Thoughtless Pennies

Kevin Federline has finally decided to give back to the community with the stupidest charity ever. He showed up at Times Square recently to promote Virgin Mobile's 1-cent text-message service and help launch their "Save the Penny" fund-raising campaign which is aimed at keeping the penny in circulation, as well as collecting spare change for various children's organizations.

"What's up, New York!" Federline shouted from a stage after arriving in an armored truck decorated with 120,000 pennies. "I'm here with Virgin Mobile to bring the power back to the penny! I feel good about the penny! I'm glad to give it back to these charities." Then he sent the first 1-cent text, claiming it went to "my wife." Mugging for the cameras, Federline held up a penny and slipped it in the armored vehicle's donation slot. Then K-Fed took a cigarette break, wiping his hand on his pants before doing a few television interviews.

"I just gave all my pennies to charity!" he bragged to one TV outlet. To another, he said: "A bunch of charities get these children off the streets - build a better life, build a better future, for these children." And to another: "There's thousands of kids out here that have nowhere to go." He admitted to "Access Hollywood's" Tim Vincent: "It's my first time doing a charity."
What a shock. Finished with his compassionate interviews, K-Fed kissed publicist Marilyn Lopez goodbye, and four bodyguards escorted him to a black SUV. A block into the ride, the SUV rear-ended a pedicab, prompting a curse-fest between the pedicab driver and one of Federline's guards. At which point the Naked Cowgirl - a pastie-wearing, guitar-strumming Louisa Holmlund - toplessly approached the vehicle. A rear tinted window rolled halfway down, and a hand came out to give her two $1 bills."

If you managed to read through all that you must've noticed at the end he gave two $1 bills to a naked woman while only donating his change to charity. And you wonder why he's my personal hero.