A Strange Thing Mystifying

What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happenin'!

Well JC, JC, we've logged week 6 in the record books, and all things considered it coulda' gone a whole lot worse. How's that for a glowing endorsement of my fantasy football skills kids?

In the NFL.COM league? I won! That's my third win in a row! 'till last weekend, I'd never, ever won three in a row before! Hell, I'd never won two in a row! Three back-to-back wins! So, I have that going for me... which is nice.

Nancy also won (handily, as a matter of fact), and since Joe got whooped (sorry man, but there's no other word for it), she sprinted ahead of him in the standings.

While you're checking out the rankings, please note: I'm Number One in my division! Now go tell the Spartans! (What on Earth could that possibly mean?)

Oh, and PS: Tony got whooped too... which is frankly unfathomable, since he's forgotten more about football than I'll ever know... but if following the Seahawks has taught me anything, it's that where there's life, there's hope. So here's livin'... and hopin'... and, you know... stuff.

Taaaa-daaaaaaaaaaaaah:

East Division
Metropolis Meteors 4 -2- 0
AntiBushTexans 3 -3 -0
jump 3 -3 -0
Crawford Vaqueros 1 -4 -1

Central Division
blueflames 5- 1- 0
San Jose Synecdoche 4- 2 -0
marauders 3 -3 -0
Eau Claire Charlatans 3- 3 -0

West Division
COSTA RICAN PANTHERS 3 -3 -0
Jimbo 3- 3 -0
scurvy dawgs 2 -4-0
METRO ALLSTARS 1 -4 -1

"But what about the office Yahoo league, Chris?" you're asking. "How did it go there?" Well my little ranch-flavored croutons, things didn't go so well there.

Four words:
Kerry.
Collins.
Sucks.
Ass.

Knothead has one job: score touchdowns. What did he do on Sunday? Not that. Not even once.

Despite his profound inability to do even an adequate job at the only thing he's supposed to be good at, I almost won last week. In fact, for the first half of Monday night's game, I was ahead, and things looked pretty good. The birds were chirping just a little bit chirpier; the breezes were a little more breezy, and I held out the cautious hope that I'd score wins in both leagues two weeks running... but then, for some inexplicable reason, they insisted on playing the second half of the game... and my hopes were dashed against the rocky shores of Reggie Wayne's Nikes. (Just... just go with me on that, okay? It's late, and that's really the best I've got.)

Taaaaaa- shit. Whatever:

1. San Diego Zoo 6-0-0
2. Kirk's nightmare 5-1-0
3. Last & Least Too 4-2-0
4. Turd Burglars 4-2-0
5. Budwipers 4-2-0
6. Arsenal 3-3-0
7. AggieDucks 3-3-0
8. Gotham Knights 3-3-0
9. Las Vegas Heat 3-3-0
10. Super Chargers 2-4-0
11. Wade Reeves QB 2-4-0
12. kimpossible 2-4-0
13. The Nation 1-5-0
14. Cyanide 0-6-0

Dropped to eighth. So? What are you lookin' at?

The problem here is my point total stinks. It's only my win/loss ratio that's keeping me afloat, which means, in simple terms, that losing sucks. My plan? To not lose.

What's really odd about week 6 is that it was the exact opposite of what I expected in every way. Not in some ways, mind you... every last way. What's more, I'm certain that if I'd started all the guys I benched, the results would have been exactly the same. It's like some Twilight Zone episode... but in color... and with better hair cuts.

I may be down, but I'm not out... I can rock the cynics if I try. Try not to get worried.