Yeah, But How Do You Fold It?

Google Maps has introduced "Street View," which basically lets you walk around on the actual roads in the map. It's only available for a few cities right now, but it's pretty much the coolest thing I've ever seen. Still, there's really no reason for it but that someone at Google HQ must have looked out his wondow, leaned back in his chair and mused "I bet we could do that if we tried." That's how we got the hydrogen bomb, and King of Queens. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, just go here, click "Street View" and follow the directions.

UPDATE: Lookee!

No Monocle Required

If you ever wondered how a proper party invitation should look, look no further. Nicole Richie sent the following email invitation for a Memorial Day party she co-hosted Sunday night.

"From: Nicole Richie
Subject: Masha and Nicole's Memorial Day Party


My fellow Americans its that time of year

To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer

Let's stand together as one, live the American dream

Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems

Let's glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans

Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!

There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds
allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!"

This is the same party Mischa Barton attended where she mixed her drugs and alcohol and, according to an insider, "was rolling around on the ground... and then suddenly she began screaming that she was dying." She then passed out and was taken to Sherman Oaks Hospital. So yeah, basically the classiest party ever thrown. I'm surprised the Monopoly Man didn't attend.

Ohhhhhh... One's SO Much Better

A lamb in China was born with two heads, four eyes and two mouths. Which can only mean one thing: twice the cuteness!

NOTE: We have a pal whom a university pays to try to do these things, and all I can say to him now is: god just kicked your ass, dude!

Not So Funny

“The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead.”
~Charles Nelson Reilly, 1/13/31-5/25/07

Man... I loved Charles Nelson Reilly.

Sure, he was an accomplished writer, and okay, he won a Tony Award... but he played Hoodoo in Lidsville, sat next to Brett Summers for years on Match Game, eventually chewed the scenery in the finest X-Files episode ever, Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"... but most importantly, he, my mom and David Letterman taught me all about being funny... even when you don't feel like it.

Here's the thing, though: he was braver and funnier than anyone gave him credit for, and I admired those things about him. Not just that he was those things, but that he never, ever looked for recognition for those traits. If nothing else, you have to give him credit for having the courage to be one of the first openly-gay personas on network television. Think back to his work in the late 70's: The Doris Day Show, The New Dick Van Dyke Show, MacMillan & Wife (no irony there)... was anyone else even opening the dooor of the closet in that arena? Of course, I don't blame anyone for not coming out (I blame a shallow, selfish, stupid society of sycophants and pseudo-moralists, thanks), but that doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve a nod (that he never asked for) and a "thank you" (that he surely never exspected) for opening that door.

He never stopped working (TV, theater, animation voiceovers, etc.), yet he knew that his legacy would be his long afternoons on game shows... and he seemed okay with that. I'd almost say he was resigned to that even while anchoring Match Game for all those years... there was a sad sorta' bravado about him even then... it's like the man said: "Though we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways, on this planet we are all alone."

Fizzilin' Five

I know I'm not the only person who saw the first Fantastic Four film, right? So how on Earth did this sequel get made, anyway?



This new spot for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is at least interesting because it gives us the galactic herald speaking as voiced by Laurence Fishburne, finally connecting the voice and figure. If only phone sex lines would be so gracious.

The whole voice and delivery seem a bit over-the-top and melodramatic to me. What isn't over-the-top is that a silver man is flying on a surfboard.

Gong

If you've never seen those videos where Japanese people dress in black and recreate scenes with Matrix effects, prepare to have your socks blown off. If not a single part of that last sentence made sense to you, just watch the video and you'll understand. Or you won't and you'll be even more confused. Either way, you should probably just give me your credit card information.

Meditation On The Rocks... With A Twist!

Lindsay Lohan (card-carrying member of Alcoholics Anonymous) recently left rehab (as we all -Hasselhoff help us- know) and went straight to the sensible folks at Svedka vodka to get them to sponsor her 21st birthday party in Las Vegas. The deal could allegedly earn Lindsay up to seven figures. Lindsay's sad shell of a lawyer confirmed the vodka deal, saying:

"This should be one of the best parties ever."

Everything about this just sounds like a good idea. Maybe after the party she can rub herself down with steak and play with some tigers. I mean, as long as we're sticking with good ideas and all.

What Did We Ever Do With Paper Before?

LG Philips has developed the world's first electronic paper.

The e-paper is just 0.3 mm thin, and to be energy efficient the display only uses power when the image changes. And, like every other display ever created, it marks another step in man's never-ending quest to find more ways to look at porn. Huzzah, man! Huzzah!

Things That'd Make A Billy Goat Puke

My only reaction to this new shot from John Rambo was, "Yup. That's Rambo all right."

Same guy, same mullet, a little older, a lot puffier, but nothing really new. I don't know what I was hoping for, I'm just saying a glowing cybernetic eye goes a long way.

AC/DC T

Look! A Press release!

"This summer, the battle between the Autobots and Decepticons comes to Earth and you can show which side you’re on with Transformers the Movie light-up t-shirts from Thumbs Up!

Set to hit the shops a few weeks before the film’s launch in July, these new t-shirts feature logos from the Transformers film, including the iconic Autobot and Decepticon insignias, as well as characters like heroic Autobot leader, Optimus Prime, and the evil Megatron, head of the Decepticons.

Transformers t-shirts have been popular ever since the cartoon debuted back in the 1980s, but now a light-up panel brings these new t-shirts to illuminated life!

A small, lightweight battery pack powers five different flashing sequences to make sure that these t-shirts are sure to attract attention! Big summer movie t-shirts are always popular, but there’s never been a range like this before!

Since we hit the 21st century, we’re still all wondering where our jetpacks are, but these t-shirts are a true innovation from Thumbs Up which bring wearable interactive electronic style together with iconic logos and characters. They’re not just awesome, they’re a sign that the future is here!"

That's right, your friends at Thumbs Up have brought you electronic t-shirts. Stay tuned for medication-dispensing athletic supporters and breakfast cereal that complains about its morning while you eat it. Happy 21st century!

What Rough Beast

So by now you've all seen this:

Sure, it's viral marketing for The Dark Knight, and sure, it's just a campaign poster for the guy we know will eventually become Two-Face, but it's still encouraging, and there's something cosmically-balanced about watching that bastard who soulessly sold us cigarettes becoming that bastard who flips a coin to determine our fates, right?

Well, over the weekend, it seems someone hacked that site. The hacker encouraged vistors to register, and enter an X/Y coordinate that he'd email you almost immediately. Turned out, the coordinates were for a single pixel of the poster... so if enough people registered, a new picture would eventually be revealed....

It's too late to have a pixel removed in your name, but check the site out anyway....

Hope you guess his name.

UPDATE: I was told that the page was taken down... well, that's not quite true. Sure, it reads "page not found" now... but highlight that text, and drag down... and tell me what you see.

Oh, and since you can't see that pic now, here it is:

Two Words: Soup Sandwich

The oracle has spoken!

Britney Spears has posted a message on her official site, saying:

"The reason for this letter is to let everyone know that their prayers have truly helped me. I am so blessed that you care enough about me to be concerned and will continue to live in this brighter state with all of you by my side during this trying time. We are all lights of the world and we all need to continuously inspire others and look to the higher power. You are all in my prayers.

Godspeed.
Love, Britney"

I... I mean... what I'm asking... is she... I just... what the hell is she talking about here? And who is she addressing? The glowy, pray-y people? I'm surprised she didn't thank all the unicorns and invite everybody to the party she's throwing on the moon.

O (Captain) Cavemen, My (Captain) Cavemen

I'm ashamed to admit I thought this show was a bad idea.

Here's a clip of ABC's upcoming pilot for Cavemen. "I really like the Cavemen; I thought it was a great idea for a show," said an ABC moron while high on drugs.

Yup, it's based on that Geico commercial. And no, they didn't get the original actor who was really the only good part of those commercials.

ABC says: "Meet Joel, his younger brother Jamie, and his best friend Nick, three cavemen living in modern-day Atlanta. These cavemen continually find themselves at odds with contemporary society as they struggle to overcome their physical appearance and the accompanying stereotypes."

I say: The cavemen should do battle with their arch nemesis, the Noid, who wears a red suit and serves sub-par pizza. "At your door in 30 minutes; save the world."

Paris In The Hard Time

Paris Hilton's psychiatrist says she's "distraught and traumatized" and "fears incarceration" over her 45-day jail sentence, and is using that to get Paris out of testifying in a $10 million slander and libel suit against her by actress Zeta Graff.

"Hilton is facing an order to testify in the civil trial beginning May 21, but the psychiatrist argues that "given (Hilton's) current psychological, and emotional state ... (she's) not capable of any meaningful participation in a trial."

Can you imagine being Paris Hilton's psychiatrist? It doesn't even matter what Paris says, the psychiatrist would just spend the whole time nodding along going "Mmm hmm, mmm hmm" while scribbling "insane" and "More fiber" in their notebook and underlining it. If I was a psychiatrist (which I am) I'd rather have a psychiatrist-eating bear as a patient than have to listen to Paris talk about her problems all day.

Finally

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” ~Woody Allen

The Power Comic

So all day I was running into people who had to ask me how I felt about having comic books almost literally thrown in my face on the latest episode of Heroes.

At first, the question surprised me. The show is a comic book, after all, so what's the harm in a little meta-metaphor between friends? But then it became clear that quite a few of the people who asked what I thought of it were pretty pissed by what they saw as blatant product placement for the new Fantastic Four movie, featuring everybody's favorite, metallic, nude interstellar grimmy, the Silver Surfer.

Me? I don't see it that way at all.

First if all, the show does nothing but pay loving homage to our beloved comic books, and their most revered plots. Linderman's plan to save the world? Right out of Watchmen. Hiro's time traveling adventures? Lifted straight from "Days of the Future Past," a classic Claremont X-Men story. Lots of fans accuse Heroes of exploiting the comics... me, I say the show's creators are dyed-in-the-wool comic book fans rather than wolves in sheep’s clothing.

In the scene everyone kept hounding me about, shape-shifting Candice Wilmer buys macine-washable Micah a huge stack of classic comic books. Silver Surfer #1 is the one Micah goes for, and displays with awe, and if I may say, not nearly enough care. I didn't see it as crass or cheap, but rather as the perfect parallel to Candice herself.

When Micah asks how someone like her could work for someone like Linderman, her belief in Linderman reveals her to be a lot like the Silver Surfer - a noble soul who believes in the fight for a greater good, employed by a monsterous being. Now, we have yet to see if she chooses a path other than the one Linderman set her on... or if she'll epoxy a surf board to her feet and dangle participles every time she speaks, but their fundamental similarities can't be denied.

And if you still aren’t convinced this isn’t more than coincidence, note that Linderman’s building is in Kirby Plaza. Obviously a reference to Jack “The King” Kirby, frequent artistic collaborator and co-plotter with Stan “The Man” Lee.

Among the King's credits with Stan are the Fantastic Four, the original X-Men, the Incredible Hulk, and... wait for it... the Silver Surfer.

So to you fanboys who whine about Heroes not respecting the comics, or not understanding them like you do, I say this: get back in your basement, and get back to bidding on that Magic card on ebay... and try not to speak. And to Tim Kring, Jeph Loeb and the other Heroes masterminds, I have only this to say: Excelsior!

Han Solo Tiglo Semi-Sweet!

Instructables has a tutorial on how to make your own Han Solo in carbonite chocolate bar. Basically you make a mold out of a Star Wars toy and fill it with chocolate. Slightly better than my idea, which was to kidnap Harrison Ford and throw him in a vat of chocolate. Well, maybe not better... but Harrison seems to prefer this method. Wuss.

Kayfabe

I bet all you people who thought professional wrestling was fake are feeling pretty stupid right about now.

Tanned And Popular

Change? Not For You! Not For Anyone!

Yeah, so you think you've seen all the Transformers guys by now, but have you seen them in high resolution? I didn't think so.

I don't really know very much about the Transformers, but at a glance I have to guess this guy above is probably one of the worst, and is probably frequently subjected to whatever the robot equivalent of a wedgie is.