Something About Mary

"One of the candidates, adult film actress Mary Carey said if she doesn't win the recall vote she will go back to making porno films. Even more disturbing, Gary Coleman said the same thing." ~Conan O'Brien

Infamous porn star Mary Carey says she's now a fully converted Republican after hobnobbing with GOP bigwigs at a fundraiser hosted by Dubya. The former California gubernatorial candidate and star of such classic films as Dual Airbags and Some Like 'em Big was disappointed, however, that she didn't get an opportunity to press the flesh with President Shitstick. "I was told that they had people ready to tackle me if I tried to, you know, get up close to him," she told MSNBC's Keith Olbermann. "And they were worried about me maybe flashing or streaking through the dinner. And I mean, I can't believe they'd think I would do that. I'm a serious politician."

Here's an excerpt from the intrepid Keith Olbermann's amusing interview with Mary Carey:

CAREY: "I really wanted to meet President Bush, though, like, you know, up close and personal. I was kind of disappointed.
OLBERMANN: And that never—that was never even close, that.
CAREY: No, they actually—I was told that they had people ready to tackle me if I tried to, you know, get up close to him. And they were worried about me maybe flashing or streaking through the dinner. And I mean, I can‘t believe they‘d think I would do that. I‘m a serious politician. I would never want to, you know, jeopardize my, you know, future career like that.
OLBERMANN: Well, despite the fact that you didn‘t get to meet the president and there were other limitations to the evening, was it fun anyway?
CAREY: I had a great time. You know, Republicans can party almost as much as porn stars.(LAUGHTER)
CAREY: I think they can drink just as much. There were some really drunk guys by the end of the night. I was getting propositions to have threesomes with wives or mistresses. I was offered money from oil tycoons! I mean, it‘s pretty exciting. I didn‘t take any money and I didn‘t do any threesomes, but it was pretty—I was just surprised. I thought everyone would be stuck up and no one was going to like me. And everyone loved me and got drunk and took pictures with me. So I want to keep going to Republican events. I‘m a fully converted Republican now."

Good Lord.

Watch this.

The blessed bulgin' Mary also sat down for an interview with The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert:

COLBERT: What appeals to you about the Republican party?
CAREY: I just think Republicans are very, very wealthy people. And, um, if I want to be wealthy and powerful I should hang out with them. If you play with cripples you start to limp. So I don't want to play with cripples anymore. I want to be up with the NBA players, y'know, which is Republicans.
COLBERT: Okay. In your analogy Democrats are handicapped and Republicans are tall athletic black men.
CAREY: Exactly. That's exactly what it is.
COLBERT(narration): But today's GOP is not just for pornographers. It also embraces compulsive gamblers [photo of Bill Bennett], drug addicts [photo of Rush Limbaugh], and convicted killers [photo of Don King].

Now watch the video clip here.

Now go outside, for God's sake.