Score Creep

I hate poetry Slams.

I want to like them. I really do. I like the idea of a national –if not worldwide by now- network of writers working together to hone their craft and support each other in their poetic bond… but sadly the competitive nature of the Slam -and the shallowness of those most devoted to that sad religion- makes that dream unobtainable. That’s right, Slam poets killed my dream. Jerks.

Poetry Slams are basically venues that encourage people with next to no talent to yell into a microphone, act like cheap aural copies of Joe Matt or Joe Coleman, and dredge up issues like "Racism is bad” and “You don’t know the real me.” I read once that Lawrence Ferlinghetti said that "Slam Kills Poetry…” I’m afraid he was right.

Don’t take my word for it… check out this opening passage from the rule book of a local Slam competition:

2004 was the last year of the point system (everyone wave good bye to it). Now we are switching to something a bit more simpler, yet more competitive….

The new season begins August 12th. There will be slams throughout the summer so get your skills sharpened.

See you...at the SLAM!

I mean, you've got to respect a “literary” outfit that manages to make a grammatical error in the opening lines of their rule book. Oh, and these "skills" that are to be sharpened? They’re essentially the ability to gesticulate wildly and to rap bad poetry... which is only slightly less annoying than yodeling Gary Snyder’s Turtle Island into a cereal box.

Don't expect anomie and metaphor to be paired, expect The Plight Of the American Smoker, or The Plight Of the American Barista or The Plight Of the American Single Dad or The Plight Of the American Goth Girl or… well, you get the idea. Nothing wrong with that sort of thing in a dialogue with people who can change things for the poor, white, black or whomever, but Slams are really just self-serving sermons; propaganda ministers preaching to the choir.

Again, from a Slam rule book:

What is the difference between slam poetry and poetry?
That's not the right question to ask. There is no such thing as "slam poetry" even though the term "slam poet" seems to have gained acceptance. Those who use the term "slam poetry" are probably thinking more of hip-hop poetry or loud, in-your-face, vaguely poetic rants. The more useful question to ask is "What is the difference between spoken word and poetry?" Spoken word is poetry written first and foremost to be HEARD. At any given slam, much of the work presented could be called spoken word.

Fuckin’ morons. Anne Sexton had a backup band. And you want a good example of poetry written to be heard? Check out the lyrical poetry of Sylvia Plath's Three Women: Poem for Three Voices.

The Slam, sad to say, is what poetry is now: people who aren't poets telling people who don't read poetry what poetry isn't.

Jerks.