PM
It worked! Singing disco songs makes them stop. Saturday Night Fever, I love you!

3:20 PM
YYY M C A

3:30 PM
They get good TV reception.

3:40 PM
Brought me Chinese for singing Kung Fu Fighting. Good dumplings. Considering staying for a while.

Best Of Daves.

End Of Dave's.

Another one bites the dust. #RIPSOMA

Feeling Bullish.

Strike (Out)!

Any serious discussion  of "Worst Show Ever?" must include Celebrity Bowling. And if you haven't seen the Bill Shatner episode you're just so, so sad. #allforyoujedallan

Always Again, America.

Watch Obama Address Homicidal Gun Violence Again, And Again, And Again - http://huff.to/1JHgMai