Be afraid. Be very afraid.

What would you do?

Family Values: Now More Than Ever

So fine!

"Assassins and presidents invite the same basic question: Just who do you think you are?"
~Sarah Vowell

I wonder what it would be like to actually have a giant magnifying glass so that I could melt people. I bet it would be all sorts of fun. At first they'd be all, "No, don't melt me!" But then I'd melt them and they wouldn't say anything else because they'd be melted.

MMPong.

Touch me, I'm Dick.

Farewell to Arms.

It's Dave's World...

Top Ten Things I, Peter Griffin, Would Like To Say To America:

10. "If George Bush had Dick Cheney's first name, his name would be Dick Bush and I'll tell you I'd listen to a lot more of his speeches"
9. "Did the Patriot Act take care of Mujibur and Sirajul?"
8. "Shouldn't Crystal Bernard be in 'Playboy' by now... I mean we did our part and sat through seven seasons of 'Wings'"
7. "Laura Bush killed a guy"
6. "This is the best moment in television since Mr. Belvedere sat on his own nuts and fainted"
5. "Did you know Jim Belushi had a brother who was in TV, too?"
4. "Hey Ben Affleck and Matt Damon we're all still waiting on that second Oscar-winning script"
3. "I have always wanted to do this...ladies and gentlemen, the Max Weinberg Seven"
2. "If Jay Leno makes you laugh, chances are I don't care for you as a person"
1. "We should all buy more American-made products which at last check are down to porn and cheeseburgers"

At last!

Sony has finally released an official image for Spider-Man 3 featuring Spider-Man wearing his infamous black costume. When my friend Jeff started wearing black, he couldn't stop attaching chains and safety pins to himself, or writing bad poetry and listening to a lot of Morrissey. Spidey had different issues.

For those of you who didn't spend your childhood reading comic books and mastering the Atari 2600, the black costume implies that Spider-Man will be facing his archrival Venom, who sports an alien symbiote that merges with its host to give him that black costume with all its alien symbiote powers.

Damn you, childhood. Damn you all to hell.

Brought to you by the letter "R" and the number "2."

You know, he once shot a Fraggle in Reno, just to see him die.

You Damn Dirty Ape!

What can't this administration get away with in the name of national security?

Congress passed the "Patriot Act" in the name of security. When Dubya's domestic-spying program was revealed, Americans were told, once again, that the government did what it had to do to keep us secure.

Hell, Bushites continue to justify the invasion of Iraq -which had nothing to do with September 11th- as part of its war on terrorism.

But now, in an act that would seemingly send the terror alerts off the charts, the White House has approved an almost $7 billion deal that would place the nation's most critical ports in the hands of an Arab state with known ties to the September 11th hijackers. And just today? Today the White House tells us that Dubya had no knowledge of this deal 'till it hit the news. Is that supposed to make us feel better, or worse about our Stammerer in Chief?

Yeah... so much for national security.

For years, security experts have complained that our nation's seaports are the most vulnerable, and yet least protected, areas when it comes to national security. America's ports handle 2 billion tons of freight each year, according to the Investor's Business Daily, but only 5 percent (that's 100,000,000. Thanks Google!) of containers are inspected upon arrival.

But rather than strengthening port security, the Treasury Department's Committee on Foreign Investment in the United States (say that five times fast!) has approved a deal that would grant management of the ports in New York, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Miami, Baltimore and New Orleans to Dubai Ports World. Dubai is a small state included in the United Arab Emirates, where much of the operations and finances for al Qaeda were based pre-September 11th.

If Dubya refuses to stop the deal, Congress must step in to ensure that the threat of terrorism that our government has repeatedly warned us about is not something that, in this case, it helped to import. Honestly, when did it become Congress' job to stand by and let the Executive Branch run roughshod over the needs of the nation, and hopes of the world? Why do we tolerate a Chief Executive who clearly sees Congress as "quaint?"

Seems to me, a President truly interested in bipartisan cooperation and the good of the nation would -instead of using his first veto on such a boneheaded cause- make the bill unnecessary by, oh I don't know... acting on his own to undo the ports deal.

Despite what the Hannitys and Coulters will tell you, Congress is right to resist the ports deal. The United Arab Emirates is an ally, sure, but its record in the war on terror is mixed at best. It is not irrational or "politicking" for the United States to resist putting port operations, arguably the most vulnerable part of our security infrastructure, under that country's control. Mary, Mary! Under any other country's control! It's the same reason I don't let my sister warehouse my comics in her garage: they don't mean half as much to her; why would I expect her to take the same care of them that I would?

Finally, what just knocks me on my ass about this situation is that Dubyaco has never hesitated to sacrifice individual rights in favor of "security," but it has been loath to do the same thing when it comes to business interests.

Why do we keep putting up with this? We're smarter than that... right?


(Thnx for the quiz, Scott!)

Lego genius!

Lego game us!

Schwimmereads.

A storm is coming. Our storm....

Paar for the course.

Dumber than 1,000 suns.