Throw It! Throw it!

Superman: 5, Clerks: 2

Unnecessary Toughness

The National Enquirer has apologized to Britney Spears for running two different stories saying her marriage to Kevn Federline was over. They write:

"Contrary to what our articles might have suggested, we now accept that their marriage is not over and they are not getting divorced. These allegations are untrue and we now accept Britney's position that the statements are without foundation. We apologize for any distress caused."

The fact that the National Enquirer felt it necessary to apologize for one of their stories means they actually take themselves seriously. And that makes me sad. They're about as credible a news source as Mad TV, only with less fact checking. The only time they'd ever need to apologize for a story is if their paper somehow came alive and started murdering young children. And even then people would just sort of shrug and say, "Dude, it's just the National Enquirer."

Beat down.

Violence never solved anything... but maybe this time....

Hell for leather.

"You aren't alive anywhere like you're alive at fight club.... Fight club isn't about winning or losing fights. Fight club isn't about words. You see a guy come to fight club for the first time, and his ass is a loaf of white bread. You see this same guy here six months later, and he looks carved out of wood. This guy trusts himself to handle anything. There's grunting and noise at fight club like at the gym, but fight club isn't about looking good. There's hysterical shouting in tongues like at church, and when you wake up Sunday afternoon you feel saved."
~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Fancy pants.

40

"I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...."
~U2, 40

Jefferson! I Think We're Lost!

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." ~Anais Nin

The Golden Road

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." ~Clarence Darrow

Top Of The Pops

"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
~H.L. Mencken

Do Not Go Quietly

Superman's Midlife Crisis

Words and Music Copyright © by Joe Giacoio

"Superman waits at an airport
Watching the outbound flights
He remembers the day when he first broke free
When the ground fell away like a trick of the light

But now he only flies when saves up the miles
He watches his weight, his cholesterol
Because he traded his tights for blue pin stripes
And no one calls him Superman anymore

Chorus
Up, Up, and Away, TWA
I used to fly free at night
But love is kryptonite
Who'd believe I'd give that all away?

Now he turns around to an old reflex
A young girl's heart beats an SOS
So he whips off his glasses, sets his collar free
And says, "This is a job for who I used to be".

He still wears his cape hidden under his clothes
Just in case, but this time he knows
You can't turn back the clock for a quick trip home
And you can't change clothes behind a cellular phone

Chorus

But Spiderman took a job in accounting
Now he only punches 9 to 5
Batman sold his soul
For a leading man role
And it's no fun playing make believe
When your friends grow up and move away

Superman feels the beat
Of a question mark, where an "S" used to be
When the luggage starts to twirl around
And he feels two hearts seek him out In the crowd

"Daddy, Oh, how we missed you
We flew all the way, just like you
Won't you tell me your stories again tonight?"
As his fears fall away like a trick of the light

Up, up and away
Lois Lane
Because in her heart he flies
She'll call him Superman tonite
You know he'll never give this all away"

The Passion Of The Nerds

Tie The Knot? Or Not?

Life & Style is reporting that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are engaged after Vaughn proposed during their recent trip to Paris to promote The Break-Up! Could you believe it?

Jennifer, they say, has invited Brad Pitt's mom to the wedding and Vince is trying to get in shape for the big day, with Jen telling a friend: "He's started the Zone diet, and he's working out. He looks great." They say she's waiting for the heat over Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's baby to die down before trading vows, although an insider insists she's getting serious about her wedding plans, saying: "Jen's already asked Courteney Cox to be her matron of honor."

The source is Life & Style so I wouldn't take the news too seriously. When you make up half your stories it's pretty easy to forget when you're telling the truth. Why, ust the other day I paid a homeless guy $20 to tell me Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a mop. And now I can write with the utmost confidence that a source exclusively revealed to me that Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a mop. Bad reporting... or the shocking truth?

Dance, K-Fed! Dance!

Salad? Taco? Genius!

Genius... and a man of it.

Really, really, really... ummm... geniusy.

Slap on the genius!

He who smelt it... sat next to a genius!

Hofful

It's the new... ummmm... "music" video From David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff - Jump In My Car!

Listen Germany, if you wouldn’t keep embracing goofy shit like this and speedos on fat men, you wouldn’t have to swing the pendulum so hard in the other direction with things like Hitler when the other nations inevitably pont and giggle. Try to find the balanced path, Germany. Please?

Do You Want Munchausen With That?

"When The Going Gets Weird..."

"...the weird turn pro."

Thus spake Hunter.

On this day in 1929, Hunter S. Thompson -the steadfast father and embarrassing uncle of "gonzo" journalism- was born. Is it a national holiday yet?

Little known facts:

By age 10, he was publishing his own two-page newspaper, which he sold for four cents.
By his early teens, he had already launched on the life of drinking, vandalism, and pyromania that would turn him into a bestselling writer.

At age 18, he was jailed for robbery. After serving 30 days of his 50-day sentence, he was released after promising to join the Air Force.

While serving on a Pensacola, Florida, Air Force base, he became sports editor of the base newspaper and later went to work for a paper in New York, where he was fired for kicking a vending machine. He wrote plain ol' journalism pieces for various magazines, and in 1967 he expanded one of his articles into his first book, Hell's Angels, which became a bestseller.

In 1970, while covering the Kentucky Derby, he went on a weeklong bender and developed severe writer's block. He handed his scrawled notes to the copy boys his editors sent after him, and the result, The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent and Depraved, was hailed as a landmark in journalism. One of his editors dubbed the new style "gonzo," for its wild, careening style.
In 1972, Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas became a bestseller, as did his 1972 Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, about the Nixon-McGovern presidential election.

Sadly -and almost not-surprisingly- he died at his home in Woody Creek, Colorado, on February 20, 2005 of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was 67 years old... but still, younger and cooler than everyone else.

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." ~Hunter S. Thompson

"Love, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We're expecting you.
Love, life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it floats back to you..."

"The Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance."

"Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!"

"Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance."

"Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's the Love Boat-ah! It's the Love Boat-ah!"

"I'm so lonely I could... blank."

"D" Is For "Duped"

In an interview with Larry King, Kathy Griffin reveals that she split from her ex-husband after finding out he'd been stealing her ATM cards while she was sleeping and withdrawing money from her bank account. She says:

"My ex-husband, without my knowledge, was sneaking into my wallet when I was asleep in the mornings and taking my ATM cards from my private accounts and withdrawing money. That money totalled $72,000."

Seriously, I don't know what's more shocking: the fact that Kathy Griffin didn't notice she was missing $72,000 or the fact that Kathy Griffin actually had $72,000. I guess before she hit it big with the D-List stuff she must've been supplementing her income with rodeo clown work. Or doing focus groups. $72,000... that's a lot of spitting into plastic cups, my friends.

Alison... My Aim Is True

"Hooray the blues of everyone, Allison."

Katie Bar The Door!

I keep telling myself that this will not turn into the "Tomkat Watch" blog... but dammit! I'm just a man! What do you want from me?

Katie Holmes -who has almost never been seen since "giving birth" to Suri back in April- was spotted recently on vacation in Telluride, Colorado doing some shopping with one of her friends. Baby Suri was nowhere to be seen, oddly enough, but before getting into the passenger seat of her Hummer H3 and heading home she told Us Weekly: “Suri’s doing great! She’s back at the house.” It should be noted that a few Telluride locals who were certainly not paid to say so said they saw li'l Suri! In fact, a clerk at a natural-goods store exclaimed that Suri is "funny looking."

The timing is so perfect for this! It's like the Cruise household started reading about how everybody questions if the baby actually exists so they sent Katie Holmes out on a little mission to convince everybody the baby is doing okay. And is real. And isn't just a Mr. Potato Head they're pushing around in a baby carriage. Or, well, a Mr. Potato Head they're paying someone else to push around in a baby carriage, anyway.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Syd Barrett died.

Syd was the the founding member of Pink Floyd. Sure Roger, Nick and Richard were there, and vital... but that band was Syd Barrett's vision.

Unfortunately, that's not so much his legacy. Syd is remembered as one of the great bummers in rock music, for his creative talents came from a brain well-challenged by a schizophrenia-like mental condition accelerated by LSD, and his name had become synonymous, -inaccurately- with talent being ruined by the rock n’ roll lifestyle. Fact is, most of Syd’s mental problems were genetic and unavoidable.

He was brilliant and beautiful. We knew he'd never come back, still it's sad to hear he's gone away... so long, Syd.

Suri With The (Lunatic) Fringe On Top

You know, it's been three months since Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' gave birth to Suri and she still hasn't been seen, even by their closest friends. A source tells Us Weekly that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to even show her to fellow Scientologists John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley! Even their good friends Will and Jada Pinkett Smith haven't met her, despite repeated calls to Cruise.

“Every time, it’s a different excuse: He’s busy or Kate’s not feeling well,” says a source. ‘[The Smiths] think it’s so weird.”

I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why society as a whole still believes this baby exists, but it's becoming more and more evident we've all been the victim of a huge scam. The purpose of which has yet to be determined, but I figure it's all leading up to Tom Cruise appearing on a late night infomercial and telling me how I can make big bucks from home. And all he needs is my credit card number!

Certifiable

TMZ has obtained a copy of Suri Cruise's birth certificate which wasn't filed with the Los Angeles County Clerk until May 8th even though Suri was "born" on April 18.

They also point out some interesting notes about the certificate, like that the "Attendant or Certifier" wasn't in the room during the delivery and never saw the baby, although she was authorized to sign because the doctor wasn't available. Additionally, St. John's Hospital filed the certificate 20 days after the birth as opposed to their usual policy of doing it within 10 days because they needed a signature from the parents or their representative and nobody came in until May 4th. I don't know how you explain neither of the parents being available during the 24 hours immediately following the delivery, but whatever. The person who eventually signed was labeled "friend" and the reason they finally came in was because Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite for one.

I've got a birth certificate for Mickey Mouse I threw together in Photoshop but I'm pretty sure that doesn't prove he exists. There's something very fishy going on with this child and it's up to me and my group of rambunctious sidekicks to figure out what.

Thanks Julie!

Uncharted Waters

Inconceivable.

Look, I knew Superman Returns would be pretty much screwed once Pirates opened, but whoda' guessed the sequel to a film nobody expected anything from would wind up garnering the biggest opening day ever, and roll on to locking-up the biggest opening weekend in history?

Not me.

Hell, I dug the first film, and I'm looking forward to seeing this one (despite the universally bad reviews)... but here's how loyal I am to the Superman franchise: I refused to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest this weekend. That's right, you can't count our $20 amongst the loot Johnny & Co. hauled in this record-breaking weekend. Take that, Disney!

Drawn and quartered.

The Snark was a Boojum! The pic is a link! Click it!

Hoff His Rocker

Not so smart without your talking car, huh big man?

David Hasselhoff was reportedly kicked out of Wimbledon because he was too drunk, forcing a guard to walk him off the tournament grounds after he repeatedly got in arguments with the security staff.

"First, the 53-year-old actor had a blazing row outside Centre Court. Guards would not let him in because he did not have a valid ticket. Then he was banned from press and players’ bars as he tried to get another drink. Hasselhoff, who has fought a long battle with booze, yelled at staff: “You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I’m The Hoff.” Hasselhoff then downed beer after beer and was later seen staggering... Security chiefs ordered Hoff out. One guard said: “He was steaming drunk.” "

If I was David Hasslehoff I'd be asking every single person I ran into if they knew who I was, and then I'd follow it up with "I'm The Hoff!" and then punch them in the stomach and continue on my way. When you're David Hasselhoff you get to do shit like that. It's in the manual, right after step 1 of being The Hoff: "Maintain 80's perm throughout all stages of life."

If you haven't already seen the teaser trailer for Spider-Man 3, it would behoove you to check it out.

Did I use that right? "Behoove?" I hear them throwing the word around at those fancy English high teas I attend and I thought I'd give it a toss here. Next week I plan on working in the word "hodgepodge." Stay tuned!

The Wrong Show

Golly, it wouldn't be summer without another lame Big Brother twist, right?

It seems that this season in the Big Brother house, there'll be two "Heads of Household" each week, and they must agree on the weekly two nominations for eviction... or face eviction themselves! Shocking!

Y'understand that if you combined the IQs of any two of the BB houseguests it'd add up to less than my belt size, and still I expect they could manage to figure out that agreeing to approve of the other's nominee for eviction beats the living shit out of being nominated themselves, so yeah... not so much of a twist there while life grinds inexorably on in the Big Brother household.

You wanna' twist? Here are some ideas:

1. Electrify the floor.

2. The co-HOHs have to nominate two houseguests for eviction? Fine. Historically, the houseguests gather 'round the dining room table and draw keys from a revolving platform, hoping to see their name on any of the withdrawn keys. Those left at the table keyless? They're up for eviction, based on the capricious whims of their fellow houseguests. I would suggest in the new, "two key" scenario that in fact it's one houseguest who's facing eviction on a straight, public "up or down" vote... while the other faces annihilation. The eviction-nominated houseguest's key wouldn't be in the revolving platform as usual... but the other's? The other's would be in the platform, and when it was drawn out with a sigh of relief it'd close a subcutaneous circuit in the player's hand and activate the explosives in that houseguest's torso,* killing him/her instantly, loudly and messily.

3. Meanwhile, those post-exploded houseguest bits would play a part in the game as it unfolds! Normally, after the "Nomination Ceremony" the houseguests wander off muttering to themselves and each other about the injustice of the world, and how much they miss chocolate, right? They'd still do that... except for the houseguest who exploded. That person's remains would be strewn all over the Big Brother house, which would not only present a house cleaning issue ("Come on Kaysar! You know I sponged-up over half of the spleen! You get the pancreas!"), but a nourishment dilemma during "PB&J" weeks. See, we already know no one cleans the BB house, so the bits of ex-houseguest would surely dangle from the lamps and wall coverings for the duration of the summer... but what if those bits were offered as an alternative to PB&J to those houseguests who'd lose the food challenge each week? Where do you suppose they'd draw the line? At feasting on human flesh... or at feasting on the human flesh of people whom they despised? "Ewww, I dunno... Chicken George was a creep, wasn't he? And he never bathed." Or would it be easier for them to munch on the remains of houseguests they actually liked? I can picture them standing in an emaciated little lump, staring up at someone's liver as it dangles precariously from the ceiling fan, and saying "Gee, I'm sure Danielle would want us to stay strong for the HOH competitions... she'd want us to eat her liver, right?"

4. The producers should place random pressure mines under the floor of the Big Brother house. When a houseguest steps on one, and hears the "clack!" as it's activated, Big Brother would explain to them that they'd just activated a house mine, and that stepping off would end their game, their life, and really fuck up that section of the house for everyone else. Viewers could then vote on deactivating the mine, or just sit back, watch the feeds and see how long the houseguest can stand motionless on a 1'x1' patch of carpet. If they voted to deactivate the mine, the houseguest could step off, and rejoin the game. If they didn't, the houseguest would have to stay out for the remainder of the game... or be blown into tiny, bite-sized bits. In fact, the producers could make it an even more interactive experience for fans who subscribe to the online feeds! Viewers at home could, via the internet, create such distractions as a swarm of scorpions, or dropping leeches from the ceiling above the trapped houseguest's head, and wager on the result! Would the houseguest step off the mine? Stand still and be stung to death by angry scorpions? Kneel in a puddle of tears and urine only to be bled dry by the starving leeches? You can't win if you don't play!

5. Introduce a slow-to-metabolize toxin into the food supply. The houseguests battle every week for food, right? And those who lose are forced to eat PB&J? Now they'd be fighting for even more than the privilege to not eat PB&J all week... they'd be fighting for survival. Once cut off from the slow and steady stream of the toxin their bodies would start to fail, leading to severe flatulence and eventual organ collapse. Three consecutive weeks of PB&J would equal certain doom... but not before summertime sweeps.

Those are twists. Chew on those for a spell... I'm sure as the summer wears on, and I'm stuck staring at Jase's ugly, arrogant mug week after week I'll come up with more ways to liven things up in the ol' Big Brother house... but first....


*You want to be on Big Brother? You submit to a thorough exam which includes the insertion of mostly illegal explosives into barely accessible nether regions. That's the price of fame, my friends.

You know Neve Campbell?

So needless to say I'm odds and ends.

Bill of Rights

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

In The Church Of The Poison Mind

In the late 1940s, pulp writer L. Ron Hubbard declared:

"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion"

Reader's Digest reprint, May 1980, p.1

You wanna' climb the escalator of life, friends? Start at the bottom (scroll down, both literally and metaphorically... but mostly literally), get out your checkbook, and cross that bridge!

While you're at it, mix some metaphors! All the cool kids are doing it!

OT* LEVELS
Ability gained: As given in the materials of each level

Route to Infinity Lectures
The Perception of Truth Lectures
Secrets of the Mest Universe Lectures
Universes and the War Between Theta and Mest Lectures
The Power of Simplicity Lectures
Exteriorization and the Phenomena of Space Lectures
The Philadelphia Doctorate Course Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 21, 20


OT PREPARATIONS
Ability gained: Set up for Solo and OT levels

The Technical Bulletins of Dianetcs & Scientology
The Saint Hill Special Briefing Course Lectures
The Solution to Entrapment Lectures
The Expansion of Havingness Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 19, 18


CLEAR
Ability gained: A being who no longer has his own reactive mind

Scientology: A History of Man
Scientology 8-80
Scientology 8-8008
Conquest of Chaos Lectures
A Series of Lectures on the Whole Track
The Time Track of Theta: More on the History of Man Lectures
The Origin of Aberration Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 17, 16, 15


NEW ERA DIANETICS (NED)
Ability gained: Clear or a well and happy preclear

Individual Track Map
Have You Lived Before This Life?
Clearing Congress Videos
New Era Dianetics Auditor Course Lectures
A Series of Lectures on the Whole Tracks
The Time Track of Theta: More on the History of Man Lectures
The Origin of Aberration Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 14, 13, 12


GRADE IV Ability Release
Ability gained: Moving out of fixed conditions into ability to do new things

The Creation of Human Ability
Scientology & Ability LectureThe Book of Case Remedies
Academy Level IV Lectures
The Creation of Human Ability Lectures
The Ability Congress Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 11, 10


GRADE III Freedom Release
Ability gained: Freedom from the upsets of the past and ability to face the future

Scientology: 0-8: The Book of Basics
Power of Choice and Self-Determinism Lecture
The Deterioration of Liberty Lecture
Academy Level III Lectures
The Skills of a Theta Being Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 9, 8, 7


GRADE II Relief Release
Ability gained: Relief from the hostilities and sufferings of life

Introduction to Scientology Ethics
Man: Good or Evil? Lecture
Academy Level II Lectures
The Skill of a Theta Being Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 6, 5, 4


GRADE I Problems Release
Ability gained: Ability to recognize the source of problems and make them vanish

Handbook for Preclears
Advanced Procedure & Axioms
Academy Level I Lectures
Anatomy of Cause Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 3, 2


GRADE 0 Communications Release
Ability gained: Ability to communicate freely with anyone on any subject

Dianetics 55!
Science of Survival
Understanding th E-Meter
Academy Level 0 Lectures
The Phoenix Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: 1


ARC STRAIGHTWIRE Recall Release
Ability gained:Knows he/she won't get any worse

Self Analysis
Notes on the Lectures
The Affinity-Reality-Communication Triangle Lecture
Special Course in Human Evaluation Lectures
Games and the Spirit of Play Lectures

TRS & OBJECTIVES AND SCIENTOLOGY DRUG RUNDOWN
Ability gained: Oriented in the present time of the physical universeReleased from harmful effects of drugs, medicine or alcohol

Increasing Efficiency Lecture
The Study Tapes
The New Hubbard Professional TR Course Lectures
Freedom Congress Lectures

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: -1, -2


PURIFICATION RUNDOWN
Ability gained: Freedom from the restimulative effects of drug residuals and other toxins

Purification: An Illustrated Answer to Drugs
Clear Body, Clear Mind: The Effective Purification Program
Purification Rundown Delivery ManualAll About Radiation
Radiation and Your Survival LecturesHealth & Certainty Lecture

AWARENESS CHARACTERISTICS:
TOTAL FREEDOM POWER ON ALL 8 DYNAMICS: -3


BASIC DIANETICS & SCIENTOLOGY MATERIALS
Dianetics: An Education in Yourself cassette
The Basic Dianetics Picture BookBasic Dictionary of Dianetics & Scientology
The Dynamics of Life
Dianetics: The Evolution of a Science
Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health
Dianetics Lectures and Demonstrations cassettes
How to Use Dianetics: A Visual Guidebook to the Human Mind (video)
What Is Scientology?
The Basic Scientology Picture Book
Scientology: The Fundamentals of Thought
A New Slant on Life
The Problem of Work
An Introduction to Acientology (video)
Personal Achivement Series Lectures:Miracles
The Dynamic Principles of Exsistence
Operation Manual for the Mind
The Hope of Man
The Dynamics
The Road to Perfection - The Goodness of Man
The Machinery of the Mind
Man's Relentless Search
Money
Scientology & Effective Knowledge
The Story of Dianetics & Scientology
Differences Between Scientology & Other Studies
The Road to Truth
Formulas for Success - The Five Conditions

▲ THIS IS WHERE YOU START ▲

*Operating Thetan

Never mind the ancillary materials, the audits don't come cheap, but they do come fast and furious. You wanna' reach "Clear?" That'll cost you at least $128,560.00. Of course, you want more than that though, don't you? You think you have what it takes to reach "Operating Thetan VIII?" That'll cost you $277,010.00.

But hey: having lunch at Earthlink's cafeteria with Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley? Priceless.