For the elf who has everything!

Aaaauuugghhh! I killed it!

And so this is Christmas.

Tougher Than Leather

Unconceivable, unbelievable
Grammar like a hammer information receivable
Sent by the Lord, here and abroad
with words well adored now they can't be ignored!

Week 13 is here already? Seems like it was just Halloween! So soon? I swear Week 13 arrives sooner and sooner each year.

Last week, though, was Week 12... and you know what? I won!

The force of course that makes Run the boss
so get lost because I just toss a punk
Make way today and if I may I say
I make pay with Jay, so get away OKAY?
Gainin weight, I ate the whole plate today
Never rate the great, I go state to state
Just peep and keep but don't sleep or weep
Get deep to leap or I'll beep the Jeep
Put down the clown, get 'round the town
I found the sound that I pound the ground

Twice!

Get paid and laid, not 'jayed or 'fraid
so I stayed and made, not a bad debate
Got a group to troop, with a shoop de shoop
Shoot hoop then scoop, on this loop to loop
Goin off and off, not soft of course
Just black and back to go back and forth
Go to school and cool, ?? and pull
Got soul and gold and cold hold a jewel
Upset the vet, a vet met a Jet
Just let your ??, and I'll win the bet
Got a punch to crunch, cold munch for lunch
not Grady or the lady from the Brady Bunch

You know what I've learned from fantasy football? Winning is better. The end.

The office Yahoo league. The standings:

*1. San Diego Zoo 10-2-0
*2. Kirk's nightmare 10-2-0
3. Arsenal 7-5-0
4. Last & Least Too 7-5-0
5. Turd Burglars 7-5-0
6. Gotham Knights 7-5-0
7. Super Chargers 6-6-0
8. Budwipers 6-6-0
9. AggieDucks 5-7-0
10. Wade Reeves QB 5-7-0
11. Las Vegas Heat 5-7-0
12. kimpossible 5-7-0
13. The Nation 4-8-0
14. Cyanide 0-12-0

Yeah, so I won! My points still suck, so I need the wins, tell you what! Again: the top 6 teams make the playoffs in the Yahoo league. If I win this week I could finish as high as fourth. It's even possible I could make the playoffs if I lose... but let's not think about that, okay?

Got cheese in Lee's like he's in jeans
Charge Visa freeze, on these with ease
No dope to cope, just good to go
There's hope to Pope, big nope for no
Quite clever and never, we're together forever
Run-D.M.C. and we're "Tougher Than Leather"
Strong and mighty hard as can be??
lie press strong as Dee
Never frightened I'm writin fightin for what's right
Let's keep it ?? in the night I'm creepin with my mic
I got to go for broke, and I ain't no joke
I won't yoke and choke, 'cept you suckers I smoked
Bumrush and crush, leave em in the dust
This is a must to rough, ?? Only strong survive, and the weak will die
As long as I'm alive I keep my head up high
because I'm strong in body, and smart in mind
I was born to rhyme, as a gift to mankind
No punk or chump, never givin no slack
We'll be killin a villain and like chillin, "Yo black!"
I got a ??, it's me you run from
I'm the king I do my things until my Kingdom Come!
cause... I'm Rough and tough, cold huff and puff
Don't bluff the stuff, got enough to rough

So, in the NFL.COM league it seems Nancy's doin' it old school this season, my friends. Her fantasy season (sadly) mirrors my first season many years ago. She started out strong, then fell at the hands of a cruel schedule, and at the whims of player attrition. She is still in it... but it doesn't look great. It looks possible... and even almost... okay, it's possible. She needs the "W" this week... but this week? She's playing our pal Joe..."Juggernaut Joe" as we call him in the kitchen. That isn't to say we call him that when he's in his kitchen... he lives hundreds of miles away (that sucks; thanks Joe), how could we know when he's in his kitchen? No, sillybillies, we call him that when we're standing in our kitchen. Which is really quite often, come to think of it. Which is, really, kinda' odd, since we rarely cook. It is where we keep the beverages though.

Anyway, it's quite a battle there in their division for the wild card spot. Joe took the divison over last week, so he seems a lock for the playoffs (knock wood). It was really impressive, actually. It was a lot like that time Donald Hollinger refused to carry Ann Marie's purse through the lobby of her apartment building. You could just see Joe take command in the Central Division that afternoon, fantasy football fans. And yes, I'm sure if Marlo Thomas had been there, she would have swooned.

Me? Oh, I won. Needed it; got it. Look!

West Division
COSTA RICAN PANTHERS 8-4-0
METRO ALLSTARS 6-5-1
Jimbo 5-7-0
scurvy dawgs 2-10-0

Central Division
Eau Claire Charlatans 9-3-0
blueflames 9-3-0
marauders 7-5-0
San Jose Synecdoche 6-6-0

East Division
Metropolis Meteors 6-6-0
AntiBushTexans 6-6-0
jump 4-8-0
Crawford Vaqueros 3-8-1

Again, my point total sucks... but I'm still ahead of my closest division rival. This week, though, I'm playing him, so if I lose I'll not only lose the #1 spot -and my only shot at the playoffs- I could lose my edge in points. Happily, there's still a week to go in our regular NFL.COM season, so if I do lose, I could still make the playoffs if I win next week... and if he loses. Suddenly the BCS system makes perfect sense to me....

Go long and on, no longer song
Go on and on just for past the dawn
Put preach and teach, with a speech to reach
all streets and each, with beats for treats
Got the King Supreme, may seem the clean
with a beat and a ring, no dream machine
Not a gang to bang, out to hang with slang
talking yang and tang, about everythang
Just brothers and others, like fathers and mothers
who discovered they love us they think that I've been above us
No crime or time, just rhyme and I'm
full grown and own, no phone or dime
Just cut the stuff, til you get enough
'cause we're rougher than tougher and rougher tougher than tough!

Yeah, so another two win week. That's okay. I have to admit to some sheepishness though... I mean, my point totals do suck, and yet I'm this close to the playoffs in the Yahoo league, and battling for #1 in my division in the NFL.COM league while Nancy (who's waaaaay ahead of me in points) dukes it out for the wild card... doesn't seem fair... but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Ah with a voice like thunder, words of wonder
over all standin tall and the suckers fall under
Posessed with power, cowards will cower
Ducks we devour hour hour after hour
Three man riot, you can't deny it
We're so ill that you can't defy it
Gonna live, POSITIVE, forever, AND EVER
Run-D.M.C. and we're Tougher Than Leather!

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Everything is Under Control

The Illuminati is the oldest term commonly used to refer to the 13 bloodline families (and their offshoots) that make up a major portion of this controlling elite. Most members of the Illuminati are also members in the highest ranks of numerous secretive and occult societies which in many cases extend straight back into the ancient world.

The upper levels of the tightly compartmentalized (need-to-know-basis) Illuminati structural pyramid include planning committees and organizations that the public has little or no knowledge of. The upper levels of the Illuminati pyramid include secretive committees with names such as: the Council of 3, the Council of 5, the Council of 7, the Council of 9, the Council of 13, the Council of 33, the Grand Druid Council, the Committee of 300 (also called the "Olympians") and the Committee of 500 among others.

In 1992, Dr John Coleman published Conspirators' Hierarchy: The Story of the Committee of 300. With laudable scholarship and meticulous research, Dr Coleman identifies the players and carefully details the Illuminati agenda of worldwide domination and control. On page 161 of the Conspirators' Hierarchy, Dr Coleman accurately summarizes the intent and purpose of the Committee of 300 thusly:

"A One World Government and one-unit monetary system, under permanent non-elected hereditary oligarchists who self-select from among their numbers in the form of a feudal system as it was in the Middle Ages. In this One World entity, population will be limited by restrictions on the number of children per family, diseases, wars, famines, until 1 billion people who are useful to the ruling class, in areas which will be strictly and clearly defined, remain as the total world population.

"There will be no middle class, only rulers and the servants. All laws will be uniform under a legal system of world courts practicing the same unified code of laws, backed up by a One World Government police force and a One World unified military to enforce laws in all former countries where no national boundaries shall exist. The system will be on the basis of a welfare state; those who are obedient and subservient to the One World Government will be rewarded with the means to live; those who are rebellious will simple be starved to death or be declared outlaws, thus a target for anyone who wishes to kill them. Privately owned firearms or weapons of any kind will be prohibited."

Consider that what most Americans believe to be "Public Opinion" is in reality carefully crafted and scripted propaganda designed to elicit a desired behavioral response from the public. Public opinion polls are really taken with the intent of gauging the public's acceptance of the Illuminati's planned programs. A strong showing in the polls tells the Illuminati that the programing is "taking", while a poor showing tells the NWO manipulators that they have to recast or "tweak" the programming until the desired response is achieved. While the thrust and content of the propaganda is decided at Tavistock, implementation of the propaganda is executed in the United States by well over 200 'think tanks' such as the Rand Corporation and the Brookings Institute which are overseen and directed by the top NWO mind control organization in the United States, the Stanford Research Institute (SRI) in Menlo Park, California.

You are a target market.

Flattened Earth Society.

Booby steps.

Simon sez....

Holy Mother of God

Happy holidays! Pass the ammo!

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, pausing in their efforts to fill their swimming pool with beef jerky, have transformed their son Sean Preston's bedroom into the nativity setting for his first Christmas. The gaudy (would you expect anything less?) decorations include six waxwork models and several life-size toy donkeys and some cows. Britney is so excited that she even bought a cherrywood-style ("Why not Cherrywood?" you ask? I dunno... 'cause she speaks for the trees?) manger for her baby. A source close to Britney said, "It cost an absolute fortune. But at least she didn't have to buy a baby Jesus - because Sean is playing the part."

Considering that any baby's Christmas list consists entirely of 1) food, 2) warmth, and 3) crapping everywhere, blowing thousands of dollars on worthless Christmas decorations seems kinda' dumb. Britney could tape a cardboard box to his head and he'd be just as happy. Hell, Britney could tape a cardboard box to her own head and be just as happy. And if, instead of taping cardboard to her head, she taped herself to the underside of a bus, then I'd be just as happy. And then I'd cross off items 1 through 75 on my Christmas list.

The power of Christ compels you.

Weapon of Choice.

Dream a Little Meme

From Wikipedia:

The term meme ([miːm] in the IPA; rhymes with "dream"; from the Greek word mimema for 'something imitated') first came into popular use with the publication of the book The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins in 1976. Though Dawkins defined the meme as "a unit of cultural transmission, or a unit of imitation," memeticists vary in their definitions of meme. The lack of a consistent, rigorous and precise definition of a meme remains one of the principal criticisms leveled at memetics, the study of memes.

The notion of a unit of social evolution, and a similar term (from Greek mneme, 'memory'), first appeared in 1904 in a work by the German evolutionary biologist Richard Semon: Die Mnemische Empfindungen in ihren Beziehungen zu den Originalenempfindungen, translated into English in 1921 as The Mneme.

Different definitions of meme generally agree, very roughly, that a meme consists of some sort of a self-propagating unit of cultural evolution having a resemblance to the gene (the unit of genetics). Dawkins introduced the term after writing that evolution depended not on the particular chemical basis of genetics, but only on the existence of a self-replicating unit of transmission — in the case of biological evolution, the gene. For Dawkins, the meme exemplifies another self-replicating unit, and most importantly, one which he thought would prove useful in explaining human behavior and cultural evolution.

In casual use, the term meme often refers to any piece of information passed from one mind to another. In this sense, it is closely related to folklore (as it is studied in the academy), in that folkloristics deals with the informal communication of cultural information. This usage more closely resembles the analogy of "language as a virus" than Dawkins' analogy of memes as replicating units. This definition has come into popular use on the Internet to refer to phenomena such as Obey Giant, "All your base are belong to us", Blogebrity and Icy Hot Stuntaz.

Good, clean fun.

Super spic n' span man.

I expected more from a varsity Letterman.

Crystal meth persuasion.

Ghost rider in the sky.

Philomath is where I go.

I woulda' just paid... but that's me.

Juiced

These last few weeks have been killing me!

Week 11? Two contests, two losses. Dammit.

In the office Yahoo league, the playoffs go like this: we play 13 games, and the last three games of the regular season are our fantasy playoffs. The top 6 teams compete for the championship. As of today, I'm in 7th. Take a gander:

*1. Kirk's nightmare 10-1-0
*2. San Diego Zoo 9-2-0
3. Arsenal 6-5-0
4. Turd Burglars 6-5-0
5. Budwipers 6-5-0
6. Last & Least Too 6-5-0
7. Gotham Knights 6-5-0
8. Super Chargers 5-6-0
9. AggieDucks 5-6-0
10. Wade Reeves QB 5-6-0
11. Las Vegas Heat 5-6-0
12. kimpossible 5-6-0
13. The Nation 3-8-0
14. Cyanide 0-11-0

That asterisk beside the 1st and 2nd teams? That means they've clinched playoff berths. Creeps. The worse news? I have to play the #2 team next week in our final regular season game. Yeah, it's safe to say my fingers are crossed. No more prayers, thanks... we saw how that worked out going into this week. Did I mention? TWO LOSSES THIS WEEK! Yeah, thanks God.

With the right win/loss scenarios (and naturally, a win for me would be helpful) I could leap as high as fourth in the rankings this week... you know what? Why don't you go ahead and cross your fingers too?

Meanwhile, down in the Hundred Acre Wood... that's right! A loss! Take a look! I double-dog dare you!

East Division
Metropolis Meteors 5-6-0
AntiBushTexans 5-6-0
jump 4-7-0
Crawford Vaqueros 3-7-1

Central Division
blueflames 9-2-0
Eau Claire Charlatans 8-3-0
marauders 6-5-0
San Jose Synecdoche 6-5-0

West Division
COSTA RICAN PANTHERS 7-4-0
METRO ALLSTARS 5-5-1
Jimbo 5-6-0
scurvy dawgs 2-9-0

I was amazed to wake up to first place in my divsion on Tuesday morning, tell you what. I'm still the point-leader in the division... hopefully that'll hold up, 'cause I'm on a losing streak in the ol' NFL.COM league, and that 12-point lead I have on the teams I'm tied with is all that's keeping me in playoff contention kids.

The playoff scenario here is a little different. Here we play 14 games during the regular season. Then 4 teams make the playoffs: the leader in each division, and one wild card team (the team with the highest score who didn't win its division). Joe tends to win the wild card slot... it's like a tradition, really. If I don't win my division, I'm screwed, 'cause while I may be point-leader in my division, I'm waaaaaay behind many other teams in the league, including Nancy & Joe. They, by the way, could duke it out for the wild card slot... unless Joe kicks the shit out of their divison leader this week... which is likely.

Speaking of Nancy, her fantasy luck has been not-so-good the last few weeks... we've both been losing kinda' a lot. I should point out that while she's dropped to last in her division, her winn/loss record is actually better than mine. Her luck in the latter part of the season is just like my luck in the last two seasons: she's trapped in the toughest division in the league. She's still in the playoff race, though... she's the '02, '03, '04 and '05 Seahawks of our fantasy football league: Where there's life, there's hope. Of course the Seahawks don't have Nancy's indomintable spirit, so yeah... there's a really good chance she'll make the playoffs... and with luck, our teams will go head-to-head in the post season.

Oh yeah... that should be fun.