Stay Little Zombie Valentine, Stay

My Zombie Pinup ($20) is a 2009 calendar that features scantily clad, brain-eating zombie ladies.

Do you know what real men love? Undead pinup models. And power tools. And periwinkle duvets. Take that, Alan Alda!

Put Him On That Cadillac Board!

You Want Blood? You Got It.

Emails! I get emails! I get emails every daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

From the email bag:

"Dude. Give the politics a rest. Fuck me this shit is getting old."

Enjoy.

Boldly Come ON!

I have to say I've been managing my expectations for JJ Abrams' Star Trek reboot pretty well for the last year or so... but then I saw these stills, and well, I may just propose to Chris Pine.

Just Say No

Dear John Letter

"Evangelical Dominatrix"

7/12

You Can't Go Home Again... Unless....

Okay, so as anyone who peruses Nancy's Facebook page knows by now, last week was our great "Brunch Staycation." In between brunches (my favorite Cure album!) we squeezed in a day o' East Bay adventure. Well, mostly it was a day for Nancy to re-connect with a very good friend from bygone days, and to plan their... um... yet-to-be-bygone-but-before-that-happens-even-better days together on both sides of the span.

After their lovely get-together (and yes, I was there, but really more as a happy onlooker than participant; I didn't see the point of wasting what little time they had that morning with bon mots about the bookstore or Chuck) Nancy and I explored Oakland... which, it turns out, sucks way less than I remember. Of course, most of what I remember about Oakland are the late-night trips I'd make with my dad to his Broadway pharmacy to shut off the burglar alarm, so pretty much anything during the day (and not involving drug addicts and fat, bored cops) was bound to be an improvement... but I digress. That's so unlike me.

We made our way to Children's Fairyland, eager to relive our childhood days, and sure the place would be 15-square feet and mostly rusted. I asked Nancy if she remembered Pogo -the world's angriest clown- from her Fairyland visits, and happily she didn't. I say "happily" because I recall the weekend my family went to Fairyland, and I watched Pogo make a little girl cry as he forced her to take a balloon shaped like an Ebola virus. The next day at school I started to tell my fairyland tale, but I couldn't get past "We went to Fairyland yesterday..." before a friend of mine whispered urgently "Pogo wasn't there, was he?" Ahhh, the carefree salad days of youth!

Dammit! Digressed again! What's the matter with me?

So, Nancy and I make it past the geese, and march happily up to the Fairyland entrance and announce "Two please!" to the napping girl trapped in the ticket booth. Before the echo of our footsteps could die in that cool October shade, the girl replies "You can't come in without a child."

What?

She can tell we're confused. She sits up, and looks down toward our waists... seeming to hope for our sake that we either brought a child and forgot, or maybe one had wandered up while we were talking and she could slip us in. No help at waist-level, she repeated: "You have to have a child to come in."

I looked at Nancy; Nancy looked at me. "But we don't have a child," Nancy said.

"Sorry," ticket booth girl sighed, feeling more trapped than ever, I'm sure.

Nancy looked at me; I looked at Nancy. "But... Fairyland...." My voice trailed off as I watched ticket booth girl close the metaphorical shades in her eyes to the glare of my disappointment.

We turned and walked back to the car... only then realizing Nancy should have trumpeted "I'm pregnant! A-HAAAAA!"*

Now, here's the thing: set aside for the moment that now more than ever I'm certain mostly-deserted Fairyland could have used our $16**, being turned away for lack of offspring is the most blatant city-sanctioned discrimination of which I've ever been the victim. Let alone the fact that we're quiet, harmless middle-aged folks who just want to revisit a tiny, squeaky, pastel-colored bit of our pasts, what would happen to someone who tried to practice the reverse of that discrimination? "Oh, I'm sorry, you can't come in to my ice cream shop with kids."

AND, if the argument is that banning the childless somehow keeps the kids safe from creepy strangers, I'd argue the opposite. Children's Fairyland may actually be endangering children by insisting that only those with children may enter. I shudder to think how many childless Fairyland adventurers turn sadly away from the entrance, only to desperately force kids they don't know to enter Fairyland with them, only abandoning them to the geese and this generation's angry Fairyland clown.

I won't even discuss how many unwanted pregnancies Children's Fairyland must cause every year. You can do that math.

Children's Fairyland hates kids.

*She's not; don't email me.
** Magic Keys for their talking Storybook Boxes are an extra $2, bastards.

Not "Just" A Bill

"Youth Has No Age"

This Day In History

October 11, 1998 Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail LPGA Tournament
October 11, 1997 Dennis Rodman returns from 2nd longest NBA suspension (11 games)
October 11, 1996 Ford buys rights to named Detroit domed stadium for $40 million
October 11, 1995 John Bobbitt has plastic surgery to increase his penis 3 inches
October 11, 1995 O. J. Simpson cancels a TV appearance on Dateline
October 11, 1994 Russian ruble decreases to 3,926 rubles per dollar
October 11, 1994 Space shuttle STS-68 (Endeavour 7), lands
October 11, 1993 Norwegian Rushdie publisher William Nygaard injured in attack
October 11, 1993 US warship Harlan County anchors off Port-au-Prince Haiti
October 11, 1992 1st 3-way presidential debate (Bush-Clinton-Perot)
October 11, 1992 Deion Sanders, plays for Atlanta Falcons (NFL) and Braves (Baseball)
October 11, 1992 Toronto down 6-1 in 7th beats A's 7-6 in 11th in AL playoff
October 11, 1991 Anita Hill testifies Clarence Thomas sexually harrased her
October 11, 1991 Chip Beck ties PGA lowest 18 hole score of 59
October 11, 1991 Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart seen soliciting a prostitute
October 11, 1990 Octavio Paz wins Nobel Prize for literature
October 11, 1990 Oil hits a record $40.42 per barrel
October 11, 1987 200,000 gays march for civil rights in Washington
October 11, 1986 Reagan and Gorbachev open talks at a summit in Iceland
October 11, 1985 Atlantis returns to Kennedy Space Center via Kelly AFB
October 11, 1985 President Reagan bans importation of South African Krugerrands
October 11, 1985 U.S. intercepts Egyptian Boeing with Achille Lauro terrorists
October 11, 1984 1st space walk by U.S. woman, Kathryn D. Sullivan
October 11, 1984 NASA launches space vehicle S-208
October 11, 1984 VP candidate debate-Graldine Ferraro (D) and George Bush (R)
October 11, 1982 16th Country Music Association Award: Willie Nelson and Ricky Skagg
October 11, 1982 Riot in Amsterdam as tram catches fire
October 11, 1981 Expos beat Phillies, 3 games to 2, in NLCS
October 11, 1981 Hollis Stacy wins LPGA Inamori Golf Classic
October 11, 1981 LeRoy Irvin sets yards gained on punt returns record (207 yds)
October 11, 1981 Unknown rocker Prince opens for Rolling Stones at LA Coliseum
October 11, 1981 Yanks beat Brewers 7-3 and win only Eastern Championship Series
October 11, 1980 Cosmonauts Popov and Ryumin set space endurance record of 184 days
October 11, 1980 Dallas Mavericks 1st game at Reunion Arena beat San Antonio 103-92
October 11, 1980 U.S.S.R. performs nuclear test at Novaya Zemlya U.S.S.R.
October 11, 1979 German DR frees dissidents Rudolf Bahro and Nico Hubner
October 11, 1979 Allan McLeod Cormack and Godfrey Newbold Hounsfield win Nobel Prize for medicine for developing CAT scan
October 11, 1978 Aristides Royo elected president of Panama
October 11, 1978 Belgium government of Tindemans resigns
October 11, 1978 Dodgers Bob Welch dramatically strikes out Reggie Jackson in 9th
October 11, 1977 Soyuz 25 returns to Earth
October 11, 1976 10th Country Music Association Award: Mel Tillis wins
October 11, 1975 "Saturday Night Live" premieres with guest host George Carlin
October 11, 1975 Bill Clinton weds Hillary Rodham
October 11, 1975 Islander's Bryan Trottier's 1st career hat trick
October 11, 1975 Saturday Night Live premieres with George Carlin as host
October 11, 1973 Oakland beats Baltimore 3 games to 2 to win AL pennant
October 11, 1972 Panama adopts constitution
October 11, 1972 Prison uprising at Washington D.C. jail
October 11, 1972 Reads beat Pirates in NLCS
October 11, 1971 60th Davis Cup: USA beats Romania in Charlotte (3-2)
October 11, 1971 Brooks Robinson ties Series record, reaches base 5 straight times
October 11, 1971 Frank McGee becomes news anchor of Today Show
October 11, 1971 Switzerland recognizes North Vietnam
October 11, 1969 Rome: 2nd bishop synod
October 11, 1969 Blues artist Muddy Waters involved in a car crash that kills 3
October 11, 1969 Soyuz 6 launched; Soyuz 7 and 8 follow in next 2 days
October 11, 1968 Billy Martin named manager of Twins
October 11, 1968 Panama revolts
October 11, 1967 World Series record 3 consecutive home runs (Carl Yastremski, Reggie Smith, and Rico Petrocelli) by Red Sox
October 11, 1967 Yoko Plus Me art exhibit opens in London (the me is John Lennon)
October 11, 1964 Ruth Jessen wins LPGA Hillside House Ladies' Golf Open
October 11, 1962 1st appearance of a Gabor sister on Merv Griffin Show
October 11, 1962 2nd Vatican Council (21st ecumenical) convened by Pope John XXIII
October 11, 1961 USAF Major Robert M White takes X-15 to 66,100m
October 11, 1961 U.S.S.R. performs nuclear test
October 11, 1960 Hurricane ravages East-Pakistan (6,000 die)
October 11, 1960 Radio-TV exec John Fetzer buys a controlling interest of Det Tigers
October 11, 1958 2nd U.S. Moon probe, Pioneer 1, reaches 113,810 km, falls back
October 11, 1956 1st Pakistan vs. Australia Test 95 runs scored on 1st day
October 11, 1956 Great Britain performs nuclear test at Maralinga Australia
October 11, 1955 All Peron feast days disposed of in Argentina
October 11, 1955 Persia signs Pact of Baghdad
October 11, 1954 Pope Pius XII publishes encyclical Ad caeli Reginam
October 11, 1947 Brazil and Chile break diplomatic relations with U.S.S.R.
October 11, 1945 Chinese civil war begins, Chiang Kai-Shek vs Mao Tse-Tung
October 11, 1945 JPL WAC Corporal Launch (1st Man-Made Object to escape Atmosphere)
October 11, 1944 Allies bomb sea wall at Veere
October 11, 1941 1st NSB-battalion departures to Eastern front
October 11, 1939 Bucky Harris signs to manage Washington again
October 11, 1939 Gertrude Lawrence's "Skylark," premieres in New York City
October 11, 1939 NAACP organized Legal Defense and Education Fund
October 11, 1936 "Professor Quiz," 1st radio quiz show premieres
October 11, 1932 Stalin forces Zinoviev and Kamenev out of Communist Party
October 11, 1931 100,000 extreme-right Germans form "Harzburger Front"
October 11, 1929 Sean O'Casey's "Silver Tassle," premieres in London
October 11, 1927 Lou Gehrig named AL MVP (Babe Ruth (former winner) not eligible)
October 11, 1925 Belgian episcopelian sspeaks against Flemish activism
October 11, 1925 New York Giants play 1st NFL game, lose to Providence 14-0
October 11, 1923 Babe Ruth hits 2 home runs in a World Series game
October 11, 1922 1st woman FBI "special investigator" appointed (Alaska Davidson)
October 11, 1922 Turkey and Greece sign cease fire
October 11, 1919 1st transcontinental air race ends
October 11, 1915 Bulgarian anti Serbian offensive begins
October 11, 1914 German troops occupy Gent
October 11, 1911 Ty Cobb (AL) and Frank Schulte (NL) are 1st MVPs, each gets an auto
October 11, 1906 San Francisco begins school for "Asians"
October 11, 1906 White Sox Ed Walsh strikes out then record 12 in a World Series game
October 11, 1902 Commencement of 1st Test Cricket between South Africa and Australia
October 11, 1902 Lawrence Auchterlonie wins U.S. Open golf tournament
October 11, 1899 South African Boers declare war on Great Britain
October 11, 1895 Emperor Menelik II of Addis Ababa draws against Italians
October 11, 1890 Daughters of American Revolution forms
October 11, 1887 A Miles patents elevator
October 11, 1881 David Houston patents roll film for cameras
October 11, 1871 Great Chicago Fire is finally extinguished after 3 days, 300 killed
October 11, 1868 Thomas Edison patents his 1st invention: electric voice machine
October 11, 1865 President Johnson paroles CSA VP Alexander Stephens
October 11, 1864 Slavery abolished in Maryland
October 11, 1863 Skirmish at Rheatown/Henderson's Mill, Tennessee
October 11, 1861 Battle of Dumfries, Virginia (Quantico Creek)
October 11, 1811 The Juliana, 1st steam-powered ferryboat, begins operation
October 11, 1797 Battle at Kamperduin: English fleet destroys Bataafse
October 11, 1797 British naval forces defeat Dutch off Camperdown, Netherlands
October 11, 1776 Brig Gen Arnold's Lake Champlain fleet defeated by British
October 11, 1746 Battle at Rocourt: French drive out English/Austria/Neth armies
October 11, 1737 Earthquake kills 300,000 and destroys of Calcutta India
October 11, 1726 Benjamin Franklin returns to Philadelphia from England
October 11, 1698 France, England and Netherlands signs 1st Extermination treaty
October 11, 1689 Peter the Great becomes tsar of Russia
October 11, 1687 Hungary accepts Habsburgse sovereignty
October 11, 1674 Pierre Corneille's "Surena," premieres in Paris
October 11, 1643 Battle at Wincebt: English New Model-army beats royalists
October 11, 1573 Battle of South Seas - Dutch rebels beat Spanish navy
October 11, 1540 Emperor Karel names his son Philip, duke of Milan
October 11, 1531 Battle at Kappel: Swiss RC kantons beat protestant
October 11, 1521 Pope Leo X titles King Henry VIII of England "Defender of the Faith"
October 11, 1492 Columbus' ships sites land on the horizon (Bahamas)
October 11, 732 Battle at Tours: France under Karel Martel beat Moors

Today's Birthdays

October 11, 1992 Sarah Cannon, daughter of singer Amy Grant
October 11, 1975 Kellie Martin, Riverside California, actress, Life Goes On, Cristy
October 11, 1975 Zach Conrad, Ft. Collins Colo, cyclist 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1974 Jason Arnott, Collingwood Ontario, NHL center for Edmonton Oilers
October 11, 1973 Sharon Dominguez, Miss Belize Universe 1997
October 11, 1972 Brigitte Soucy, Moncton New Brunswick,volleyballer 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1972 Cherokee Parks, NBA center, Dallas Mavericks, Minnesota Timberwolves
October 11, 1972 Kyoko Ina, Tokyo, Japan, figure skater, 1993 North Atlantic Sr champ
October 11, 1972 Troy Corbett, cricket pace bowler, Victorian lefty since 1994-95
October 11, 1971 Chann McRae, Albany, Georgia, cyclist 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1971 Natalie Jay, Hendon England, actress, Baywatch
October 11, 1970 Chidi Ahanotu, NFL defensive end/tackle for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
October 11, 1970 Kelly Sims, WLAF cornerback for the Amsterdam Admirals
October 11, 1970 Nicole Jeray, Cook County, Illinois, LPGA golfer
October 11, 1969 Cal Dixon, NFL center/guard for the New York Jets
October 11, 1969 Mike Kerr, WLAF defensive end for the Frankfurt Galaxy
October 11, 1969 Prince Constantijn, CF Aschwin, of Netherlands
October 11, 1969 Ty Murray, rodeo cowboy, 5-time all-around world champion
October 11, 1968 Amy Louise Taylor, [Kallested], actress, Silent Night Deadly Night 5
October 11, 1968 Claude Lapointe, Lachine, NHL center for the Calgary Flames
October 11, 1968 Cynthia Johnston, Calgary Alberta, basketball forward 1996 Olympics
October 11, 1967 Bruce Dickson, CFL linebacker for the Edmonton Eskimos
October 11, 1967 Charles Ogletree, Greenville, North Carolina, tornado yachter
October 11, 1967 Dennis Vaske, Rockford, NHL defenseman for the New York Islanders
October 11, 1967 John Lovell, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, tornado yachter
October 11, 1967 Rob Selby, NFL guard for the Arizona Cardinals
October 11, 1967 Sean Moynihan, Burlington, Vermont, actor, Powell-One Life to Live
October 11, 1966 Gregg Olson, born in Omaha, Nebraska, pitcher, Baltimore Orioles
October 11, 1966 Luke Perry, born in Mansfield, Ohio, actor
October 11, 1966 Shawn Chambers, Royal Oaks, Michigan, NHL defenseman, Team USA
October 11, 1965 Chris Spielman, NFL linebacker, Detroit Lions, Buffalo Bills
October 11, 1965 Sean Patrick Flanery, actor, Young Indiana Jones, Powder
October 11, 1962 Eric Johnson, Seaside OR, Nike golfer, 1993 NIKE Louisiana Open-3rd
October 11, 1962 Joan Cusack, born in Evanston, Illinois, actress
October 11, 1962 Leslie Landon, born in Los Angeles, California, actress
October 11, 1962 Martin Bayless, NFL safety for the Kansas City Chiefs
October 11, 1962 Philip Newport, cricketer, England pace bowler in 3 Tests 1988-91
October 11, 1961 Bryant Young, defensive tackle for the San Francisco 49ers
October 11, 1961 Steve Young, NFL quarterback, San Francisco 49ers
October 11, 1960 Curt Ford, baseball player
October 11, 1960 Joe Nash, NFL defensive tackle for the Seattle Seahawks
October 11, 1959 Bob Inglis, Rep-R-South Carolina
October 11, 1959 Michiel Schapers, Netherlands, tennis star
October 11, 1957 Blair Cunningham, born in Memphis, Tennessee, drummer, Haircut 100
October 11, 1957 Jon Moss, rock drummer, Culture Club
October 11, 1953 David Morse, Beverly Massachusetts, actor, St. Elsewhere
October 11, 1951 Wesley Magoogan, rocker
October 11, 1950 Amos Gitai, actor, Neo-Fascist Trilogy, Golem, Arena of Murder
October 11, 1950 Andrew Woolfolk, U.S. pop musician
October 11, 1950 Catlin Adams, born in Los Angeles, California, actress
October 11, 1950 Patty Murry, Sen-D Washington
October 11, 1950 Thomas J Tauke, Rep-R-IA, 1979-
October 11, 1950 Patty Murray, American Politician
October 11, 1949 Bobby Jones, baseball player
October 11, 1949 Greg Douglas, rock guitarist and vocalist
October 11, 1948 Daryl Hall, rocker/songwriter, Hall and Oates-Sara Smile
October 11, 1946 Felton Perry, actor, Magnum Force, Sudden Death
October 11, 1946 Gary Mallaber, Buffalo, New York, rocker
October 11, 1946 Sawao Kato, Japan, gymnist, Olympics gold 1968, 72, 76
October 11, 1944 Rodney Marsh, athlete
October 11, 1943 Frank Muyser, Dutch guitarist/saxophonist, Les Baroques
October 11, 1943 Gene Watson, Palestine, Texas, country singer, Heartaches
October 11, 1943 Keith Boyce, cricketer, big-hitting WI all-rounder of 70's
October 11, 1943 Ken Boyce, cricketer
October 11, 1943 Per-Gunnar Alldahl, composer
October 11, 1942 Amitabh Bachan, actress, Deewar
October 11, 1942 Malvin Whitfield, Bay City, Texas, track star
October 11, 1942 Victor H Fazio, Rep-D-California, 1979-
October 11, 1942 Amitabh Bachchan, Indian Actor
October 11, 1940 David McFadden, Canadian Poet
October 11, 1939 Franklin A Sonn, union leader, South African workers
October 11, 1939 Maria Bueno, born in Sao Paulo, Brazil, tennis player, Wimbledon
October 11, 1939 Woiciech Wiesidlowski Lowski, dancer
October 11, 1937 Bobby Charlton, English soccer player
October 11, 1937 Georgi Vladimirovich Machinski, cosmonaut
October 11, 1937 Ron Leibman, New York City, actor, Norma Rae
October 11, 1935 Jan van Vlijmen, composer
October 11, 1935 Roy Scheider, actor, Jaws, Fren Connection, Marathon Man, Paper Lion
October 11, 1933 Dawn French, actress/comedienne, Supergrass
October 11, 1932 Dottie West, born in Nashville, Tennessee, country singer
October 11, 1930 Bill Fischer, baseball player
October 11, 1930 Harry Glass, German DR, 1st E German Olympic medalist, bronze-1956
October 11, 1930 Sam Johnson, Rep-R-Texas
October 11, 1928 Thomas Burnett Swann, U.S., sci-fi author, Day of Minotaur
October 11, 1926 Earle Hyman, North Carolina, actor, Russell-Cosby, Coriolanus
October 11, 1926 John Dewes, cricketer, England opener late 40's early 50's
October 11, 1925 Elmore Leonard, U.S. writer, Glitz, Mr. Majestyk, Touch, 52 Pick-Up
October 11, 1925 Nancy Guild, born in Los Angeles, California, actress, Where Was I?
October 11, 1919 Art Blakey, born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, drummer
October 11, 1918 Jerome Robbins, [Rabinowitz], New York, choreographer
October 11, 1917 Franz Alphons Wolpert, composer
October 11, 1914 Edward J Day, U.S. Postmaster General, 1961
October 11, 1913 J J Pickle, Rep-D-TX, 1963-
October 11, 1910 Eugene John Weigel, composer
October 11, 1910 Francis James Claude Piggott, soldier
October 11, 1910 Joseph Alsop, political newspaper columnist
October 11, 1908 Armen Carapetyan, composer
October 11, 1906 Earl "Dutch" Clark, Colo, NFL hall of fame QB, Spartans, Detroit
October 11, 1902 Leon Belasco, Odessa Russia, actor, Lucky Partners, My Sister Eileen
October 11, 1901 Emil Hlobil, composer
October 11, 1901 Gerard Romsee, Flemish nationalist
October 11, 1900 Cal Hubbard, NFL tackle, Giants, Packers, Pittsburgh Pirates
October 11, 1897 Arvo Hannikainen, composer
October 11, 1897 George Preston Marshall, NFL team owner for the Washington Redskins
October 11, 1897 Nathan F Twining, USAF general, Neither Liberty nor Safety
October 11, 1897 Russell Collins, New Orleans LA
October 11, 1896 Roman Jakobson, linguist/Slavic scholar, Fundamentals of Language
October 11, 1895 H Schiebelhuth, writer
October 11, 1894 Albert Stoessel, composer
October 11, 1891 Antonius [Jacob LT] van der Veen Zeppenfeldt, Antillian Bishop
October 11, 1888 Piero Coppola, composer
October 11, 1885 Alfred Haar, Hungary, mathematician
October 11, 1885 Francois Mauriac, France, novelist/poet/playwright, Nobel 1952
October 11, 1884 Eleanor Roosevelt, 1st lady, 1933-1945, crusader, Nobel 1931
October 11, 1884 Robert Muller-Hartmann, composer
October 11, 1884 Sig Ruman, [Siegfried Rumann], Hamburg Germany
October 11, 1883 Archibald T Davison, composer
October 11, 1882 Robert Nathaniel Dett, composer
October 11, 1882 Will Vesper, German author, Vom grossen Krieg
October 11, 1881 Stark Young, U.S. critic/writer, So Red the Rose
October 11, 1877 John Parsons Beach, composer
October 11, 1876 G von Le Fort, writer
October 11, 1875 Stefan O Iosif, Romania, poet, Beautiful Irine
October 11, 1872 Harlan Fiske Stone, NH, Supreme Court, 1925-41, Chief Justice, 41-46
October 11, 1869 Gordon Frederic Norton, composer
October 11, 1865 Hans E Kinck, Norwegian philological/writer, Mot Karnaval
October 11, 1863 Xavier Henry Napoleon Leroux, composer
October 11, 1844 Henry John Heinz, founded prepared-foods company, 57 varieties
October 11, 1841 Freidrich Hegar, composer
October 11, 1835 Hunter Holmes McGuire, Med Director Confederate Army, died in 1900
October 11, 1825 C F Meyer, writer
October 11, 1825 Elkanah Brackin Greer, Brig General Confederate Army, died in 1877
October 11, 1821 Angelo Maurizio Gaspare Mariani, composer
October 11, 1821 George Williams, England, founder YMCA
October 11, 1820 Alfred Washington Ellet, Brig General Union volunteers, died in 1895
October 11, 1815 Pierre Napoleon Bonaparte, Corsican representative of the people
October 11, 1806 Aleksandar I Karadjordjevic, monarch of Serbia, 1842-58
October 11, 1803 Albartus Telting, Frisian poet, Frisianch Jierboeckjen
October 11, 1788 Simon Sechter, composer
October 11, 1782 Steen Steensen Blicher, Denmk, poet/short-story writer, E Binddstouw
October 11, 1768 Adriaan van den Ende, Dutch vicar/educationalist
October 11, 1758 Wilhelm Olbers, discovered asteroids, Pallas and Vesta
October 11, 1747 Marian Paradeiser, composer
October 11, 1738 Arthur Phillip, admiral/1st governor New-South Wales
October 11, 1671 Frederik IV, king of Denmark/Norway, 1699-1730
October 11, 1661 Melchior de Polignac, French diplomat/elect, Anti-Lucretius
October 11, 1611 Hugues de Lionne, Marquess de Berry, French ambassador to Rome
October 11, 1593 Claes P "Nicolaas" Tulip, anatomy/mayor of Amsterdam, 1654..71
October 11, 1573 Jacob Boonen, South Netherlands clergyman/lawyer

I Didn't Send That, Did I?

Our gajillionaire pals at Google recently unveiled a Gmail app that may help prevent drunken emailing. At last! When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and in-person conversations at lit event after-parties and we're all set!

WTF?

Knock 'em Out!

McCainiac!

4/12

What Is It When There isn't An Economy Anymore?

Thank You, Space Program!

Gamer Grubs are meal replacement snacks specially designed with the sedentary gamer in mind.

"In flavors like Action Pizza, Racing Wasabi, Strategy Chocolate and Sports PB&J, the snacks are not only fortified with vitamins and minerals, but are specially engineered to be crumb and grease free, protecting your keyboard from its normal all-it-can-eat junk food buffet."

Mmmm, they sound yummy, don't they? No, no they really don't. Call me old fashioned, but what the hell's the matter with the classic Mountain Dew/Cheetos combination? Nothing, that's what.

The More Things Cha-- Nothing Ever Changes

Who Says Lenny Bruce Is Not Afraid?

I know, I know... what with this whole "Presidential election" thing, and the end of our free market economy, I've seemed distracted of late. A little distant, maybe. Don't worry... I haven't forgotten about the important things. I haven't taken my eyes off those goddam robots for an instant.



Meet little robot girl Repliee R-1. She's an android built by Osaka University, based on an actual 5-year old girl. Trust me when I tell you: they totally chose the wrong 5-year old girl.

Palin Rider

This is a Craigslist posting in Los Angeles looking for a Sarah Palin look-alike to be in a porno.

As you can see, no anal is required. So there goes our hope of Sarah Impalin'.

What're You Tryin' To Pull?

Rock. The Vote.

7/12

I'm Just A Bill

Read me!

Is That Your Nineteenth Financial Breakdown?

I'm so pissed about this debacle I can hardly see straight.

You Bushco dipshits wanted to see what would happen if you let the market regulate itself? Here you go... and instead of letting it "right itself" like you swore it would, now I get to foot the bill for their greed? Swell.

This bailout (GAH!) had goddam better include serious oversight, and real assistance for the home owners, and more than just a slap on the money-grubbing fists of those Wall Street fatcats who knew this would happen, saw it coming, but didn't care so long as they kept getting those commission checks. Oh, and I don't know... some kinda' return on my 2 grand might be nice.

And by the way: so what if a bailout is passed? Who says it's enough? Or distributed efficiently? And what's the point if the only lesson Wall Street learns is that they get to gamble and lose with your money all they want?

Anyway... read this. I have to go build a tent.

And Sometimes Nuthin' Ain't Such A Cool Hand

Luke: Anybody here? Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It's about time we had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow... killed people in the war and got drunk... and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much... but even so, You've got to admit You ain't dealt me no cards in a long time. It's beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can't never win out. Inside, outside, all of them... rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. All right. [Gets on knees, closes eyes and begins to pray]
Luke: . On my knees, asking. [Peeks up with one eye, waits. Then opens eyes and crosses arms]
Luke: Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I'm pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case. [Clicks tongue]
Luke: Yeah. I guess I gotta find my own way. [Headlights shine through windows, backs up]
Dragline: Luke?
Luke: [Shakes head and smiles] Is that Your answer, Old Man? I guess You're a hard case, too.

Rest in peace, Paul... you'll be missed.

"There is a point where feelings go beyond words. I have lost a real friend. My life — and this country — is better for his being in it." — Robert Redford.

———

"I loved that man with all my heart. He was goodness and kindness and pure integrity. I know he loved his family, his wife, the world and mankind. He was purity of heart. Working with him was such a joy. Knowing him, being his friend, was as golden as the sunset and a privilege I'll never forget. I thank God and feel so honored for that privilege. May he be in God's embrace forever." — Elizabeth Taylor.

———

"I was blessed to have know him. The world is better because of him. Sometimes God makes perfect people and Paul Newman was one of them." — Sally Field.

———

"He set the bar too high for the rest of us. Not just actors, but all of us. He will be greatly missed." — George Clooney.

———

"He was my hero." — Julia Roberts.

———

"Paul was a very fine actor and a really good race driver. But mostly, he personified humanity — always taking care of those who were less fortunate. For me, this will be his legacy." — David Letterman.

———

"Yes, his eyes were that blue and beautiful.... His legacy as a humanitarian for children around the world is unmatchable. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to Joanne and the family." — Eva Marie Saint.

———

"Our father was a rare symbol of selfless humility, the last to acknowledge what he was doing was special. Intensely private, he quietly succeeded beyond measure in impacting the lives of so many with his generosity." — Newman's five daughters.

———

"Paul Newman was the ultimate cool guy who men wanted to be like and women adored. He was an American icon, a brilliant actor, a Renaissance man and a generous but modest philanthropist. He entertained millions in some of Hollywood's most memorable roles ever, and he brightened the lives of many more, especially seriously ill children, through his charitable works." — California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

———

"Paul and I have been partners for 26 years and I have come to know his passion, humor and, above all, his generosity. Not just economic generosity, but generosity of spirit. His support of the team's drivers, crew and the racing industry is legendary. His pure joy at winning a pole position or winning a race exemplified the spirit he brought to his life and to all those that knew him." — Carl Haas, Newman's racing-team partner.

———

"Paul Newman's craft was acting. His passion was racing. His love was his family and friends. And his heart and soul were dedicated to helping make the world a better place for all." — Robert Forrester, vice chairman of Newman's Own Foundation.

———

"We mourn not only the passing of a screen legend, an actor of great depth and charisma who touched generations of fans, but we have lost a true Connecticut treasure in Paul Newman. We were blessed to have him as a friend and neighbor in Connecticut for nearly a half-century." — Connecticut Gov. M. Jodi Rell.

———

"Paul was an American icon, philanthropist and champion for children. We will miss our dear friend, whose continued support always meant the world to us. Our prayers and thoughts are with Joanne and the Newman family and the many people who Paul impacted through his endless kindness and generosity." — U.S. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and former President Bill Clinton

Lightning In A Battle

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Sarah Silverman endorses Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama in this video that encourages her fellow Jews to blackmail their Florida-residing grandparents into voting for Obama. I posted it because I know how much you guys love it when celebs talk about politics. It's your favorite!

NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language such as "fuck", "shit", "damn" and "brisket".

Someone Should Sell Tickets

It's The Economy, Stupid

From SFGATE.COM

Where the candidates stand on key economic issues

	Barack Obama	John McCain
Taxes	Supports ending Bush income tax cuts for households with income above $250,000. Would offer tax credit up to $1,000 to middle-class households and eliminate taxes on seniors making less than $50,000. Would raise top rate on capital gains.	Would extend all Bush income tax cuts. Would lower corporate tax rate and maintain current capital gains rate. Would offer tax credit of up $5,000 for those buying health insurance. Would ban Internet taxes.
Spending	Would spend $15 billion annually on alternative energy development and $18 billion on education. Would cut earmarks to 2001 levels and end subsidies to the oil and gas industry.	Would institute a one-year freeze on nonmilitary discretionary spending. Would veto earmarks. Would provide $7 billion to $10 billion in subsidies to state health insurance pools for high-risk patients.
Budget deficit	Seeks to reduce the deficit by raising taxes on wealthy, cutting special interest spending, closing corporate tax loopholes and ending Iraq war. Supports pay-as-you-go rules that require new spending or tax cuts to be paid for by new revenue or cuts in other programs	Would balance the budget by 2013 by boosting economic growth and clamping down on spending. Would work with Congress on a bipartisan deficit reduction plan.
Social Security, Medicare	Opposes benefit cuts or privatization. Seeks greater efficiencies and cuts in subsidies to Medicare providers. Would impose payroll tax on earnings above $250,000.	Would supplement Social Security with private accounts. Says reform of the programs is needed to address long-term budget deficit. Opposes payroll tax increases.
Trade	Supports free trade agreements only if they include protections for labor and the environment.	Believes globalization is an opportunity for Americans and supports initiatives to reduce trade barriers.
Housing	Would create fund to help homeowners avoid foreclosures.	Would encourage lenders to refinance responsible subprime mortgage borrowers who can't afford existing loans.

What Is It Good For?

Weapons Against Robots (WAR) is a company started by internet millionaire Ben Way (not to be confused with ballmaker BenWa) as a means to defend humanity against the inevitable robot uprising. The company will "combat the potential threats posed by artificial intelligence through the creation of anti-robot weaponry, detection and monitoring of robots, and use of anti-robot viruses. Way believes that, as AI is increasingly used in warfare and defense, it is prudent to ready countermeasures in the event, not only of an enemy's use of robotics, but that an intelligence's programming goes awry."

Good move, Ben! I may actually get some sleep tonight... but my anti-robot baseball bat stays under my pillow.

7/12

Bucking For A Section 8

"Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency."

If this bailout gets passed with "Section 8" (above) intact, what you'll wind up with (aside from newly-minted, freshly-armored Wall Street fatcats who just learned that, for them, the law means never having to say you're sorry) is a huge amount of power funneled to the Executive Branch, while walling them off from any avenue for oversight, and offering no guarantees to the taxpayer (you know, the sucker who's footing this bill, even if they chose to play it smart and not get involved in this stock market or these housing markets) in return.

You really don't want to know more... but you should. Read this. And this. Then go watch Oprah... there's nothing you can do, anyway.

Tin Foil Hats All Around!

This is a video of a woman who ate a bunch of lead-based paint chips filming a rainbow that appeared in her sprinkler. She's convinced it's a government conspiracy and they're pumping something into our water/oxygen supply to run tests on us. Needless to say, I think she's on to something.

Sticky Noted

Okay, I admit it: I couldn't tell you exactly what's going on in this trailer to Synecdoche, New York, but the film is written and directed by Charlie Kaufman and stars Philip Seymour Hoffman, so I'm sure it's as great as it seems.

'Synedoche New York' Theatrical Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

La La Loathe You, Don't Mean Maybe

For reasons no one could ever comprehend, Lindsay Lohan continues to politically blog and this time takes Sarah Palin to task for her views on homosexuality. Lindsay also uses her MySpace blog to endorse Barack Obama who I'm willing to bet money heard the news and responded with "Aw... hell no.":

"I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.
I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.
Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?
I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be... Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she's FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land.... Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.
Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play...
Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?
I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice... I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the "lipstick on a pig" comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president...
Palin's Desire to "save and convert the gays"-really??
I feel it's necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.
Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies... And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.
Oh, and...Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don't pose for anymore tabloid covers, you're not a celebrity, you're running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!
And in the words of Pamela Anderson, "She can suck it"..
Lindsay- "I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for obama!"
Samantha- "I love this country- however i wasn't born here and don't have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november.... and if you're in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won't get renewed!!!"

Let me get this straight: If John McCain wins, Samantha Ronson will be deported, and I won't have to look at Lindsay ever again? Shit. Now I'm really torn.

Mantle Piece

Alright sports fans, Britney Spears recently donated the above painting to The Promises Foundation which provides "behavioral health services to low-income women and their children." The portrait was for sale on eBay with a starting bid of $10,000, but the auction page has been inexplicably pulled. At any rate, the painting was on display in Britney's parent's house because, well, who doesn't love a topless portrait of their daughter hanging around? You know, besides everyone in the South.

Miley To Go Before They Sleep

Billy Ray Cyrus is surprisingly relaxed about 15-year-old Miley Cyrus dating 20-year-old Justin Gaston. Justin is a model and aspiring country singer who met Miley when he competed on Nashville Star. He accompanied the Cyrus' to church on Sunday (above), according to People:

"A source close to Miley says, 'They've been spending a lot of time together while he's in town.'

"The Pinesville, La., native has modeled for Kenneth Cole and Guess, and before he was eliminated in week three of Nashville Star he told PEOPLE of his music, "My style isn't like anyone else. If John Mayer was to meet Brad Paisley and they reproduced, that would be me.'"

If John Mayer and Brad Paisley reproduce? You mean when. Anyway, isn't it, I dunno, illegal, not to mention weird, for a guy who's almost 21 to be with a 15-year-old girl? But, oh, wait, they're going to church. My mistake, everyone, they'll be good. Back me up, Bristol Palin.

What's So Funny 'bout Peace, Love & Understanding

5/12

Crosstalk Express

Try Try Try To Understand

If this is what the GOP base really wants, then you aren't nearly scared enough.

You're registered, right?

Coen Heads Of The Class

It's like the Coen Brothers unearthed Saul Bass, miraculously revived his decaying corpse, and made him design a poster for their new film before sending him back to the eternal slumber of his tomb. In other words, it's pretty awesome.

Where There's Life, There's Hope

No Prisoners Of Doubt

"Sarah Palin's views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song 'Barracuda' no longer be used to promote her image. The song 'Barracuda' was written in the late '70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business... more particularly for women."
~Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart, talking about the McCain campaign's use of Barracuda as a theme song for vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

And They Have A Plan...

Lights Out, Uh-Huh

This is what happens

when the CERN Large Hadron Collider starts crashing particles into stuff very, very soon. I can hardly wait!

Do you want to know more?

7/12

Walk, Don't Run... 'cause You Walk So Fast, See...

My hitherto-beloved Aaron Sorkin has managed to create a story even more ludicrous than a fake story about him announcing an animated continuation of The West Wing, and he's somehow done it within a week. Ready for the unrealistically-clever dialogue-filled story of Facebook? From Variety:

"Aaron Sorkin has a Facebook page -- and a new screenwriting gig.

"Sorkin set up a page for himself on the social networking site, essentially announcing that he will be scripting a movie about the formation of Facebook.

"The film will focus on the evolution of Facebook from its 2004 creation on the Harvard campus by sophomore Mark Zuckerberg to a juggernaut with more than 60 million members. The company was reportedly valued at $16 billion last year when Microsoft outbid Google to invest $240 million for a 1.6% stake in the company."

Well set my status to" "is excited someone is making a movie about setting up a website"! I'll be there opening night, along with all of the discarded acquaintances I still consider friends because I receive impersonal updates about their relationship status! Or at least with whoever RSVPs to my event invitation!

Actually, I can't see this ever really getting made. I'm assuming that whenever Facebook sets up the "be a fan of Facebook: The Movie" thing, that will be the end of everything.

From Moses To Sandy Koufax

"Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya about. Goes by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. See, this Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, "Dude" - there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned interestin'. See, they call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels"; but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course I ain't never been to London, and I ain't never seen France. And I ain't never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I'll tell you what - after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the early '90s - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here - the Dude from Los Angeles. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. The Dude, from Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough...."

Here.

All I can really say is, that rug really tied the room together.

R2-D2, Where Are You?

I told you! I told you robots would kill us all! This is a clip from a new BBC show, The Wrong Door, which is about robots and how much they want to hurt us.

Who Is?

The point of any movie poster is, obviously, to stir up interest in whatever movie its promoting. Let me know if you hear anyone saying, "Oooh, we should see that movie about the disheartening confectionery!"

RNC You Later

Come on now, it was really only a matter of time until they found the guy who rushed Bristol Palin just a little too quickly into adulthood (I paraphrase; read the statement for yourself). And, boy, is this kid amazing. Meet future shotgun groom Levi Johnston (above) who, in a triumph of the human spirit, makes Casey Aldridge and K-Fed look like they should belong in the space program. The New York Post has the details:

"On a MySpace page subsequently taken down, Johnston boasts, "I'm a fuckin' redneck" who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.

""But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin' chillin' I guess."

""Ya fuck with me I'll kick [your] ass," he added.

"He also claims to be "in a relationship," but states, "I don't want kids.""

Wow. Am I the only one who hopes this kid never stops reproducing? Show of hands.

Sarah Scramble

Look, I'm biased. We all know that... but that doesn't mean that the best the GOP has to offer this year doesn't suck... or that I'm wrong.

Want an example? The 17-year-old daughter of John McCain's running mate Sarah Palin is reportedly five months pregnant. The McCain campaign revealed the news to rebut rampant rumors that Governor Palin's infant son is actually her grandson and she faked her pregnancy to protect her daughter Bristol. You seriously just read all that, and I'm now 90% positive John McCain's research involved picking this woman's name out of of a hat. Reuters reports:

"The Palins, in a statement released by the McCain campaign, said Bristol "came to us with news that we as parents knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned" and that their daughter "has our unconditional love and support." ""We ask the media to respect our daughter and Levi's privacy as has always been the tradition of children of candidates," their statement said. "Senior McCain campaign officials said McCain knew of the daughter's pregnancy when he selected Palin last week as his vice presidential running mate, deciding that it did not disqualify the 44-year-old governor in any way."

I know the knee-jerk reaction will be to point out the hypocrisy of Governor Palin's faith-based public views on supporting abstinence-only education and overturning Roe v. Wade. But let's not lose sight of the real issue: Sarah Palin shot a moose.

Mad Meta Men

Rain of Madness, a documentary parody of Apocalypse Now documentary Hearts of Darkness chronicling the making of Tropic Thunder (the fake Tropic Thunder within real Tropic Thunder, obviously) is now available for free on iTunes. It sounds like a thick wad of meta I can't yet bear to swallow, but you can check it out here. I'll probably just wait for the fake book within a book.

Palin In Comparison

Happy Labor Day!

Let's talk about John McCain and his vice presidential pick today: Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. Here's the word from Reuters:

"Palin, 44, a self-described "hockey mom," is a conservative first-term
governor of Alaska with strong anti-abortion views, a record of reform and
fiscal conservatism and an outsider's perspective on Washington."She's exactly
who I need. She's exactly who this country needs to help me fight the same old
Washington politics of me first and country second," McCain told a roaring crowd
of 15,000 supporters in Dayton, Ohio."

So what do you think: Awesome? Bad? We're screwed no matter what? She looks like Tina Fey? Cheap political ploy? Is Alaska even a state? Where's Lambchop? I'll let you guys handle the deep intellectual discourse... and people say this site isn't informative. In your face, entire mainstream media!