Parents! Do you spoil your kids? You shouldn't. Which is exactly why you should buy this $75 TIE Fighter playset for yourself and never let them touch touch it.

Rope it off in the corner of the living room and sit in it making PEW PEW PEWs while they stare longingly at all the fun you're having. Ask them who wants to play space battle and then tell them you've changed your mind and you'd trade either one of them for a new lawnmower in a heartbeat. Then, send them to bed with no dinner. It's what my parents did, and look how great I turned out.

Lookee!

Even Less Than Meets The Eye

By now, really, it should go without saying that Michael Bay is something of a turd. There's already plenty of turd evidence to support that theory, and I don't think anyone -including Bay himself- is really disputing the notion, but just in case you find yourself in a conversation where you need the additional support of a turdy email to prove that Michael Bay really is something of a turd, fellow turd TMZ has this report on a turdy email the director sent:

"Michael Bay sent a scathing email to Paramount Studios before the release of "Transformers 2," complaining in effect that his famous director friends would be shocked at the way Paramount was promoting the flick.

"We've obtained an email dated May 4, 2009 -- from Bay to Paramount head Brad Grey, along with a bunch of other Paramount honchos. Bay complains bitterly that Paramount's ad campaign for "Transformers 2" was tepid and ineffective.

" "... I have been waiting, and waiting for the anticipation of an 'event movie' to make it into the 'public zeitgeist,'" Bay writes.

"Bay calls the print campaign an "abject failure," with a "pathetic presence" in the L.A. Times. He's especially pissed about the profile of the movie on the MTV Video Awards, calling it "so lame." "

"But here's the best part. Bay name-drops Jerry Bruckheimer, saying Jerry always told him "a studio that does not make [the opening of a movie] an event ... will get bitten in the ass." He then adds, "Besides my good friend Steven [Spielberg], Jerry has made a lot more successful movies then (sic) all of us." "

Why isn't Transformers 2 in the public zeitgeist, guys!? SO LAME. If this were a Stevesy -Spielberg, heard of him?- film, it would definitely be in the public zeitgeist. That print campaign was just so lame. Everyone knows print is the way of the future, so that really should have been the focus for this public zeitgeist event, you lame-heads.

Turd.

What About Bob?

All Shook Up

Now, technically, the world's largest alarm clock is actually the sun, but I'll look past that for the sake of this sorry bastard, who's convinced he's made the largest. Now I don't want to ruin the video for you, but there is absolutely no way he originally designed that as an alarm

Picky

Everything Old Is... Robots!

This?



This is a news report from the future. For you doubters of our potential robotic overlords, I'll accept your apologies now. The line starts to the left of the butter churn.

Not! Not! Not!

It's To The Stars We Are Flyin'!

Not Just Another John

Nom, Nom! Pew! Pew!

And, Here's Bob!

Uh Oh! It's Magic!

Scary Monsters

At least we know who the super creeps are now....

In one of the sickest and twistedest (that's right... "twistedest". What're you lookin' at?) announcements I've read in, well, ever, programmers attending the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers symposium will attempt to program AI to destroy us all in a game of DEFCON.

"Part of the symposium is a sort of "Turing Test" challenge, in which contestants program an AI to play a videogame. The objective is to try to trick a panel of human judges into thinking the AI is a human player.

"This year's videogame is DEFCON, the brilliant nuclear war strategy game from indie developer Introversion.

A group of talented programmers will pitch their DEFCON bot against enemy bots in a series of one-on-one thermonuclear chess games. The winner is the programmer whose bot successfully annihilates its opponents and racks up the highest death count. IEEE is offering a $500 prize to the deadliest DEFCON AI bot competition winner."

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Like I don't have enough to worry about without people programming artificial intelligence to kill us all. You KNOW the robots are behind this.I... I'm done. When the robots come for you, don't be calling me complaining about the noise and death rays and junk. I won't answer. I mean it this time.

Play: Now More Than Ever.

Again! Again! Click! Play!

No Rube

Click! Play! Repeat!

These Are NOT The Droids You're Looking For

So... this is a four-minute video of robots with guns. Some of it is CG, some is real footage, but all of it is a vision of the future. Now watch it and tell me you're cool with it.



Happy robot apocalypse everyone!

Significant Rex

One Giant Step Closer...

Do we have to hasten the robot apocalypse? Really?

Well then, nice work, Japan. A giant freaking Gundam -- I was tired of living anyways. You know, you're really flirting with fire here. Like that time I tried to make out with a candle and almost set my pornstache ablaze.

"To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the mecha anime/manga/toy/video game franchise, this 18-meter-tall (59-foot-tall) RX-78 has been erected.

Fifty points on the Gundam statue will emit light, and mist will shoot out of 14 different points on the statue. The 1/1 scale Gundam boasts a moveable head and a continuous stream of oh-man-this-is-so-damn-cool."

Now I'm not saying this thing is gonna come alive, go rogue, and destroy Japan, but it is.

It's Betty White's World

We just live in it.

Sarah? Not So Much Smiles.

UPDATE: Oh, goody. Sarah Palin responded Thursday morning to Dave's invitation to appear on his show in a statement to Foxnews.com: ""The Palins have no intention of providing a rating's boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show," the statement read. "Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman."