Pookah Makes Three

After consulting her IMDB profile and realizing that most people hadn't seen or heard of her since 1961, former child star Shirley Temple Black decided that the hippest, most happening thing she could do was hate Paris Hilton:

"The 77-year-old former curly topped cutie has blasted Hilton, saying that those
like the partying heiress are "stealing the thunder from really talented actors
who have learnt their craft," reports the London Express.

I knew Paris Hilton was annoying, but I didn't think she was annoying enough to reawaken the dead. And don't you Paris Hilton supporters give me that tired old argument: "But Shirley Temple isn't dead. She's just really, really old." That's exactly the kind of thinking that'll get all our brains eaten by undead post-war starlets. So if you wake up to Lucille Ball gnawing on your head, don't blame me, blame necromancer -"Hoodoo"- Hilton.