Throw It! Throw it!

Superman: 5, Clerks: 2

Unnecessary Toughness

The National Enquirer has apologized to Britney Spears for running two different stories saying her marriage to Kevn Federline was over. They write:

"Contrary to what our articles might have suggested, we now accept that their marriage is not over and they are not getting divorced. These allegations are untrue and we now accept Britney's position that the statements are without foundation. We apologize for any distress caused."

The fact that the National Enquirer felt it necessary to apologize for one of their stories means they actually take themselves seriously. And that makes me sad. They're about as credible a news source as Mad TV, only with less fact checking. The only time they'd ever need to apologize for a story is if their paper somehow came alive and started murdering young children. And even then people would just sort of shrug and say, "Dude, it's just the National Enquirer."

Beat down.

Violence never solved anything... but maybe this time....

Hell for leather.

"You aren't alive anywhere like you're alive at fight club.... Fight club isn't about winning or losing fights. Fight club isn't about words. You see a guy come to fight club for the first time, and his ass is a loaf of white bread. You see this same guy here six months later, and he looks carved out of wood. This guy trusts himself to handle anything. There's grunting and noise at fight club like at the gym, but fight club isn't about looking good. There's hysterical shouting in tongues like at church, and when you wake up Sunday afternoon you feel saved."
~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Fancy pants.

40

"I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...."
~U2, 40

Jefferson! I Think We're Lost!

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." ~Anais Nin

The Golden Road

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." ~Clarence Darrow

Top Of The Pops

"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
~H.L. Mencken

Do Not Go Quietly

Superman's Midlife Crisis

Words and Music Copyright © by Joe Giacoio

"Superman waits at an airport
Watching the outbound flights
He remembers the day when he first broke free
When the ground fell away like a trick of the light

But now he only flies when saves up the miles
He watches his weight, his cholesterol
Because he traded his tights for blue pin stripes
And no one calls him Superman anymore

Chorus
Up, Up, and Away, TWA
I used to fly free at night
But love is kryptonite
Who'd believe I'd give that all away?

Now he turns around to an old reflex
A young girl's heart beats an SOS
So he whips off his glasses, sets his collar free
And says, "This is a job for who I used to be".

He still wears his cape hidden under his clothes
Just in case, but this time he knows
You can't turn back the clock for a quick trip home
And you can't change clothes behind a cellular phone

Chorus

But Spiderman took a job in accounting
Now he only punches 9 to 5
Batman sold his soul
For a leading man role
And it's no fun playing make believe
When your friends grow up and move away

Superman feels the beat
Of a question mark, where an "S" used to be
When the luggage starts to twirl around
And he feels two hearts seek him out In the crowd

"Daddy, Oh, how we missed you
We flew all the way, just like you
Won't you tell me your stories again tonight?"
As his fears fall away like a trick of the light

Up, up and away
Lois Lane
Because in her heart he flies
She'll call him Superman tonite
You know he'll never give this all away"

The Passion Of The Nerds

Tie The Knot? Or Not?

Life & Style is reporting that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are engaged after Vaughn proposed during their recent trip to Paris to promote The Break-Up! Could you believe it?

Jennifer, they say, has invited Brad Pitt's mom to the wedding and Vince is trying to get in shape for the big day, with Jen telling a friend: "He's started the Zone diet, and he's working out. He looks great." They say she's waiting for the heat over Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's baby to die down before trading vows, although an insider insists she's getting serious about her wedding plans, saying: "Jen's already asked Courteney Cox to be her matron of honor."

The source is Life & Style so I wouldn't take the news too seriously. When you make up half your stories it's pretty easy to forget when you're telling the truth. Why, ust the other day I paid a homeless guy $20 to tell me Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a mop. And now I can write with the utmost confidence that a source exclusively revealed to me that Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a mop. Bad reporting... or the shocking truth?

Dance, K-Fed! Dance!

Salad? Taco? Genius!

Genius... and a man of it.

Really, really, really... ummm... geniusy.