The Brit Is Back

Hey y'all! Britney's in Rolling Stone!

Here's what our li'l trailer park princess had to say:

On her new subdued life: "I feel like an old person now," she says one afternoon, as a manicurist applies rhinestones and girly pink lacquer to her chewed-up nails. "I do! I go to bed at, like, 9:30 every night, and I don't go out or anything, you know what I mean? I just feel like an old fart."

On her appearance: She says she's considering lopping off the weave she's worn since shaving her head in 2007, and when she counts up her tattoos — "Seven! Oh, my God, y'all!" — she falls back into the couch giggling, kicking her feet in the air.

On her dad's iron fist: She is watched over day and night by security guards Jamie hired (and she's paying for); it's also rumored that Britney's phone calls are closely monitored and that she's not allowed to drive her own Mercedes. Recently, says one source with ties to the Britney camp, Jamie fired a guard who let the singer use his phone. (Her rep denies the claim.

On Kevin Federline: "They don't look like their father at all," she continues. "And it's weird 'cause they're starting to learn words like 'stupid,' and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn't get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids."

Oh, wow, that's fucking awesome: Britney Spears criticizing Kevin Federline's parenting. Amazing. First, it was her dad completely turning her life around and saving her from lying dead in a ditch of crazy. Now, it's Kevin Federline, who may be a douche, but he didn't use their sons as coasters.

And the worst part? She's put me on K-Fed's side. Oh, the humanity.

11/12

It's 100% Somethin' Alright....

So, sigh... Arkansas native Phillip Sherman and his wife Tina are suing McDonald's because -they claim- Phillip left his cell phone at a restaurant and the naked photos of his wife that were on it headed straight for the interwebs.

"The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home (due to alleged stalkers).

The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned."

Now I hate to call the Shermans liars and cheats, but they most certainly are. Chili finger, anyone?

"Our Future Begins Here."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Battlestar Galactica is the best show on TV. Even now, when it's weeks away from being on TV. That's how great it is.

Check out the SciFi trailer for the final 10.

This Just In....

Yipee Kai-Yay, Motherf@#*er

This is God's Facebook page from the time of Genesis. Unfortunately, I only have these screenshots of it because this particular ghost rider in the sky won't accept my friendship request (click 'em to embiggen).

World Leaders Don't Pretend

And let me make it good....

I Like To Watch

This new Watchmen trailer is going to knock you on your nerdy ass. It will knock your books out of your arms, shove you in a locker, and make you do its homework.

It's A Trap!

Chilly Pig Bits!

Hey kids! Now you can make your own delicious candied bacon ice cream by following the simple instructions over at David Lebovitz's website. I don't really want to go into details, but for you stoners out there: it's a little more complicated than just adding Bac~O's to vanilla ice cream. Which is, like, totally about to happen!

"The Wait Is Over..."

Holy crap! Click the pic! Click the pic! Click the pic! Click the pic! Click the pic!

Thorne? Not On Her Side.

David Thorne didn't have the $233.95 to pay an overdue account. So what did he do? What anyone would do. He submitted a picture of a spider he drew instead. So what happened next? Read on! (click to embiggen!)

That Sense Of... Enterprise

You know which character in the original Star Trek got the most fan mail? By a wide margin, it was the Enterprise. No lie. And if you're thinking that she wasn't a "character," then you're thinking wrong.

JJ Abrams' Star Trek reboot hits theaters this May. His re-imagined Enterprise? That hits computer monitors all over the world riiiiiiiiiiight about... now.

No Boy Toys

Behold! These are the set of "while they're away" rules Madonna sent Guy Ritchie whose sons, Rocca and David, are with him in London.

So, basically Guy Ritchie has to carry his kids around in a shoebox (made of 100% recycled materials) full of Kashi and Madonna books while his kids "enjoy" their stay in London. Huh. Why do I have a feeling that when the kids get back to Madonna's compound it'll be all Wienerschnitzel and water slides?

The Problem Is, Now He Has To Go Home

So a couple days ago Britney Spears' two-year-old son Jayden was rushed to a Mississippi ER after reportedly suffering a seizure. Britney had just arrived in Louisiana on Friday to celebrate the holiday with her family marking the first time she was allowed to take the boys out of the state since Kevin Federline gained primary custody. That lasted 24 hours. The Daily Mail reported:

"Jayden James was raced to the emergency ward after lapsing into a 'vague and unresponsive' state.

"The toddler fell ill yesterday afternoon at the family home in Kentwood, Louisiana. The entire Spears clan made the 25-mile dash to Southwest Mississippi Regional Medical Centre, Mississippi.

"Doctors were unable to pinpoint the problem straight away and kept the toddler in for overnight observation. Distraught Britney, 26, refused to leave his side and asked for a bed next to him in the ward.

"Her ex-husband, rapper Kevin Federline, is now believed to be making plans to jet out of Los Angeles to be at Jayden's bedside."

First off, in all seriousness, everyone hoped for the best for little Jayden, and the good news is he's just fine. In the meantime, let's be honest: you know when the doctors said "We're not quite sure what the problem is..." everyone in the hospital turned and looked at Britney.

If The Accident Will

Today's Other Highlight in History:

On Nov. 11, 1918, fighting in World War I came to an end with the signing of an armistice between the Allies and Germany.

On This Date:

In 1620, 41 Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower, anchored off Massachusetts, signed a compact calling for a "body politick.''

In 1831, former slave Nat Turner, who'd led a violent insurrection, was executed in Jerusalem, Va.

In 1889, Washington became the 42nd state.

In 1918, the Second Polish Republic declared its independence.

In 1921, the remains of an unidentified American service member were interred in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery in a ceremony presided over by President Harding.

In 1966, Gemini 12 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, Fla., with astronauts James A. Lovell and Edwin ``Buzz'' Aldrin Jr. aboard.

In 1968, the Republic of Maldvies was declared.

In 1983, President Reagan became the first U.S. chief executive to address the Diet, Japan's national legislature.

In 1988, police in Sacramento, Calif., found the first of seven bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Landlady Dorothea Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people; she was convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison.

In 2004, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat died at a military hospital in Paris at age 75.

Ten years ago: President Clinton ordered warships, planes and troops to the Persian Gulf as he laid out his case for a possible attack on Iraq. Iraq, meanwhile, showed no sign of backing down from its refusal to deal with U.N. weapons inspectors. Israel's Cabinet narrowly ratified a land-for-peace agreement with the Palestinians.

Five years ago: President Bush's top foreign advisers summoned L. Paul Bremer, Iraq's U.S. administrator, for hurried White House talks focused on their growing frustrations with the Iraqi Governing Council and a logjam in transferring political power to Iraqis. In Galveston, Texas, millionaire Robert Durst was found not guilty of murdering Morris Black, an elderly neighbor whom Durst said he'd killed accidentally. Toronto's Roy Halladay won the American League Cy Young Award.

One year ago: President Gen. Pervez Musharraf said Pakistan would stick to its January schedule for parliamentary elections, but set no time limit on emergency rule. Marking his fifth Veterans Day since the invasion of Iraq, President Bush honored U.S. troops past and present at a tearful ceremony in Texas.

Today's Birthdays: Dancer-choreographer Nicholas Royce is 83. Comedian Jonathan Winters is 83. Jazz singer-musician Mose Allison is 81. Author Carlos Fuentes is 80. Country singer Narvel Felts is 70. Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., is 68. Rock singer-musician Vince Martell (Vanilla Fudge) is 63. Golfer Fuzzy Zoeller is 57. Pop singer-musician Paul Cowsill (The Cowsills) is 56. Rock singer-musician Andy Partridge (XTC) is 55. Singer Marshall Crenshaw is 55. Rock singer Dave Alvin is 53. Rock musician Ian Craig Marsh (Human League; Heaven 17) is 52. Actor Stanley Tucci is 48. Actress Demi Moore is 46. Actress Calista Flockhart is 44. Actor Philip McKeon is 44. Rock musician Scott Mercado is 44. TV personality Carson Kressley is 39. Actor David DeLuise is 37. Actor Adam Beach is 36. Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is 34. Rock musician Jonathan Pretus (Cowboy Mouth) is 27. Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. was born on November 11, 1922.

Happy anniversary!

6/12

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

A new Watchmen poster!

Huh. Is it just me, or does this image look strangely familiar?

Just me, I guess.

No One Is Easing Down That Road

While you were sleeping a group of sickos at Carnegie Mellon have decided to automate the world's largest truck, a 3,550-horsepower, 700-ton behemoth designed to haul 240-ton loads. "Why?" you ask? Because they hate the future, that's why.

"'Autonomous vehicle technology is pretty much in its infancy,' said Tony Stentz, a professor at CMU involved in the project. Stentz expects that over the next five to 10 years, the technology will expand to areas beyond mining, eventually finding its way into consumer cars and trucks."

Autonomous vehicle technology. That. Sounds. Great. Seriously, this is bad news. You know what happens when a 700-ton robot truck gets road rage? Nothing good.

It IS A Super Obama World! It IS!

Lookee!

It's soon to be 44th U.S. President Barack Obama in Super Obama World! You run around in Alaska stomping pigs, collecting American flags and not buying clothes. It wasn't the worst game I've ever played, but that's only because I've had games played with my heart. True story.

You're... Welcome?

A $13 mouse pad that looks like a welcome mat?

Great day in the morning! What will they think of next? And could it possibly be half as stupid as this?

I'm sure I won't be disappointed.

The Rebirth Of Fools

And now, back to the business of the nation.

So, as we all know Paris Hilton (our beloved de-evolutionary sweetheart) has been paying more and more visits to David Letterman's Late Show recently... and I gotta' tell you, I'm starting to love these Paris/Dave interviews. Mostly because he drops a ton of backhanded, snarky compliments, and she just giggles like a doll-eyed, vapid mountain of dumb. But I did learn something: it turns out 300,000 people auditioned for Paris Hilton's My New BFF. That's over a quarter of a million Americans who think hanging out with the human equivalent of a Port-A-John is the zenith of living.

And you wonder why I was so worried about the election?

"We As A People Will Get There"

You Are America

VOTE!

Did you experience any voting weirdness? REPORT IT! 1-866-OUR-VOTE!

And now a word from our sponsor:

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6/12

Make It Work!

How Many Chickens?

Nobody knows. And no, no one is counting. Not yet.

'till Tuesday

It's Time For The Big Giveaway!

I Gotta Rock

Hope: The Undiscovered Country

So Say We All

8/12

The Beast With 881 Backs

Thanks to Thrill the World we now have a new world record for the most synchronized dancers popping and lurching to a song that even after over 20 years still annoys the crap out of me.



In these times of great strife, it's good to know that at least this was accomplished. That's right, America! We can do it!

Departing Of The Red Sea*

Nancy & I went to the Seahawks/49ers game this afternoon. 34-13 Seahawks, thank you very much.

I'd like to point out that the Hawks have never lost a game I've attended. Those of you reading this who happen to work in the Seahawks back office, and who might be inclined to send me tickets... I'm just sayin'.

*Pun courtesy of Nancy, deep in the 4th quarter, as we watched most of the morose home crowd march for the exits.

Goils Were Goils And Men Were Men

All I need in my vigilante movies:

1. One pissed off old guy (preferably Clint Eastwood) snarling like an angry Muppet.

2. One pissed off old guy (preferably Clint Eastwood) snarling like an angry Muppet and waving around his finger gun.

3. One pissed off old guy (preferably Clint Eastwood) snarling like an angry Muppet and occasionally washing his classic car.



Now that's violently taking the law into your own shriveled hands!

Dogs Of Robot/Human War

The Pentagon recently put out a request to contractors to build a "Multi-Robot Pursuit System" to "search for and detect a non-cooperative human." I'm not the brightest bulb in the shed, but something about that sounds... what's the woooooord... bad to me.

"What we have here are the beginnings of something designed to enable robots to hunt down humans like a pack of dogs. Once the software is perfected we can reasonably anticipate that they will become autonomous and become armed.

"We can also expect such systems to be equipped with human detection and tracking devices including sensors which detect human breath and the radio waves associated with a human heart beat. These are technologies already developed."

You thought I was half kidding about the robot apocalypse thing, didn't you? Well I wasn't. I was whole not kidding. Run for the hills! Oh, and also? If a couple of you slow runners could distract the metallic beasts with some blatantly uncooperative behavior while the rest of us reach the treeline, that'd be great.

You Down With Opie C?

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Don't Be A Jerk

"Separate but equal" never, ever equals equal.

No on 8.

Do something. Donate.

All In

"As mass production has to be accompanied by mass consumption, mass consumption, in turn, implies a distribution of wealth — not of existing wealth, but of wealth as it is currently produced — to provide men with buying power equal to the amount of goods and services offered by the nations economic machinery. [Emphasis in original.]

"Instead of achieving that kind of distribution, a giant suction pump had by 1929-30 drawn into a few hands an increasing portion of currently produced wealth. This served them as capital accumulations. But by taking purchasing power out of the hands of mass consumers, the savers denied to themselves the kind of effective demand for their products that would justify a reinvestment of their capital accumulations in new plants. In consequence, as in a poker game where the chips were concentrated in fewer and fewer hands, the other fellows could stay in the game only by borrowing. When their credit ran out, the game stopped.

"That is what happened to us in the twenties. We sustained high levels of employment in that period with the aid of an exceptional expansion of debt outside of the banking system. This debt was provided by the large growth of business savings as well as savings by individuals, particularly in the upper-income groups where taxes were relatively low. Private debt outside of the banking system increased about fifty per cent. This debt, which was at high interest rates, largely took the form of mortgage debt on housing, office, and hotel structures, consumer installment debt, brokers' loans, and foreign debt. The stimulation to spending by debt-creation of this sort was short-lived and could not be counted on to sustain high levels of employment for long periods of time. Had there been a better distribution of the current income from the national product — in other words, had there been less savings by business and the higher-income groups and more income in the lower groups — we should have had far greater stability in our economy. Had the six billion dollars, for instance, that were loaned by corporations and wealthy individuals for stock-market speculation been distributed to the public as lower prices or higher wages and with less profits to the corporations and the well-to-do, it would have prevented or greatly moderated the economic collapse that began at the end of 1929."

~Marriner S. Eccles, 1957 (Chairman of the Federal Reserve, 1934-1948)

9/12

Stay Little Zombie Valentine, Stay

My Zombie Pinup ($20) is a 2009 calendar that features scantily clad, brain-eating zombie ladies.

Do you know what real men love? Undead pinup models. And power tools. And periwinkle duvets. Take that, Alan Alda!

Put Him On That Cadillac Board!

You Want Blood? You Got It.

Emails! I get emails! I get emails every daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

From the email bag:

"Dude. Give the politics a rest. Fuck me this shit is getting old."

Enjoy.

Boldly Come ON!

I have to say I've been managing my expectations for JJ Abrams' Star Trek reboot pretty well for the last year or so... but then I saw these stills, and well, I may just propose to Chris Pine.

Just Say No

Dear John Letter

"Evangelical Dominatrix"

7/12

You Can't Go Home Again... Unless....

Okay, so as anyone who peruses Nancy's Facebook page knows by now, last week was our great "Brunch Staycation." In between brunches (my favorite Cure album!) we squeezed in a day o' East Bay adventure. Well, mostly it was a day for Nancy to re-connect with a very good friend from bygone days, and to plan their... um... yet-to-be-bygone-but-before-that-happens-even-better days together on both sides of the span.

After their lovely get-together (and yes, I was there, but really more as a happy onlooker than participant; I didn't see the point of wasting what little time they had that morning with bon mots about the bookstore or Chuck) Nancy and I explored Oakland... which, it turns out, sucks way less than I remember. Of course, most of what I remember about Oakland are the late-night trips I'd make with my dad to his Broadway pharmacy to shut off the burglar alarm, so pretty much anything during the day (and not involving drug addicts and fat, bored cops) was bound to be an improvement... but I digress. That's so unlike me.

We made our way to Children's Fairyland, eager to relive our childhood days, and sure the place would be 15-square feet and mostly rusted. I asked Nancy if she remembered Pogo -the world's angriest clown- from her Fairyland visits, and happily she didn't. I say "happily" because I recall the weekend my family went to Fairyland, and I watched Pogo make a little girl cry as he forced her to take a balloon shaped like an Ebola virus. The next day at school I started to tell my fairyland tale, but I couldn't get past "We went to Fairyland yesterday..." before a friend of mine whispered urgently "Pogo wasn't there, was he?" Ahhh, the carefree salad days of youth!

Dammit! Digressed again! What's the matter with me?

So, Nancy and I make it past the geese, and march happily up to the Fairyland entrance and announce "Two please!" to the napping girl trapped in the ticket booth. Before the echo of our footsteps could die in that cool October shade, the girl replies "You can't come in without a child."

What?

She can tell we're confused. She sits up, and looks down toward our waists... seeming to hope for our sake that we either brought a child and forgot, or maybe one had wandered up while we were talking and she could slip us in. No help at waist-level, she repeated: "You have to have a child to come in."

I looked at Nancy; Nancy looked at me. "But we don't have a child," Nancy said.

"Sorry," ticket booth girl sighed, feeling more trapped than ever, I'm sure.

Nancy looked at me; I looked at Nancy. "But... Fairyland...." My voice trailed off as I watched ticket booth girl close the metaphorical shades in her eyes to the glare of my disappointment.

We turned and walked back to the car... only then realizing Nancy should have trumpeted "I'm pregnant! A-HAAAAA!"*

Now, here's the thing: set aside for the moment that now more than ever I'm certain mostly-deserted Fairyland could have used our $16**, being turned away for lack of offspring is the most blatant city-sanctioned discrimination of which I've ever been the victim. Let alone the fact that we're quiet, harmless middle-aged folks who just want to revisit a tiny, squeaky, pastel-colored bit of our pasts, what would happen to someone who tried to practice the reverse of that discrimination? "Oh, I'm sorry, you can't come in to my ice cream shop with kids."

AND, if the argument is that banning the childless somehow keeps the kids safe from creepy strangers, I'd argue the opposite. Children's Fairyland may actually be endangering children by insisting that only those with children may enter. I shudder to think how many childless Fairyland adventurers turn sadly away from the entrance, only to desperately force kids they don't know to enter Fairyland with them, only abandoning them to the geese and this generation's angry Fairyland clown.

I won't even discuss how many unwanted pregnancies Children's Fairyland must cause every year. You can do that math.

Children's Fairyland hates kids.

*She's not; don't email me.
** Magic Keys for their talking Storybook Boxes are an extra $2, bastards.

Not "Just" A Bill

"Youth Has No Age"

This Day In History

October 11, 1998 Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail LPGA Tournament
October 11, 1997 Dennis Rodman returns from 2nd longest NBA suspension (11 games)
October 11, 1996 Ford buys rights to named Detroit domed stadium for $40 million
October 11, 1995 John Bobbitt has plastic surgery to increase his penis 3 inches
October 11, 1995 O. J. Simpson cancels a TV appearance on Dateline
October 11, 1994 Russian ruble decreases to 3,926 rubles per dollar
October 11, 1994 Space shuttle STS-68 (Endeavour 7), lands
October 11, 1993 Norwegian Rushdie publisher William Nygaard injured in attack
October 11, 1993 US warship Harlan County anchors off Port-au-Prince Haiti
October 11, 1992 1st 3-way presidential debate (Bush-Clinton-Perot)
October 11, 1992 Deion Sanders, plays for Atlanta Falcons (NFL) and Braves (Baseball)
October 11, 1992 Toronto down 6-1 in 7th beats A's 7-6 in 11th in AL playoff
October 11, 1991 Anita Hill testifies Clarence Thomas sexually harrased her
October 11, 1991 Chip Beck ties PGA lowest 18 hole score of 59
October 11, 1991 Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart seen soliciting a prostitute
October 11, 1990 Octavio Paz wins Nobel Prize for literature
October 11, 1990 Oil hits a record $40.42 per barrel
October 11, 1987 200,000 gays march for civil rights in Washington
October 11, 1986 Reagan and Gorbachev open talks at a summit in Iceland
October 11, 1985 Atlantis returns to Kennedy Space Center via Kelly AFB
October 11, 1985 President Reagan bans importation of South African Krugerrands
October 11, 1985 U.S. intercepts Egyptian Boeing with Achille Lauro terrorists
October 11, 1984 1st space walk by U.S. woman, Kathryn D. Sullivan
October 11, 1984 NASA launches space vehicle S-208
October 11, 1984 VP candidate debate-Graldine Ferraro (D) and George Bush (R)
October 11, 1982 16th Country Music Association Award: Willie Nelson and Ricky Skagg
October 11, 1982 Riot in Amsterdam as tram catches fire
October 11, 1981 Expos beat Phillies, 3 games to 2, in NLCS
October 11, 1981 Hollis Stacy wins LPGA Inamori Golf Classic
October 11, 1981 LeRoy Irvin sets yards gained on punt returns record (207 yds)
October 11, 1981 Unknown rocker Prince opens for Rolling Stones at LA Coliseum
October 11, 1981 Yanks beat Brewers 7-3 and win only Eastern Championship Series
October 11, 1980 Cosmonauts Popov and Ryumin set space endurance record of 184 days
October 11, 1980 Dallas Mavericks 1st game at Reunion Arena beat San Antonio 103-92
October 11, 1980 U.S.S.R. performs nuclear test at Novaya Zemlya U.S.S.R.
October 11, 1979 German DR frees dissidents Rudolf Bahro and Nico Hubner
October 11, 1979 Allan McLeod Cormack and Godfrey Newbold Hounsfield win Nobel Prize for medicine for developing CAT scan
October 11, 1978 Aristides Royo elected president of Panama
October 11, 1978 Belgium government of Tindemans resigns
October 11, 1978 Dodgers Bob Welch dramatically strikes out Reggie Jackson in 9th
October 11, 1977 Soyuz 25 returns to Earth
October 11, 1976 10th Country Music Association Award: Mel Tillis wins
October 11, 1975 "Saturday Night Live" premieres with guest host George Carlin
October 11, 1975 Bill Clinton weds Hillary Rodham
October 11, 1975 Islander's Bryan Trottier's 1st career hat trick
October 11, 1975 Saturday Night Live premieres with George Carlin as host
October 11, 1973 Oakland beats Baltimore 3 games to 2 to win AL pennant
October 11, 1972 Panama adopts constitution
October 11, 1972 Prison uprising at Washington D.C. jail
October 11, 1972 Reads beat Pirates in NLCS
October 11, 1971 60th Davis Cup: USA beats Romania in Charlotte (3-2)
October 11, 1971 Brooks Robinson ties Series record, reaches base 5 straight times
October 11, 1971 Frank McGee becomes news anchor of Today Show
October 11, 1971 Switzerland recognizes North Vietnam
October 11, 1969 Rome: 2nd bishop synod
October 11, 1969 Blues artist Muddy Waters involved in a car crash that kills 3
October 11, 1969 Soyuz 6 launched; Soyuz 7 and 8 follow in next 2 days
October 11, 1968 Billy Martin named manager of Twins
October 11, 1968 Panama revolts
October 11, 1967 World Series record 3 consecutive home runs (Carl Yastremski, Reggie Smith, and Rico Petrocelli) by Red Sox
October 11, 1967 Yoko Plus Me art exhibit opens in London (the me is John Lennon)
October 11, 1964 Ruth Jessen wins LPGA Hillside House Ladies' Golf Open
October 11, 1962 1st appearance of a Gabor sister on Merv Griffin Show
October 11, 1962 2nd Vatican Council (21st ecumenical) convened by Pope John XXIII
October 11, 1961 USAF Major Robert M White takes X-15 to 66,100m
October 11, 1961 U.S.S.R. performs nuclear test
October 11, 1960 Hurricane ravages East-Pakistan (6,000 die)
October 11, 1960 Radio-TV exec John Fetzer buys a controlling interest of Det Tigers
October 11, 1958 2nd U.S. Moon probe, Pioneer 1, reaches 113,810 km, falls back
October 11, 1956 1st Pakistan vs. Australia Test 95 runs scored on 1st day
October 11, 1956 Great Britain performs nuclear test at Maralinga Australia
October 11, 1955 All Peron feast days disposed of in Argentina
October 11, 1955 Persia signs Pact of Baghdad
October 11, 1954 Pope Pius XII publishes encyclical Ad caeli Reginam
October 11, 1947 Brazil and Chile break diplomatic relations with U.S.S.R.
October 11, 1945 Chinese civil war begins, Chiang Kai-Shek vs Mao Tse-Tung
October 11, 1945 JPL WAC Corporal Launch (1st Man-Made Object to escape Atmosphere)
October 11, 1944 Allies bomb sea wall at Veere
October 11, 1941 1st NSB-battalion departures to Eastern front
October 11, 1939 Bucky Harris signs to manage Washington again
October 11, 1939 Gertrude Lawrence's "Skylark," premieres in New York City
October 11, 1939 NAACP organized Legal Defense and Education Fund
October 11, 1936 "Professor Quiz," 1st radio quiz show premieres
October 11, 1932 Stalin forces Zinoviev and Kamenev out of Communist Party
October 11, 1931 100,000 extreme-right Germans form "Harzburger Front"
October 11, 1929 Sean O'Casey's "Silver Tassle," premieres in London
October 11, 1927 Lou Gehrig named AL MVP (Babe Ruth (former winner) not eligible)
October 11, 1925 Belgian episcopelian sspeaks against Flemish activism
October 11, 1925 New York Giants play 1st NFL game, lose to Providence 14-0
October 11, 1923 Babe Ruth hits 2 home runs in a World Series game
October 11, 1922 1st woman FBI "special investigator" appointed (Alaska Davidson)
October 11, 1922 Turkey and Greece sign cease fire
October 11, 1919 1st transcontinental air race ends
October 11, 1915 Bulgarian anti Serbian offensive begins
October 11, 1914 German troops occupy Gent
October 11, 1911 Ty Cobb (AL) and Frank Schulte (NL) are 1st MVPs, each gets an auto
October 11, 1906 San Francisco begins school for "Asians"
October 11, 1906 White Sox Ed Walsh strikes out then record 12 in a World Series game
October 11, 1902 Commencement of 1st Test Cricket between South Africa and Australia
October 11, 1902 Lawrence Auchterlonie wins U.S. Open golf tournament
October 11, 1899 South African Boers declare war on Great Britain
October 11, 1895 Emperor Menelik II of Addis Ababa draws against Italians
October 11, 1890 Daughters of American Revolution forms
October 11, 1887 A Miles patents elevator
October 11, 1881 David Houston patents roll film for cameras
October 11, 1871 Great Chicago Fire is finally extinguished after 3 days, 300 killed
October 11, 1868 Thomas Edison patents his 1st invention: electric voice machine
October 11, 1865 President Johnson paroles CSA VP Alexander Stephens
October 11, 1864 Slavery abolished in Maryland
October 11, 1863 Skirmish at Rheatown/Henderson's Mill, Tennessee
October 11, 1861 Battle of Dumfries, Virginia (Quantico Creek)
October 11, 1811 The Juliana, 1st steam-powered ferryboat, begins operation
October 11, 1797 Battle at Kamperduin: English fleet destroys Bataafse
October 11, 1797 British naval forces defeat Dutch off Camperdown, Netherlands
October 11, 1776 Brig Gen Arnold's Lake Champlain fleet defeated by British
October 11, 1746 Battle at Rocourt: French drive out English/Austria/Neth armies
October 11, 1737 Earthquake kills 300,000 and destroys of Calcutta India
October 11, 1726 Benjamin Franklin returns to Philadelphia from England
October 11, 1698 France, England and Netherlands signs 1st Extermination treaty
October 11, 1689 Peter the Great becomes tsar of Russia
October 11, 1687 Hungary accepts Habsburgse sovereignty
October 11, 1674 Pierre Corneille's "Surena," premieres in Paris
October 11, 1643 Battle at Wincebt: English New Model-army beats royalists
October 11, 1573 Battle of South Seas - Dutch rebels beat Spanish navy
October 11, 1540 Emperor Karel names his son Philip, duke of Milan
October 11, 1531 Battle at Kappel: Swiss RC kantons beat protestant
October 11, 1521 Pope Leo X titles King Henry VIII of England "Defender of the Faith"
October 11, 1492 Columbus' ships sites land on the horizon (Bahamas)
October 11, 732 Battle at Tours: France under Karel Martel beat Moors

Today's Birthdays

October 11, 1992 Sarah Cannon, daughter of singer Amy Grant
October 11, 1975 Kellie Martin, Riverside California, actress, Life Goes On, Cristy
October 11, 1975 Zach Conrad, Ft. Collins Colo, cyclist 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1974 Jason Arnott, Collingwood Ontario, NHL center for Edmonton Oilers
October 11, 1973 Sharon Dominguez, Miss Belize Universe 1997
October 11, 1972 Brigitte Soucy, Moncton New Brunswick,volleyballer 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1972 Cherokee Parks, NBA center, Dallas Mavericks, Minnesota Timberwolves
October 11, 1972 Kyoko Ina, Tokyo, Japan, figure skater, 1993 North Atlantic Sr champ
October 11, 1972 Troy Corbett, cricket pace bowler, Victorian lefty since 1994-95
October 11, 1971 Chann McRae, Albany, Georgia, cyclist 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1971 Natalie Jay, Hendon England, actress, Baywatch
October 11, 1970 Chidi Ahanotu, NFL defensive end/tackle for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
October 11, 1970 Kelly Sims, WLAF cornerback for the Amsterdam Admirals
October 11, 1970 Nicole Jeray, Cook County, Illinois, LPGA golfer
October 11, 1969 Cal Dixon, NFL center/guard for the New York Jets
October 11, 1969 Mike Kerr, WLAF defensive end for the Frankfurt Galaxy
October 11, 1969 Prince Constantijn, CF Aschwin, of Netherlands
October 11, 1969 Ty Murray, rodeo cowboy, 5-time all-around world champion
October 11, 1968 Amy Louise Taylor, [Kallested], actress, Silent Night Deadly Night 5
October 11, 1968 Claude Lapointe, Lachine, NHL center for the Calgary Flames
October 11, 1968 Cynthia Johnston, Calgary Alberta, basketball forward 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1967 Bruce Dickson, CFL linebacker for the Edmonton Eskimos
October 11, 1967 Charles Ogletree, Greenville, North Carolina, tornado yachter
October 11, 1967 Dennis Vaske, Rockford, NHL defenseman for the New York Islanders
October 11, 1967 John Lovell, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, tornado yachter
October 11, 1967 Rob Selby, NFL guard for the Arizona Cardinals
October 11, 1967 Sean Moynihan, Burlington, Vermont, actor, Powell-One Life to Live
October 11, 1966 Gregg Olson, born in Omaha, Nebraska, pitcher, Baltimore Orioles
October 11, 1966 Luke Perry, born in Mansfield, Ohio, actor
October 11, 1966 Shawn Chambers, Royal Oaks, Michigan, NHL defenseman, Team USA
October 11, 1965 Chris Spielman, NFL linebacker, Detroit Lions, Buffalo Bills
October 11, 1965 Sean Patrick Flanery, actor, Young Indiana Jones, Powder
October 11, 1962 Eric Johnson, Seaside OR, Nike golfer, 1993 NIKE Louisiana Open-3rd
October 11, 1962 Joan Cusack, born in Evanston, Illinois, actress
October 11, 1962 Leslie Landon, born in Los Angeles, California, actress
October 11, 1962 Martin Bayless, NFL safety for the Kansas City Chiefs
October 11, 1962 Philip Newport, cricketer, England pace bowler in 3 Tests 1988-91
October 11, 1961 Bryant Young, defensive tackle for the San Francisco 49ers
October 11, 1961 Steve Young, NFL quarterback, San Francisco 49ers
October 11, 1960 Curt Ford, baseball player
October 11, 1960 Joe Nash, NFL defensive tackle for the Seattle Seahawks
October 11, 1959 Bob Inglis, Rep-R-South Carolina
October 11, 1959 Michiel Schapers, Netherlands, tennis star
October 11, 1957 Blair Cunningham, born in Memphis, Tennessee, drummer, Haircut 100
October 11, 1957 Jon Moss, rock drummer, Culture Club
October 11, 1953 David Morse, Beverly Massachusetts, actor, St. Elsewhere
October 11, 1951 Wesley Magoogan, rocker
October 11, 1950 Amos Gitai, actor, Neo-Fascist Trilogy, Golem, Arena of Murder
October 11, 1950 Andrew Woolfolk, U.S. pop musician
October 11, 1950 Catlin Adams, born in Los Angeles, California, actress
October 11, 1950 Patty Murry, Sen-D Washington
October 11, 1950 Thomas J Tauke, Rep-R-IA, 1979-
October 11, 1950 Patty Murray, American Politician
October 11, 1949 Bobby Jones, baseball player
October 11, 1949 Greg Douglas, rock guitarist and vocalist
October 11, 1948 Daryl Hall, rocker/songwriter, Hall and Oates-Sara Smile
October 11, 1946 Felton Perry, actor, Magnum Force, Sudden Death
October 11, 1946 Gary Mallaber, Buffalo, New York, rocker
October 11, 1946 Sawao Kato, Japan, gymnist, Olympics gold 1968, 72, 76
October 11, 1944 Rodney Marsh, athlete
October 11, 1943 Frank Muyser, Dutch guitarist/saxophonist, Les Baroques
October 11, 1943 Gene Watson, Palestine, Texas, country singer, Heartaches
October 11, 1943 Keith Boyce, cricketer, big-hitting WI all-rounder of 70's
October 11, 1943 Ken Boyce, cricketer
October 11, 1943 Per-Gunnar Alldahl, composer
October 11, 1942 Amitabh Bachan, actress, Deewar
October 11, 1942 Malvin Whitfield, Bay City, Texas, track star
October 11, 1942 Victor H Fazio, Rep-D-California, 1979-
October 11, 1942 Amitabh Bachchan, Indian Actor
October 11, 1940 David McFadden, Canadian Poet
October 11, 1939 Franklin A Sonn, union leader, South African workers
October 11, 1939 Maria Bueno, born in Sao Paulo, Brazil, tennis player, Wimbledon
October 11, 1939 Woiciech Wiesidlowski Lowski, dancer
October 11, 1937 Bobby Charlton, English soccer player
October 11, 1937 Georgi Vladimirovich Machinski, cosmonaut
October 11, 1937 Ron Leibman, New York City, actor, Norma Rae
October 11, 1935 Jan van Vlijmen, composer
October 11, 1935 Roy Scheider, actor, Jaws, Fren Connection, Marathon Man, Paper Lion
October 11, 1933 Dawn French, actress/comedienne, Supergrass
October 11, 1932 Dottie West, born in Nashville, Tennessee, country singer
October 11, 1930 Bill Fischer, baseball player
October 11, 1930 Harry Glass, German DR, 1st E German Olympic medalist, bronze-1956
October 11, 1930 Sam Johnson, Rep-R-Texas
October 11, 1928 Thomas Burnett Swann, U.S., sci-fi author, Day of Minotaur
October 11, 1926 Earle Hyman, North Carolina, actor, Russell-Cosby, Coriolanus
October 11, 1926 John Dewes, cricketer, England opener late 40's early 50's
October 11, 1925 Elmore Leonard, U.S. writer, Glitz, Mr. Majestyk, Touch, 52 Pick-Up
October 11, 1925 Nancy Guild, born in Los Angeles, California, actress, Where Was I?
October 11, 1919 Art Blakey, born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, drummer
October 11, 1918 Jerome Robbins, [Rabinowitz], New York, choreographer
October 11, 1917 Franz Alphons Wolpert, composer
October 11, 1914 Edward J Day, U.S. Postmaster General, 1961
October 11, 1913 J J Pickle, Rep-D-TX, 1963-
October 11, 1910 Eugene John Weigel, composer
October 11, 1910 Francis James Claude Piggott, soldier
October 11, 1910 Joseph Alsop, political newspaper columnist
October 11, 1908 Armen Carapetyan, composer
October 11, 1906 Earl "Dutch" Clark, Colo, NFL hall of fame QB, Spartans, Detroit
October 11, 1902 Leon Belasco, Odessa Russia, actor, Lucky Partners, My Sister Eileen
October 11, 1901 Emil Hlobil, composer
October 11, 1901 Gerard Romsee, Flemish nationalist
October 11, 1900 Cal Hubbard, NFL tackle, Giants, Packers, Pittsburgh Pirates
October 11, 1897 Arvo Hannikainen, composer
October 11, 1897 George Preston Marshall, NFL team owner for the Washington Redskins
October 11, 1897 Nathan F Twining, USAF general, Neither Liberty nor Safety
October 11, 1897 Russell Collins, New Orleans LA
October 11, 1896 Roman Jakobson, linguist/Slavic scholar, Fundamentals of Language
October 11, 1895 H Schiebelhuth, writer
October 11, 1894 Albert Stoessel, composer
October 11, 1891 Antonius [Jacob LT] van der Veen Zeppenfeldt, Antillian Bishop
October 11, 1888 Piero Coppola, composer
October 11, 1885 Alfred Haar, Hungary, mathematician
October 11, 1885 Francois Mauriac, France, novelist/poet/playwright, Nobel 1952
October 11, 1884 Eleanor Roosevelt, 1st lady, 1933-1945, crusader, Nobel 1931
October 11, 1884 Robert Muller-Hartmann, composer
October 11, 1884 Sig Ruman, [Siegfried Rumann], Hamburg Germany
October 11, 1883 Archibald T Davison, composer
October 11, 1882 Robert Nathaniel Dett, composer
October 11, 1882 Will Vesper, German author, Vom grossen Krieg
October 11, 1881 Stark Young, U.S. critic/writer, So Red the Rose
October 11, 1877 John Parsons Beach, composer
October 11, 1876 G von Le Fort, writer
October 11, 1875 Stefan O Iosif, Romania, poet, Beautiful Irine
October 11, 1872 Harlan Fiske Stone, NH, Supreme Court, 1925-41, Chief Justice, 41-46
October 11, 1869 Gordon Frederic Norton, composer
October 11, 1865 Hans E Kinck, Norwegian philological/writer, Mot Karnaval
October 11, 1863 Xavier Henry Napoleon Leroux, composer
October 11, 1844 Henry John Heinz, founded prepared-foods company, 57 varieties
October 11, 1841 Freidrich Hegar, composer
October 11, 1835 Hunter Holmes McGuire, Med Director Confederate Army, died in 1900
October 11, 1825 C F Meyer, writer
October 11, 1825 Elkanah Brackin Greer, Brig General Confederate Army, died in 1877
October 11, 1821 Angelo Maurizio Gaspare Mariani, composer
October 11, 1821 George Williams, England, founder YMCA
October 11, 1820 Alfred Washington Ellet, Brig General Union volunteers, died in 1895
October 11, 1815 Pierre Napoleon Bonaparte, Corsican representative of the people
October 11, 1806 Aleksandar I Karadjordjevic, monarch of Serbia, 1842-58
October 11, 1803 Albartus Telting, Frisian poet, Frisianch Jierboeckjen
October 11, 1788 Simon Sechter, composer
October 11, 1782 Steen Steensen Blicher, Denmk, poet/short-story writer, E Binddstouw
October 11, 1768 Adriaan van den Ende, Dutch vicar/educationalist
October 11, 1758 Wilhelm Olbers, discovered asteroids, Pallas and Vesta
October 11, 1747 Marian Paradeiser, composer
October 11, 1738 Arthur Phillip, admiral/1st governor New-South Wales
October 11, 1671 Frederik IV, king of Denmark/Norway, 1699-1730
October 11, 1661 Melchior de Polignac, French diplomat/elect, Anti-Lucretius
October 11, 1611 Hugues de Lionne, Marquess de Berry, French ambassador to Rome
October 11, 1593 Claes P "Nicolaas" Tulip, anatomy/mayor of Amsterdam, 1654..71
October 11, 1573 Jacob Boonen, South Netherlands clergyman/lawyer

I Didn't Send That, Did I?

Our gajillionaire pals at Google recently unveiled a Gmail app that may help prevent drunken emailing. At last! When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and in-person conversations at lit event after-parties and we're all set!

WTF?

Knock 'em Out!

McCainiac!

4/12

What Is It When There isn't An Economy Anymore?

Thank You, Space Program!

Gamer Grubs are meal replacement snacks specially designed with the sedentary gamer in mind.

"In flavors like Action Pizza, Racing Wasabi, Strategy Chocolate and Sports PB&J, the snacks are not only fortified with vitamins and minerals, but are specially engineered to be crumb and grease free, protecting your keyboard from its normal all-it-can-eat junk food buffet."

Mmmm, they sound yummy, don't they? No, no they really don't. Call me old fashioned, but what the hell's the matter with the classic Mountain Dew/Cheetos combination? Nothing, that's what.

The More Things Cha-- Nothing Ever Changes

Who Says Lenny Bruce Is Not Afraid?

I know, I know... what with this whole "Presidential election" thing, and the end of our free market economy, I've seemed distracted of late. A little distant, maybe. Don't worry... I haven't forgotten about the important things. I haven't taken my eyes off those goddam robots for an instant.



Meet little robot girl Repliee R-1. She's an android built by Osaka University, based on an actual 5-year old girl. Trust me when I tell you: they totally chose the wrong 5-year old girl.

Palin Rider

This is a Craigslist posting in Los Angeles looking for a Sarah Palin look-alike to be in a porno.

As you can see, no anal is required. So there goes our hope of Sarah Impalin'.

What're You Tryin' To Pull?